Renowned psychiatrist and consultant Mark Goulston shares how to emerge victorious from destructive communication. He has a lot of experience working with unstable people, which allowed him to create a negotiation course for the FBI, and he knows that traditional methods communication and argumentation do not work with them.

Goulston shares his best practices for reaching out to irrational people. He resorted to these methods to reconcile feuding colleagues and save marriages. You, too, can use them to keep the irrational people in your life under control.

How to talk to motherfuckers

To reach out to irrational people, you need to know why they behave the way they do. In addition, you need to understand why reasoned discussion and logical reasoning don't work, as opposed to empathy and problem immersion.

We understand crazy people

Having worked as a psychiatrist for decades, I can say that I understand madmen, including deeply ill people. I'm willing to bet that almost every day you encounter at least one irrational person. For example, this is a boss demanding the impossible. A picky parent, an aggressive teen, a manipulative co-worker or yelling neighbor, a sobbing love interest, or a petulant client with unfounded claims. When I say "crazy" or "madman" I mean that the person is behaving irrationally.

There are four signs that the people you are dealing with are irrational:

1) they do not have a clear picture of the world;

2) they say or do things that don't make sense;

3) they make decisions or take actions not in their own interests;

4) when you try to get them back on the path of sanity, they become completely unbearable.

Key: become a psycho yourself

The tools I'm going to talk about require courage to use. Because you won't just ignore the psychos and wait for them to leave. You will not argue with them or try to convince them. Instead, you will have to feel crazy and start behaving the same way.

Years ago, someone told me what to do when a dog grabbed your arm. If you trust your instincts and withdraw your hand, the dog will sink its teeth even deeper. But if you use a non-obvious solution and push your hand deeper into the throat, the dog will loosen his grip. Why? Because the dog will want to swallow, for which he needs to relax his jaw. This is where you put your hand out.

Similarly, you can interact with irrational people. If you treat them as if they are crazy and you are not, they will only go deeper into crazy thoughts. But if you yourself begin to behave like a psycho, this will dramatically change the situation.

Here is an example. After one of the most disgusting days of my life, on the way home, I concentrated on the troubles that had fallen on me and drove the car on autopilot. Unfortunately for me, this was all happening during California's extremely dangerous rush hour.

At some point, I accidentally cut off a pickup truck in which a big man and his wife were sitting. He honked angrily, and I waved my hand to show my apologies. But then - just a couple of kilometers later - I cut it again. Then the man caught up with me and abruptly stopped the truck in front of my car, forcing me to pull over to the side of the road. As I braked, I saw his wife gesticulating frantically, asking him not to get out of the car. Of course, he did not pay attention to her and after a few moments he was already on the road - under two meters tall and weighing 140 kilograms.

He abruptly approached me and began banging on the glass, shouting obscenities. I was so stunned that I even rolled down the window to hear him. Then I waited for him to pause so that he could pour even more bile on me. And when he paused to catch his breath, I said to him: “Have you ever had such a terrible day that you just hoped that someone would pull out a gun, shoot you and put an end to all the suffering? Is that someone you? His jaw dropped. "What?" - he asked. Up to this point, I've been acting very stupid. But suddenly I did something brilliant. In some incredible way, despite my clouded mind, I said exactly what was needed.

I did not try to negotiate with this intimidating man - most likely, instead of answering, he would have dragged me out of the car and hit me in the face with his huge fist. I didn't try to resist. I just became as crazy and hit him with his own weapon.

He stared at me and I spoke again, “Yes, I'm serious. I don't usually cut people and have never cut someone twice before. It's just that today is the kind of day where it doesn't matter what I do or who I meet - including you! - everything goes wrong. Will you become the person who will graciously end my existence?”

He immediately changed, calmed down and began to cheer me up: “Hey. What are you, boy, he said. - Everything will be OK. Honestly! Relax, everyone has bad days."

I continued my tirade: “It's easy for you to talk! You didn't ruin everything you touched today, unlike me. I don't think I'm going to be good at anything. Will you help me?"

He enthusiastically continued, “No, really. I am not kidding! Everything will be alright. Have a rest".

We talked for a few more minutes. Then he returned to the truck, said something to his wife and waved at me in the mirror, as if to say: “Remember. Take it easy. Everything will be fine". And left.

Now I'm not proud of this story. To be honest, the guy in the pickup wasn't the only irrational person on the road that day. But here's what I'm getting at.

That big guy could have blown my lungs out. And, perhaps, I would have done this if I tried to reason with him or argue with him. But I met him in his reality, where I was a bad person and he had every reason to hit me. Instinctively using a technique I call aggressive submission, I turned him from enemy to ally in less than a minute.

Fortunately, my reaction was natural, even on that really bad day. This happened because I put myself in the place of crazy people during many years of my work as a psychiatrist. I've done it thousands of times, in many ways, and I've found it works. Moreover, I know it will work for you too.

The psycho mask is a strategy you can use with any irrational person.

For example, to talk:

with a partner who yells at you or refuses to talk to you;
with a child screaming "I hate you!" or "I hate myself!";
with an aging parent who thinks you don't give a damn;
with an employee who is constantly limp at work;
with a manager who is always trying to hurt you.

It doesn't matter what type of everyday psycho you are dealing with - the ability to become crazy yourself will allow you to get rid of failed communication strategies and reach people.

As a result, you will be able to engage in almost any emotional situation and feel confident and in control.

The cycle of prudence instead of the politics of "fight or flight"

Keep in mind that you will have to consciously get used to the role of a psycho, because your body will not want you to behave In a similar way. When you communicate with an irrational person, the body sends you signals, warning you of danger. Somehow pay attention to this and see for yourself: the throat contracts, the pulse accelerates, your stomach or head starts to hurt. For such a physiological reaction, sometimes it is enough just to name the name of an unpleasant acquaintance.

