The basis of life position. life positions. I'm Not-OK, You're OK: Avoiding Interaction

LIVING POSITION - the orientation of the life of the individual, her t. er. about their place and role in public life (as opposed to social status, position). On the moral plane, life style is a system of behavior of a person, determined by his convictions, ideology, and conscience. A person's position on any socially significant issue is a philosophic issue insofar as it corresponds to the objective logic of the development of social reality and reflects the balance of real social forces that influence this development. Criterion of truth, correctness of this or that Zh. item - its conformity to progressive tendencies of development about-va, interests of advanced social forces. In order to determine the life style of people, it is necessary, in the words of V. I. Lenin, to find out “what kind of social situation and exactly how their actions are determined” (vol. 1, p. 430). Zh. p. - one of the most important signs of the personal development of the individual, determining his place in the historical process. The formation of personality is at the same time a conscious choice by a person of one or another Zh. p. (Moral choice). The content of the personal choice of a certain Zh. item is ultimately determined by the ideals and values of the community, class or social group to which this belongs. But this does not detract from the role of the subject himself, the individual in determining his attitude to the world. Life and V. I. Lenin - and an example of a consciously made choice and consistent implementation of an active Zh. p, personality. Zh. p. is an expression of such a social activity of a person, which is based on ideological certainty and adherence to principles, presupposes social consciousness. Zh.'s activity is expressed both ideologically - in an interested, biased, party attitude towards the ideals, goals, theoretical attitudes of the community, class, and behaviorally, characterizing consistency and masculinity in defending a person's views, beliefs, in their implementation in practice . Therefore, Zh. p. should be clearly distinguished from businesslike, “grip”, cunning opportunism (choosing someone's side or so-called sp. for reasons of selfish interest, calculation, benefit). The moral basis of active life philosophy is the principle of the unity of word and deed, which is expressed in the desire of a person to realize social, including moral, in practice. Correspondence, the fusion of theory and practice, unity, thought and action, when people can be vouched for, V. I. Lenin said that “they will not take a word on faith, they will not say a word against their conscience” (vol. 45, p. 391), the most important condition for the effectiveness of the Zh. item chosen by the masses or the personality. Active Zh. item is opposed by a passive position, when a person stands on the so-called. sp. an outside contemplator, a neutral observer, guided by the principle "my hut is on the edge." In a moral sense, such passivity is identical to indifference, often feeding renegacy. A special case of a departure from active life style is the discrepancy between word and deed, which testifies to the declarative, formal nature of a person's conviction, and sometimes to moral hypocrisy. Social and personal passivity in all its forms is alien to communist morality; the only exceptions are those special cases where passivity is a peculiar form of activity (for example, under conditions of bourgeois democracy, deliberate evasion of voting in elections that offer no alternative, etc.). Of great moral importance is the struggle against moral infantilism, lack of initiative and inactivity, against social complacency, intoxication with success, lack of self-criticism, against ideological vacillations and concessions on matters of principle.

Ethics Dictionary. - M.: Politizdat. Ed. I. Kona. 1981 .

See what "LIFE POSITION" is in other dictionaries:

life position- n., number of synonyms: 1 life setting (2) ASIS Synonym Dictionary. V.N. Trishin. 2013 ... Synonym dictionary

LIFE POSITION- [engagement engagement]: the manifestation of indifference and activity in resolving conflicts of responsibilities or ideas; opposite to abstraction, indifference, neutrality. The word itself, which became popular in recent times thanks to the work... Philosophical Dictionary

Life position- is a way of one's own life chosen by a person, a set of life relations, values of ideals and the found nature of their implementation, which ensures the formation of a person and the further course of his life. One of characteristic features… … Social Work Dictionary

LIFE POSITION- manifestation of indifference and activity in resolving the conflict of duties or ideas; opposite to abstraction, indifference, neutrality. The word itself, which has become popular recently thanks to the work of supporters of personalism and ... ... Eurasian wisdom from A to Z. Explanatory dictionary

LIFE POSITION- the main components of the orientation of the personality, which determine beliefs, principles, value orientations, attitudes that have become the motives of activity ... Modern educational process: basic concepts and terms

LIFE POSITION- the motivated orientation of the individual's life, his understanding of the meaning of life, social values and norms, which is the basis for choosing a line of behavior; manifests itself through a rationally meaningful and emotionally colored attitude towards ... ... Professional education. Dictionary

LIFE POSITION- the result of a person mastering his behavior, he becomes the subject of behavior, that is, a person who independently achieves his goals ... Encyclopedic Dictionary of Psychology and Pedagogy

Life position- an internal attitude, determined by the worldview, moral and psychological qualities of the individual and reflecting her subjective attitude towards society ... Glossary of terms on general and social pedagogy

LIFE POSITION- internal installation, due to worldview, moral and psychol. personality traits and reflecting its subjective attitude to society. Zh. p. manifests itself in the real behavior of a person, m. b. active (constant desire to change ... ... Pedagogical Dictionary

Life position of the individual- the most important ideas that express the attitude of the individual to various life realities, which a person voluntarily guides in his life. These life-leading ideas are expressed in the most various forms: beliefs, principles, ... ... Fundamentals of spiritual culture (encyclopedic dictionary of a teacher)

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What are the inner, deep person's position in life And such is his life. The fact is indisputable. Many people unconsciously find each other in these positions - magnet law(more on that below).