This is your reptilian brain telling you to attack or run. But, if an irrational person is part of your personal or professional life, none of the instinctive reactions will help solve the problem. I am going to teach you how to deal with insanity in a completely different way using a six step process. I call it "the prudence cycle"

Here's what you need to do at each stage of this cycle.

1. Understand that the person you are facing is incapable of rational thought in this situation. Realize that the deep roots of his irrationality lie rather in the distant (or not very distant) past, and not in the current moment, so now you are unlikely to be able to argue or convince him.

2. Determine the other person's modus operandi - the unique set of actions that he resorts to when he is not himself. His strategy is to throw you off balance, to make you angry, afraid, frustrated or guilty.

When you understand the course of action, you will feel more calm, focused and in control of the situation and will be able to choose the appropriate counter-strategy.

3. Realize that crazy behavior is not about you. But it says a lot about the person you're dealing with. By ceasing to take his words personally, you will deprive the enemy of an important weapon. However, during a conversation, use the necessary psychological tools, they will keep you from falling into madness.

These tools will allow you to avoid "amygdala hijack" - an intense emotional reaction to a sudden threat. This term, coined by psychologist Daniel Goleman, describes a condition where the amygdala, the part of your brain responsible for generating fear, blocks rational thinking.

4. Talk to an irrational person, plunging into the world of his madness, calmly and objectively. First, take for granted the innocence of the person. This means that you must believe that the person is actually kind and that there is a reason for their behavior. Try not to judge, but to understand what caused this.

Secondly, imagine that you are experiencing the same emotions: aggression, misunderstanding, threat.

5. Show that you are an ally, not an enemy: listen calmly and carefully to the person while he blows off steam. Instead of interrupting, let him speak. This way you will surprise the person who is waiting for a retaliatory attack, and get close to him.

You can even apologize. And the more carefully and sensitively you reflect the emotions of your opponent, the sooner he will begin to listen to you.

6. When the person calms down, help him move on to more reasonable actions.

These steps are the basis of most of the psychological techniques that I will teach you (although variations are possible: for example, when dealing with bullies, manipulators, or psychopaths).

However, keep in mind that going through the prudence cycle with an irrational person is not always easy or fun, and this technique does not always work instantly. And, as with everything in our life, there is a risk that it will not work at all (and there is even the possibility that the situation will worsen). But, if you're desperately trying to get through to someone who's difficult or impossible to control, this method is probably the best choice.

But before I get into my methods of dealing with psychos, I'd like to talk a little about why people act irrationally. We'll look first at what's going on in their brains at the moment, and then at what's happened to them in the past.

Recognizing the Mechanism of Madness

To successfully talk to psychos, you need to understand why irrational people behave the way they do. And the first step in this direction is to admit that they are much more like psychos than you thought. Take a moment to think about people who are mentally ill—who have schizophrenia or delusional depression. Do you understand that talking will not help solve the problems of these patients? It would never occur to you to say to them: “Hey, you understand that you are not really the Antichrist?” or "Your life isn't that bad, so take the gun out of your mouth and go mow the lawn." However, I think that this is how you communicate with everyday psychos. For some reason it seems to you that you can easily reason with them.

For example, you probably use such phrases.

"Calm down - you're overreacting."
"That doesn't make any sense."
“You can't really believe this. Here are the facts."
“Come back to earth, this is complete nonsense!”
“Wait a minute…how did you even think of that?”

I'm sure you've come across the popular definition of a madman: a person who repeats the same actions over and over again, while expecting a new result. Well, if you're constantly talking to psychos in the way I described above, not getting the response you expect, but hoping for it, know that you're also out of your mind.

Why, you ask?

Because everyday madness, like real psychosis, is not treated with ordinary conversations. It does not operate with facts or logic.

The psycho, despite your attempts to convince him, is still unable to suddenly change his behavior. The madmen don't refuse to change it, they can't.

Most people who behave irrationally can hardly be called sick, but, like real psychopaths, they are not able to think prudently. This is because the cause of such behavior is a mismatch in the brain (more precisely, in the three structures of the brain), and a mismatched brain cannot respond normally to the arguments of the mind.

The Scientific Basis of Madness

In order to understand psychos, you need to know at least the general outline of how insanity develops. Now I will talk a little about the work of consciousness and how we go crazy.

First, three parts of the brain are necessary for thinking. These three structures are interconnected, but often operate independently. Sometimes they are at enmity with each other. Under the influence of stress, they sometimes lose touch. If the stress is too high, the communication between parts of the brain always stops. And often the rewiring occurs in such a way that irrational people are trapped in insanity.

Neuroscientist Paul McLean, who first described the triune, or tripartite, model of the brain back in the 1960s, spoke about it in more detail in his 1990 book The Triune Brain in Evolution.

Here short description each structure and its functionality.

First, the basic, ancient brain (sometimes called the reptilian brain). It focuses on what is necessary for survival: finding food, mating, running away from danger, attacking.
The next part is the midbrain, the limbic system. It is found in all mammals and is responsible for emotions: joy, hatred, the desire to protect, sadness, pleasure. And also for the formation of a connection between you and a partner or, for example, a child.
The last layer is the neocortex, the cerebral cortex responsible for higher nervous activity. Being the most developed structure of the three, it allows you to make optimal decisions, plan actions and control impulses. Most importantly, it is thanks to the neocortex that you evaluate the situation objectively, and not subjectively.

These different parts of the brain evolved sequentially, which is why they are arranged in layers, one on top of the other. When you are born, all three parts of the brain are already in your body. If you're lucky, over time, healthy bonds form between them that allow you to coordinate survival instincts, emotions, and logical thought processes. In this case, each of the three structures can take control of what is happening at the right time, but at the same time, the most evolutionarily developed neocortex will manage all the processes. I call this triune flexibility.

If you have it, you are able to approach the situation from one side, and when new circumstances are discovered, consider another option and successfully cope with some task in conditions new reality. With triune flexibility, you can easily adapt to circumstances and gain the ability to cope even with major setbacks and real tragedies. Sometimes you still lose your head when the disorder causes a temporary desynchronization of three parts of the brain, but quickly bounce back.

What happens if early life experiences lead to a less healthy interconnection of parts of the brain?

If your parents harshly criticized you as an adult, you will begin to think something like this: "It's not safe to say what you think." If this happens often, then you will believe that the world is an unsettling place, and you will be afraid and pinched not only when communicating with a critic, but also with other people. Then your three parts of the brain are blocked and only come together in such a way as if you constantly see your parent in front of you, hear criticism about you and think that it is not safe to give the wrong answer. And if, for example, school teacher asks you a question, you remain silent or answer: "I don't know." Your brain is trapped in triune rigidity, so in any situation that reminds you of a critical parent, your feelings, thoughts, and actions will slide into one repetitive scenario. In psychology, this is called transference, or transference, because you transfer thoughts and feelings about a person who is not around to someone with whom you are interacting here and now.

In triune rigidity, your three brains are united in a reality far from the one in which you currently exist. You begin to misuse old techniques in conditions in which they do not make sense, and become unable to correct your behavior in the future. Result? Chronic crazy behavior: you repeat the same actions over and over again and expect that the new reality will still turn into the old one, where such behavior brought success.

Three paths to madness (and one path to sanity)

Since insanity is preceded by an imbalance in the functioning of certain areas of the brain, then you need to work with this state not from the outside - trying to reason with an irrational person with facts - but from the inside. To do this, it is worth understanding how the main forms of insanity are laid down in our behavior already in early years life. First, there are innate factors. For example, if a person has inherited genes that cause a tendency to increased anxiety, pessimism, excessive emotionality, then his path to insanity will be somewhat shorter than in other cases. Secondly - and this is no less important factor - childhood impressions and experiences seriously affect the state of the psyche in subsequent years. Now I will give some examples. Life is a constant movement towards the unknown. Taking the next step into the unknown, we are faced with problems, in connection with which we feel either joyful excitement, or anxiety, and sometimes both at once.

Sometimes we feel that we have become too far removed from our familiar and safe environment, as a result of which we develop separation anxiety. Over time, we learn to overcome such anxiety - and we are faced with a new type of anxiety, which is called individualization anxiety: childhood leaves, and we begin to worry about whether we will be able to successfully overcome adulthood and become successful in adulthood. This is a normal stage of psychological development. During this period of development, we are especially sensitive to the behavior of people close to us. Taking a successful step forward, we always look back and wait for extremely important words like “well done, you are doing it!”. And if we encounter an obstacle, we wait for confirmation from loved ones that there is nothing to worry about and it is quite normal to step back and try again. Development is always realized as a series of trials and errors: a couple of steps forward, then a small step back.

But what if at a difficult moment we do not receive the necessary support? In the face of the unknown, we lose confidence, succeed less often, and more often make mistakes. It turns out that after every couple of steps forward, we already take three steps back. By assimilating such a pattern of behavior, a person loses the ability to develop and adapt, becomes isolated within the inert trinity of the main areas of the brain, and as a result becomes, to one degree or another, a psycho. There are three erroneous paths leading to insanity, and one way to keep your sanity. Let's discuss each of them.

Mistake #1: being spoiled

Have you had to deal with people who constantly complain about something, try to manipulate or wait for a standing ovation for any reason? There is a possibility that they are already on the path to insanity. Spoiledness is formed in different ways. Sometimes it comes from the fact that parents or guardians rush to comfort the child whenever he is upset. It happens that adults praise children too much or justify even the most ugly behavior. Such adults do not understand that pampering is not the same as showing love and care.

A child accustomed to such treatment is doomed to experience a nervous breakdown whenever those around him do not show sufficient enthusiasm for him. Those who were overspoiled as children develop a peculiar form of insanity, when a person in any situation easily convinces himself: "Someone will do everything for me." Such people believe that they will be successful and happy without any effort. They often develop unhealthy addictive behavior, because main goal becomes a struggle with bad mood, not search constructive solution emerging problems.

Have you ever dealt with people who, for any reason, get angry and blame others? It is possible that, seeking support at an early age, they received only criticism in response. They were in pain; the pain quickly turned into anger.

Mistake #2: Criticism

Children who are constantly scolded and criticized, teenagers try to take revenge by doing things that adults around them become ashamed of. Often, these young people resort to more sophisticated ways to vent their anger: aggressively suppressing others, driving recklessly, cutting themselves or getting addicted to piercings. What happens when such a person is faced with a problem? He feels like a victim, but since the most familiar pattern of behavior involves only blaming and criticizing, he begins to do just that, losing his ability to forgive over time and becoming more and more embittered.

Because these children were scolded endlessly as children, their craziness over the years takes on the following form: “No matter what I do, I will never be worthy of approval.” And even when they succeed, they do not allow themselves to enjoy the moment and wait for the inevitable. return to normal cycle. It's obvious that the world makes them more resentful and resentful.

Mistake #3: Ignoring

When a person rejects any idea because he is sure that nothing will come of it, it can be safely assumed that in childhood the adults around him for the most part ignored him and, perhaps, were prone to narcissism. It is also possible that they were simply terribly exhausted, overwhelmed with worries, or even sick. This happens to adoptive parents if they are not particularly interested in the child at heart. Here the child has won another victory and looks back at the adults to share the triumph with them - but sees that they did not notice anything at all. Or the child has failed and is waiting for support - and adults are busy with their own affairs or problems. The child becomes scared, and, what is especially bad, he begins to realize that he is left alone with his fear.