And if a person is unlucky in something, he is unlucky in life, maybe in love or in a career, then the reason for this is his life positions, laid down in childhood and affecting the script, style and path of his life.

However, although life attitudes, positions and some guidelines are fixed at an early age, any person can still change them, which means that he can change his life for the better.

The main life positions of a person

Consider, for starters, basic life positions of a person- there are only four of them, they are paired, and represent a judgment, an attitude towards oneself, one's "I" and an attitude towards another person (your neighbor) - "You".

I + You +, or, everything is fine with me, and everything is fine with you - the position of a person who is successful in life

The judgment and attitudes of these people are directed towards health, well-being and prosperity. Their behavior and actions are aimed at cooperation and development. Their social status is a winner, a lucky and lucky person.

I + You-, or, with me, everything is fine with me, but something is wrong with you, or you are bad - the position of an arrogant person

Such people think: “I don’t care, these are your problems”, or “I know better what you need” ... Their behavior is aimed at destroying, for example, relationships, and deliverance ... Social role: fighter for the truth, revolutionary, public figure ...

I-You+, or, something is wrong with me (bad), but everything is fine with you - the life position of a subordinate, envious person

Such people live hard and sad. Their thinking is aimed at condemning those who succeed in something, but they do not. Behavior strategy - withdrawal and depression. Social role: passive contemplative...

I, you-, or, everything is bad with me and everything is dysfunctional with you - a position, often depressive, of a loser ...

These people think something like this: "Everything is useless and meaningless in this world, and there is nothing I can do about it." Actions are aimed at long-term self-destruction, or suicide. In society, passive or depressed (depressed).

Triangular life positions of a person

Let's analyze the tripartite life positions of a person: "I" "You" "They".

Me+ You+ They+- lucky position (Love for all)
Me + You + They-- the position of a snob and a demagogue (like, Yes, who needs them ...
I + You - They +- the position of the agitator and the dissatisfied (like, You are much worse than them)
Me + You - They -- the position of a lonely "righteous" critic (pure arrogance, like Everyone should bow and imitate me ... of course, as far as these nonentities are available)
I- You+ They+- “Penitent saint, masochist, “pure” melancholic (I am the most unworthy person in the world)
I- You + They-- Obsequious. snob... (thinking: I humiliate myself, and you will reward me, not those nonentities)
I- You- They+- envious serf (thinking: they hate us because we are not as good as them)
I- You- They-- Pessimist, cynic, fatalist, believer in predestined fate (None of us is good for anything ...)

In addition, there is uncertain life positions, for example, Me+ You+ They?— You and I are fine, everything is fine with us, but others are still unclear… let them present evidence… (the position of the Evangelist). Or, Me + You? They are-“Most people are no good, but as for you…wait and see…” (Aristocrat position).

First what people feel in each other when communicating and interacting - these are life positions.

And most importantly, often like attracts like…even if we don't realize it.
For example, a person with an arrogant position (I + You-) will look for partners, "friends" and lovers of a person with a subordinate position (I-You +). Accordingly, the latter will look for the former.

Because, for example, two people with the same positions I + You-- just don't get along.

At the same time, two people with pluses in all positions will get along well with each other, and will be able to maintain good relations with people of other life positions.

Moreover, people with a positive attitude in life can transform, change the negative attitudes of other people who interact with them.

People living in their script, created on the basis of their life position, often live according to "The Law of the Magnet"- they get to know each other, start relationships, find partners, even get married and get married - all on the basis of mutual attraction of different polarities (plus attracts minus, and vice versa).

This law does not apply to those who do not have a script (free people), and to those who have a happy, successful winner's script, with a life position (I + You + They +) - these also attract pluses.

How to define and change your life position

You can determine your position in life by observing yourself in certain stressful situations and fixing, for example, on paper, your emotional and behavioral reactions. The latter correspond to one or another I-position.

Free people, i.e. without a life script, very little. And the rest - have a lucky, average (banal), unlucky, including dramatic, comic or tragic scenarios, which means that they are periodically in one of the four main I-positions (see the beginning).

That life position in which a person stays most of his life is the main one.

Also, with some observation and training, you can easily determine the main life position of your partner, friend, acquaintance, loved one or beloved ... This will give you the opportunity to consciously approach a serious choice in life.

For example, a girl may determine that her main position is I- T +, and y young man, with whom she, as it were, accidentally met - the position I + T-. This will indicate that they agreed on the "law of the magnet", and most likely their relationship is doomed. (if she had both pluses, then she would never communicate with a person who has “You-“).