So a person becomes a pessimist, prepared in advance for defeat and convinced that nothing worthwhile will ever come of any idea. Trying new things becomes more and more difficult, because you can make a mistake and again find yourself alone with the fear, the fight against which he lost as a child. The form of madness of such people is: "I will neither try nor risk."

Ideal Scenario: Support

Think of the most reasonable and balanced people you know, whom you could call wise, kind, pleasant, stable, emotionally intelligent. From my experience I conclude that emotional stability formed in such people in childhood. They were lucky: every time after a victory or defeat, one of the adults: parents, teachers, mentors - provided the necessary support. These people were neither spoiled nor overwhelmed by criticism and did not suffer from a lack of attention. Adults taught, directed, helped. At the same time, adults are not required to be perfect in everything - otherwise there would be no number of children who grew up in balanced and wise adults. But adults must provide the child with what I call an adequate level of care.

Surrounded by such adults, children grow up confident. Faced with difficulties, such a person says to himself: “I can handle it.” And all because even as a child he always had the support of loving adults - and it was imprinted in the subconscious. Having failed, these people do not complain, do not blame anyone, and do not withdraw into themselves. They maintain a fighting spirit, acting on the principle: "Hold on, world, I'm coming!" Sometimes they behave like psychos - it happens to all of us. But for them, madness is only a temporary state.

(By the way, even if your parents did not support you enough as a child, there is hope. A good coach or teacher will help you find a healthy attitude now - this is exactly what happened to me. So if you were scolded, spoiled or ignored a lot as a child, look for people able to give you the support you need now.)

Temporary and chronic insanity

As I said, no one manages to live life without temporary turbidity. When severe stress has a negative effect on the brain, any of us - even the most stable and strong in spirit - temporarily lose control of ourselves. Albert Einstein once said: “The most important decision for each of us is whether to consider the world around us dangerous or safe.” Unfortunately, chronically irrational people make the wrong decision about this at some point. Those of us whose three levels of the brain remain in constant healthy interaction, maintaining flexibility and stability, move forward with confidence.

Those who are not able to overcome the rigidity of the main areas of the brain do not perceive the world as a safe place. They constantly feel threatened, which is why they begin to behave more and more senselessly.

They lock in either self-preservation (“I am in danger and must do everything to survive”) or maintaining their own identity (“I am this way, and only by maintaining my current identity do I feel confident, competent, able to manage the situation”) . These people seem to live in a holographic projection created by themselves on the basis of past experience and depicting a fictional world. They do not see the new reality. And therein lies a serious danger.

It seems that in a chronically irrational person, the brain behaves like a compass, always pointing to the magnetic pole. And if life pushes such a person to the east, west or south, he resists with all his might and does not want to know anything but the north direction - as if if he moves even a step, he will lose control of his own life or even die. We understand that this is just resistance to change, but such people consider such behavior to be perseverance, worthy of praise. They stubbornly cling to their previous knowledge and beliefs, regardless of their relevance. As a result, all the forces are spent on maintaining the familiar comfort zone.

And the more the brain is in conflict with the changing reality, the more fiercely the person himself clings to the familiar picture of the world and the more inadequately he behaves.

The stronger the imbalance in the work of the three levels of the brain, the sooner a person loses touch with reality.

Anxiety quickly develops into panic, and then the person comes to complete despair.

Obviously, in a state of panic, these people perceive reality in a completely different way from the way you see it, which is why it makes no sense to talk to them the way you would talk to a rational interlocutor.

In your world, two and two is exactly four, but in their special world, it might be six.

We observe a similar picture in periods of temporary insanity, but in a chronically irrational person, such behavior dominates. This is why you fail to help an irrational person get back in touch with reality through logical reasoning. Therefore, you will have to master the laws of the world, designed by a crazy brain, and be ready to defend your position in a world where two times two is six. It's time to figure out exactly what type of madness you're dealing with. To do this, you need to understand the modus operandi (mode of action) of a person.

How to determine the mode of action of an irrational person

Each killer has a certain modus operandi (M.O.). Let's say one uses a knife, another prefers a bomb, a third prefers a bullet. Approximately in the same way, an individual type of madness is formed in all irrational personalities. Thanks to this, they manage to get what they want from you without giving anything in return. Different psychos find their own tricks: crying, withdrawing into themselves, sarcastic, not showing any emotions or complaining endlessly. Why do they behave like this? To maintain control over the situation, which they are afraid of losing. So they subconsciously seek to take control away from you and find ways to get you to react immediately and spontaneously to their behavior.

And this happens when the amygdala, located in the middle, emotional part of the brain, reacts spontaneously and blocks the work of the prefrontal cortex - the part of the brain located in the frontal lobe that is responsible for logic and rational thinking - and activates your reptile brain, which controls the reaction " fight or run." If this tactic is successful, emotions overwhelm you, and it becomes difficult to think logically. In the end, you either break down or look for ways to avoid further communication, losing the opportunity to get a rational view of the situation from your interlocutor. The M.O. of an irrational person is his weapon. But at the same time, this is also the weakest point, because, having figured out what the essence of his M.O. is, you can profitably use this information.

The behavior of a person who is stuck in a certain M.O. is predictable, and you always know what kind of reaction to prepare for on his part, whether it be tears, hysteria, silence, aggression. And when you are ready, it is much easier for you to control your own emotions.

From individuality to M.O.

The way of thinking of irrational people is a projection into the outside world of their individuality, that is, how they perceive themselves, as well as the attitude towards the world as a whole that has developed on the basis of their earliest impressions.

For example:

People who have been over-indulged often become emotionally dependent or seek to manipulate others; they often show an extremely emotional reaction whenever they have to do something that they do not want to do.

Those who are constantly scolded and criticized become aggressive or know-it-alls; they may follow a certain logic too strictly or pay attention exclusively to practical details.published .

If you have any questions, ask them

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet

In our daily life, you can often hear the phrase "inappropriate behavior." We tend to associate this phrase with behavior that is different from what we consider normal. What should be our reaction to inappropriate behavior: sound the alarm or wait for everything to go away on its own?
The main thing you need to know is that inappropriate behavior can occur in a person with emerging or already existing mental illnesses.

Options for inappropriate behavior

Unmotivated outbursts of aggression

Aggressiveness is the most common manifestation in its various forms. This can be manifested by extreme irritability, when a person “takes out evil” on loved ones, or by excessive conflict. In extreme cases, it comes to assault and antisocial behavior.

Aggression can lead to the destruction of personality, relationships with loved ones and friends. Teenagers are very susceptible to attacks of aggression. In some cases, they seem to provoke adults into scandals. This is a manifestation of unhealthy aggression, indicating mental ill-being, possibly depression. In this situation it is important correct behavior adults, expressed in sufficient attention to the problems of a teenager, as well as timely seeking qualified help. This will help prevent the development of pathological changes in the psyche and preserve the personality of a person.

Rave

Inappropriate behavior also refers to various delusional ideas. In the presence of delirium, a person does not always express it, but changes in his behavior can signal a mental disorder. This can manifest itself in mild forms, for example, when it seems to a person that behind his back other people condemn him. In this case, he can break off all contacts with people who fall under suspicion, without explaining the reasons. There are more serious signs, for example, if a person stops driving a car because it seems to him that the car was damaged by intruders. He may stop using his computer and telephone for fear of being tapped by the security services.
You should also be wary of a sudden and inexplicably appeared passion for mysticism, extrasensory perception or religion. This may be a sign or hallucinations, about which the patient prefers to remain silent. Pathological passion for mysticism and religion differs from the thinking and behavior of ordinary believers. The patient's thoughts constantly return to delusional ideas, he begins to plan some actions related to the content of the delusion. This is a state of psychosis that needs to be urgently treated in!

Do not underestimate the danger of delusion. A sick person can be dangerous: he can defend himself from imaginary persecutors or personify “demons” in someone. For example, the murder of the priest Father Adelheim was committed by a man in a state of psychosis.

hallucinations

With auditory hallucinations, the sick person can speak, whisper something in the absence of an interlocutor, laugh for no reason, listen. Voices in auditory hallucinations are in most cases unfamiliar, but sometimes they are perceived as the voices of relatives or friends. Appearing can push the sick person to search for an explanation of the phenomenon through religious or mystical teachings.

Find out more about

If you suspect that a person has delusions or hallucinations, you should seek medical help as soon as possible. It should be remembered that in the case of early treatment to a psychiatrist, the disease is much better treated.
You can consult on the symptoms of the disease at the Mental Health Clinic remotely, by phone or by calling +7 499 793-45-15.

Many people in the early stages of a mental disorder are afraid to go to a psychiatric clinic. This is due to the negative image of this area of medicine, which is surrounded by numerous myths. In addition, until now, mental illness is considered something shameful, which is not customary to talk about.
In fact, according to statistics, every seventh person on the planet suffers or has suffered mental disorder, and psychiatry has become a modern and rapidly developing branch of medicine.

We know how to help you!

Here are some signs of possible inadequacy that you should pay attention to (keep in mind that normal men can also have these signs in appearance, for example, if he is an artist, poet or a representative of some of the bohemian professions, which sometimes require an inadequate appearance from a person) . So, signs of inadequacy:

1) unpredictable polar mood swings (from good to bad; and also, if suddenly his mood changes from bad to unjustified joyful euphoria);

2) unexpected reactions to you or other people (behaves not logically, but unexpectedly or too impulsively);

3) facial expressions and gestures do not correspond to what is happening (excessive theatricality, twitchiness, excessive gesticulation, or vice versa, a strange calmness in an inappropriate environment, a stopped unblinking look of a "boa constrictor" right in your eyes);

4) interrupts the interlocutors, does not listen to their arguments and opinions, does not listen to others at all, or voices his point of view out of topic, sometimes categorically declares a completely inappropriate opinion or transfers the topic of conversation in general in a different direction;

5) talks more about himself;

6) uses obscene language, rude slang expressions, or generally uses out of place expressions, uses defiantly abstruse phrases in ordinary everyday conversation (for example, you are discussing that who is planning to cook what for dinner today and your new acquaintance says: "I noticed that any individual in a state of mental discomfort is capable of not controlling his the cognitive dissonance, so sometimes he does not know what he should have done.");

7) inappropriate style of clothing for certain circumstances, frilly, overly flashy clothing;

8) defiant appearance, dyed hair in a bright color or a strange hairstyle;

9) in men - excessive piercing, earrings in the ears, rings on the fingers or a lot of tattoos all over the body, not to mention scarring (this will also be immediately visible in the camera.) Therefore, we often say - look at the man in the camera and draw conclusions!

Remember! It is impossible to designate by one or two signs inadequate person unless you are a specialist in psychology. And each of all these "red flags" can only be a feature of his personality.

Perhaps often we call inadequate people if we see only a discrepancy with our expectations. Therefore, be observant, but kind to people. Be respectful of those with whom you communicate, but do not need excessive unsolicited compassion to the detriment of yourself!

But, before you conclude that a person is inadequate, try to understand exactly YOUR attitude towards this. Not imposed by society or acquaintances. And, if you like a person, then you can try to understand the reasons for his inappropriate behavior and not rush to conclusions or a decision. There were times when all friends dissuaded a girl from a relationship with a man, but she followed the call of her heart, eventually got married, left for the USA and gave birth to a child. Although I didn’t even expect that I could ever get married at all. So, everything is individual. Be vigilant, do not succumb to virtual seducers, do not send money to anyone you know on the Internet, do not meet with those who are disgusting to you, do not pay anything for men, do not swear with anyone. And the rest - everything is fixable.

A person’s inadequacy has a lot of reasons, we do not know the details of his childhood and the methods of parenting, the individual characteristics of his personality, level of education and physiology. Unless, of course, it is not blatantly inadequate, so that it hurts your eyes, hearing, and generally causes complete disgust. There is only one conclusion - to run away from this and try not to contact under any circumstances. No patience, fall in love. This is what it means to listen to your heart.

The Lantern editorial office received a letter from Vladimir Rykov with a request to "spread information about the possible danger lurking on the streets of our city." The young man shared his fears: he and his wife with a child periodically walk in Victory Park and meet one person there who “moves around the entire territory of the park, carries all kinds of garbage with him and, the strangest thing, sticks to passers-by asking him to photograph and send photo on his page in "VKontakte".

Rykov wrote that the man they encountered repeatedly "has a shabby appearance and strange things in his hands." The author of the letter also studied the page of this unusual passer-by in VKontakte. According to him, “the page is just full of very strange and sometimes frightening information. There are even videos with his participation, where he does not hesitate to use expressions against various people, including those containing a threat.” The author of the letter says that about 10 thousand people have subscribed to the VKontakte page of a person walking in the park. The applicant believes that the Belgorod citizen referred to in the letter can pose a danger to himself and others, so he asked the editors for advice on how to proceed in this situation.

Shortly after Vladimir Rykov's letter, the editorial office received several more requests with a request to pay attention to the entry in the Black List. Belgorod" with a request to parents to talk with their children and recommend them not to approach a person who walks around the city center.

- I don't know what's going on in his head. He begs, asks for money (including from children), eats from garbage cans, collects garbage bags, he smells bad, has problems with the law. He posted a photo of his apartment on the page (and one of the children came to him and took these photos). He speaks menacingly about all the inhabitants of Belgorod, calls for reprisals, hates everyone, demands someone's corpses on Belgorod Square, and yet he has more than 9 thousand subscribers, children read him. Unfortunately, the police will not respond until he has done something, writes one of the Belgorod residents.

The author of the entry asks: “Is there any service that takes care of such people? He needs medical help, and he needs to be protected from society, especially since his page is full of negativity, obscenities and calls to “punish everyone.”

This entry has received over 500 comments. Opinions can be conditionally divided into “protecting”, the authors of which talk about the need to help such people, and “condemning” - their authors point to the danger emanating from the hero of the recording.

After these appeals, we turned to the experts and learned from them what to do and who to contact if it seems that someone around is behaving inappropriately and is a danger to other people.

“It is safer for doctors not to put the patient in the hospital”

Psychiatrist Karolina Manachinskaya referring to the federal law“On psychiatric care and guarantees of the rights of citizens in its provision”, explained that psychiatric care is provided upon voluntary treatment of a person or with his consent.

- An exception is those cases when his examination and treatment are possible only in stationary conditions, and the mental disorder is severe and can carry an immediate danger to a person or others. Also, the basis for forced placement in a hospital may be the inability of a person to satisfy basic life needs on his own, or the likelihood that, if assistance is not provided, a person’s health will be significantly harmed due to a deterioration in mental state without psychiatric help, the specialist said.

Karolina Manachinskaya explained that the decision on the validity of hospitalization is made by a commission of psychiatrists of a psychiatric institution. It must be convened within 48 hours of the person's involuntary hospitalization.

If hospitalization is recognized as justified, then the conclusion of the commission of psychiatrists is sent to the court within 24 hours. It is usually considered within five days of hospitalization, and then the judge issues an order that involuntary hospitalization is necessary.

When a person's behavior can pose a danger to others, an ambulance is usually called. He is taken to a hospital, but without his consent, treatment is not started, and he is simply under observation. A lawyer arrives a few days later, checks whether human rights are being violated, and then you have to wait for a court decision. Now the laws have become stricter, and psychiatrists are criminally responsible for the fact that a person may be hospitalized not according to indications. In a way, this can tie doctors' hands. It is easier and safer not to put the patient in a hospital than to treat "by force". If a person is not registered, there is no reason to put him in a hospital, even if his condition worsens.

The psychiatrist says that under the current legislation, no preventive measures are currently provided for in relation to the mentally ill.

If the patient behaves calmly in the presence of a psychiatrist, then involuntary hospitalization does not threaten him. In fact, it is possible only if the person is under dispensary observation, and his behavior is clearly destructive.

Carolina said that if it seems to a person that a passerby on the street is behaving inappropriately, it can be dangerous for him, you should try to exclude contact with him and not draw attention to yourself.

If it so happened that you have to communicate with this person, you need to behave calmly, speak in an even voice, do not ask questions. On the network, the security rules are the same: it’s better not to start a correspondence, not to comment on his entries, not to give out your personal data, because this can lead to the fact that you will be calculated and persecuted, Karolina Manachinskaya advises.

Contact the police - employees must respond

The head of the information and public relations department of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Russia for the Belgorod Region, Colonel of the Internal Service Aleksey Goncharuk said that in such situations, police officers are also guided by the law “On psychiatric care and guarantees of the rights of citizens in its provision.” Based on this document, they determine the indications for the need for medical intervention.

- In cases where a police officer suspects that a person is mentally ill, he can call an ambulance at the place of residence of this person or at the police station, if he is there. In the behavior of a person in such a situation, actions that threaten him or others should be traced.

In other cases, information about such citizens is sent by law enforcement agencies to the name of the chief physician of the regional clinical neuropsychiatric hospital.

Also, the police are obliged to help health workers to deliver to specialized medical institutions those people who are called there by a court order, but they do not comply with this decision. With involuntary hospitalization, the degree of aggressiveness of the patient is taken into account. If he has with him objects with which he can injure, they are confiscated.

The head of the information and public relations department of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Russia for the Belgorod Region recalled that the police, together with medical workers, should monitor people who suffer from mental disorders, are ill with alcoholism or drug addiction and pose a danger to others. This is done in order to prevent possible crimes and administrative offenses. If information about a person was provided by health workers, and he is on a preventive list in one of the territorial police departments, preventive work is carried out with him: the police systematically come to his house at least once a quarter to assess his condition.

Alexey Goncharuk explained that when apartment building one of the tenants clutters up his apartment, the landing with garbage, gets a lot of animals, does not comply with sanitary and hygienic standards, his own legislative norm also applies to him.

- The owner of a dwelling is obliged to maintain it in proper condition, preventing mismanagement of it, to observe the rights and legitimate interests of neighbors, the rules for using residential premises, as well as the rules for maintaining the common property of owners of premises in an apartment building. Residents have the right to apply to the police on such facts to record them and take action in accordance with applicable law.

The police must accept and register a statement or report of an offense, if necessary, conduct an audit, take measures provided for by the legislation of the Russian Federation. Also, the police must inform the applicants about the progress of the consideration of such applications and transfer them to other organizations if the solution of the problem is within their competence. So, for example, in case of non-compliance with sanitary and hygienic standards based on the results of an inspection, the police send information to the Sanitary and Epidemiological Supervision authorities and the Department of Municipal Economy to consider the issue of bringing the perpetrators to administrative responsibility.

Learn to respect the freedom of others

Priest, psychologist Mikhail Artemenko said that if someone began to notice the unusual behavior of a loved one, he can contact the Family Support Center at the Church of Peter and Fevronia.

- If people believe that their loved one is unwell, his behavior has changed, you need to find out what exactly they do not like, what they are afraid of. Be sure to find an opportunity to talk with the person himself, about whom loved ones are worried. This conversation should be voluntary, it is necessary that the person himself wants to come to talk and tell about what is happening with him. “A slave is not a pilgrim” - there is such a phrase. Involuntarily, you can’t do anything with a person, you can only call him, - the psychologist explained.

Mikhail Artyomenko says that the priest must understand why a person's habitual way of life can change.

When changing behavior, it happens that we assume the influence of religious organizations of a totalitarian nature on a person. We need to exclude or confirm this. If it is confirmed, then there will be two scenarios: if the activities of the organization are prohibited in our country, we must contact law enforcement agencies. If not, again, we can only talk. When a possible mental illness is suspected, we may recommend that relatives talk to the person about seeing a neurologist or psychiatrist. Next is the matter of relatives, how they can persuade them to correctly bring their loved one to this. In general, it is quite difficult to convince someone to go to a psychiatrist, here pride turns on: “How am I sick?”.

If a person has violent behavior, other leverage may be involved, such as going to an ambulance. I also want to add that the behavior of another, which we may not like, is a sensitive issue. It's just that often we want the thoughts and feelings of another to match our ideas about them. And it is important to learn to respect the freedom of another. Maybe someone likes to go out at night and look at the stars for hours, but we do not understand this. The same holy fools always had incomprehensible, inexplicable behavior for the majority. Well, here is another one. good phrase: "Judge not, lest you be judged."

Any “other citizen” can apply

Director of the legal company "Charter" Alexandra Bereslavtseva believes that caution must be exercised in such situations.

- Before talking about hospitalization, it is necessary to establish whether there are grounds for resorting to such extreme measures of influence as the forced restriction of a person's freedom. If you don't like that your neighbor or acquaintance is behaving "weirdly", this does not mean that he has mental problems. And even if there is, this does not mean that he can be forcibly hospitalized, otherwise such measures can be used for non-medical purposes, harm the health, dignity and rights of citizens.

In accordance with Article 4 of the Law “On Psychiatric Care and Guarantees of the Rights of Citizens in its Provision,” psychiatric care is provided upon voluntary treatment and with consent to medical intervention, except as expressly provided by law.

Moreover, involuntary hospitalization or other restriction of the rights of persons suffering from mental disorders, only on the basis of a psychiatric diagnosis in accordance with the law, is unacceptable.

Alexandra Bereslavtseva explained in what situations compulsory psychiatric care can be provided.

If a person poses an immediate danger to himself or others, cannot independently satisfy the basic needs of life, his health deteriorates without the provision of psychiatric assistance, then on the basis of Article 23 of the aforementioned law, a psychiatric examination of this person can be carried out without his consent or without the consent of his legal representative.

What to do if someone is behaving inappropriately

"Something's wrong with your head"

When someone's behavior is alert, frightening, or bewildering, people say, "He's got something in his head." With this in mind mental disorder. Let's see why people behave strangely. And whether every case of strange behavior necessarily needs to be treated by a doctor.

We, as a rule, evaluate someone else's behavior on the basis of our own experience, ideas about the norms of public morality, as well as those rules that we are used to following. For example, "I would be ashamed to behave the way that girl behaves"; "I will be ready to fall through the ground (I will fight, get angry, get scared, I will feel guilty - underline as necessary) if they treat me like that"; "you can't swear, undress, shout in public places"; "Children must obey their parents in everything"; "it's not nice to gesticulate violently in the company of unfamiliar people"; and so on.

If someone's behavior, from our point of view, goes beyond the acceptable limit, we unconsciously feel anxiety, because we cannot predict this behavior. After all, if we are with such a subject in the same room, we can easily get into an awkward or dangerous situation, since he is not able to regulate his own impulses. In addition, our own personal boundaries are threatened: if a person does not feel the distance that must be observed, he can easily invade our personal space and cause pain. In the situation of the presence of such a person nearby, we feel discomfort and, if we can’t get out of the situation, we are all the time in perceptible tension, being forced to control the environment.

Apparent conduct disorder

Mental patients, being in a state of acute psychosis, may perceive the environment incorrectly, or not perceive it at all. They can act solely under the influence of "voices" or delusional ideas sounding inside them, simply sweeping away from their path everything that interferes with the implementation of their plans. Getting in the way of such a patient can be deadly.

A person's behavior may not comply with accepted standards for a number of other reasons, starting with alcohol, drug or drug intoxication and ending with an acute affective reaction.

People who have been behaving aggressively, strangely or pretentiously for many years, as a rule, have either a severe personality pathology or a severe mental disorder that changes the perception of the world, thinking and (or) behavior. And this is the case when the presence of mental problems is obvious. However, this is not always the case.

Periodic problems

There are a number of mental disorders in which the behavior of a sick person outwardly seems absolutely normal. And you will never guess that in front of you is a person whose behavior may be inadequate - of course, if you do not spend some time with him or find yourself in a close relationship. As a rule, the underlying problems of people with periodic conduct disorders are associated with addictions, mood swings, personality pathology of the borderline or narcissistic types, or paroxysmal course of mental illness.

There are cases of twilight disorders of consciousness, when an outwardly absolutely calm person committed a serious crime, being unable to realize this. Sleepy states, ambulatory trances, somnambulism in many cases do not at all cause suspicion that a person does not understand what he is doing or does not control his actions.

Cravings for drug or alcohol use are known for their ability to cause a sick person to periodically manipulate others, as well as to perform strange, illogical or dangerous acts in order to get Chemical substance which he wants to use.

Psychoses with visual or auditory hallucinations, delusional disorders with an intermittent or remitting (periodic) course, psychopathy and sociopathy may not manifest themselves outside of an acute episode. We see a normal person with some not very disturbing character traits (and who doesn’t have them?), and often very kind and very attractive at all - and we cannot even imagine that the time will come when his behavior will be unbearable and even dangerous .

"Quiet Madness"

In the most severe cases, emergency medical psychiatric care is required, sometimes associated with the need to involve police officers and the Ministry of Emergencies, guardianship and guardianship authorities to send a sick person for treatment.

Call a psychiatrist

In medicine, especially military medicine, the following principle is well known: first of all, they examine those who scream less and ask for help. This is due to the fact that a person who is in a state of shock, helplessness or depressed consciousness, due to the severity of the damage, is not able to ask for help. And if you miss the moment, the case can end in death. All doctors know that the most seriously ill patients do not ask for help. They are silent.

Psychiatry is no exception to the general rule. First of all, help should be provided to those patients from the last category: silent, depressive, in a state of acute delirium or acute hallucinosis; lonely dementia patients closed in their dwellings and unable to serve themselves due to their condition. Therefore, if one of your neighbors or acquaintances suddenly disappeared, it may very well be that trouble has happened to him and he needs professional medical help.

Often people are prevented from providing this timely assistance to a mentally ill person by elementary fear (“yes, he’ll be attacked again”), disgust or prejudice. In this regard, the main thing to remember is that mental patients are the same people as everyone else. The same, but permanently living in extreme situation that their mental disorder has created for them. They, like the rest, if it were in their power, would choose a quiet adequate life. Vedas, absolutely no one wants to have problems - neither with enemies, nor with health. It is precisely in order to solve their problems that mentally ill people struggle with those intrigues of fate that, as they see, have fallen to their lot. And these "intrigues" are precisely the manifestations of mental illness: the "voices" of enemies; persecutors knocking on doors and threatening to kill; those around them who are plotting something bad against them, and so on. And even if we decide to help, then talking about whether a person is hungry, whether he is healthy, how long ago he slept for the last time, it may not work the first time, since all his thoughts and feelings are focused on getting rid of the threats looming over him.

Psychiatrists have to talk to such patients every day. There are situations when drug treatment help is impossible. Therefore, in a situation of severe mental disorder, the best thing you can do for yourself or your loved one is to consult a psychiatrist.

What to do if a person closed in an apartment

Try to carefully ask friends or neighbors about when they last saw him and what condition he was in; what he talked about and whether he talked at all; how he looked and how he behaved. Write a statement about the incident to the district police on whose territory the allegedly ill person lives. If you really want, then carefully, by indirect signs, try to determine whether the one you are looking for is at home. If you have adequate contact with him, try to offer your help by phone. However, avoid being intrusive or looming near the door to his apartment - in the case of a delusional psychosis, you may be considered an enemy, and some kind of weapon will suddenly be used on you. It is better, in the absence of an answer, to entrust such actions to the police. The powers of the latter include the obligation to call a psychiatrist to persons suffering from mental disorders.

For other groups of people behaving inappropriately

there is a following rule. If a person behaves in a way that can be suspected of having a mental disorder, psychiatric care without his consent, he can only be rendered when his actions pose an immediate danger to himself or others. This is written in Article 23 of the Law "On Psychiatric Care and Guarantees for Citizens in the Provision of It." In other cases, assistance is provided only by court order. An application to the court is filed by a psychiatrist (district officer) who conducts an appointment at a dispensary, or a doctor in the emergency room of a hospital if the patient was brought there.

Thus, the correct course of action for a person suspected of having a mental disorder is as follows:

Ensure your own safety
Call the police if a person violates public order or someone's rights
Submit a written application to the psychiatric dispensary at the place of residence of the patient

In conclusion, I would like to note that someone's strange behavior never means a mandatory call to a psychiatrist or hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital. Perhaps the person has suffered a mental trauma, severe stress or emotional shock; maybe he lost his nerve, he is offended, angry, annoyed or humiliated. This condition is called "acute affective reaction". Over time, this condition can go away on its own: the person himself will find a way out of the situation. Inappropriate behavior may be due to the fact that he is in a state of alcoholic or drug intoxication, and his inappropriate behavior is associated with this. And this, too, will pass without outside help without examination and hospitalization.

And there is another very important thought that I would like to express. Please remember that in any case, you are solely responsible for your own safety. Try to ensure this safety for yourself first. Do not try to help people who are not helpless. Especially if you are not asked to. If you really want to help a mental patient, call a specialist to him. And then everything will be all right.