The figure above schematically shows a mini-scenario of a person's life (mini-script), i.e. not yet stressful situation(or a situation that a person perceives as stressful, for example, an insult ...) - a person is in a life position I + You + ... But as soon as, for example, you tell him (or show) that he is a bastard, then, perceiving it as stress (“collision”), your interlocutor will switch to another I-position - for example, to the second I-You + (that is, he will feel ... "not very"). After that (and this all happens almost instantly), he can move into the position of an accuser (I + You-), i.e. “Run into” you ... or into the I-position (4) I-You-, take offense at everyone and leave.

mini script, i.e. change of life positions at a certain, stressful moment of time, occurs quite quickly, almost instantly. And, by non-verbal signals (facial expression, gestures, posture, tone of voice ...), as well as by words and emotions, you can determine which position a person has switched to.

And if you often communicate, then you can notice some regularity of these switchings, and, therefore, you can easily find out the main life position of another person.

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Introduction

Every person is born of two parents. It is the result of millions of coincidences, patterns and accidents. It is complex and contradictory. And yet there is one basic characteristic that he needs as the foundation of every home. It is called the basic life attitude, fixed life position or basic life position. This is a set of basic, basic ideas about oneself, significant others, the world around, which provide the basis for the main decisions and human behavior. Human,livinginsociety,interactingWithothersindividualstakescertainvitalposition.

Life position- the attitude of a person to the world around him, expressed in his thoughts and actions.

Formationvitalpositionspersonalities is a complex and difficult process. It requires a lot of stress and expenditure of physical, moral, psychological and mental efforts. This process is significantly influenced by micro- and macro-environments, the level of development of productive forces and production relations, the socio-political system, the political regime, the level of culture, etc. This process is accompanied by the assimilation of the seemingly accumulated humanity, achievements in the field of material and spiritual culture, scientific and professional knowledge, worldview, beliefs and skills, labor and socio-political activities, etc. An active life position of a person becomes possible under the condition of a critically creative mastery of all the wealth of mankind, the formation of a readiness to actively act in society.

The choice of a fixed life position is carried out by the family, the immediate environment and the person himself. This happens from the first moments of life and ends by the age of seven. That is, at such a young age, when it is still impossible to count on a full awareness of the seriousness decision, clarity and depth of thinking.

As soon as the main life position has been determined, all actions, all human behavior is aimed at confirming and consolidating it. However, in order to be precise, it is important to say that the basic life position of each person develops even before birth. And every child before his birth believes that he is well-off and other people are well-being. I am good, you are good. You are basically the mother and those around her.

The child begins to walk. He is very awkward, falls, breaks dishes, spoils things. He is clumsy and ridiculed. He is often punished. Then the nursery Kindergarten, school. And everywhere the position I am not prosperous - You are prosperous is brought up, imposed, hammered. However, this is the most adaptive position for a Soviet person - a modest worker, humbly waiting for a reward.

A person with a negative image of his own Self is burdened by the events taking place and takes the blame for them. He is not confident enough in himself, does not claim success and results. He underestimates his work. Refuses to take initiative and responsibility. Stressed and often sick. Moreover, diseases develop slowly, proceed sluggishly, the recovery period is delayed for a long time.

He often experiences depression, suffers from neuroses, character disorders, is prone to self-destructive behavior: smoking, alcohol abuse, drugs. It is characterized by vegetovascular and psychosomatic disorders, reduced immunity. Typical gastritis, ulcers, diseases of the small and large intestines, biliary dyskinesia and renal colic. For women, disorders of the ovarian - menstrual cycle are characteristic, for men - prostatitis. They have reduced sexual desire and potency. Hypothyroidism, hypotension, dynamic disorders of cerebral circulation are typical, ischemic strokes are possible.

Such people are slovenly in their way of life, in their clothes. They choose for themselves a banal or losing scenario - an unconscious plan of life. Quite often they can be found at a doctor's appointment, among patients of somatic, psychiatric or narcological hospitals. It is important to note that most of the members of our society carry with them a fixed emotional attitude throughout their lives: I am not well - you are well. We meet them constantly and everywhere. They live hard and sad. They have an impact on others, and it is not easy for us along with them. And yet it is not the most minor setting. There is one more: I am not well - you are not well. I am not well - you are not well. Such a person is not energetic enough; he is rather apathetic, prone to depression, passive hostility towards himself and others. Unable to be persistent. He is constantly haunted by failure, and he got used to it. He does not have a creative approach to work and life in general. From his point of view, he does not deserve positive and praise. Moreover, he does not perceive or hear them. He is gloomy, ironic, difficult to communicate. His passivity eventually forms a negative attitude towards him of those around him. With his untidy, scandalous clothes, appearance, smell emanating from clothes and body, he constantly declares: Everything is wrong with me - Everything is wrong with you. This is an attitude of hopeless despair, when life is useless and full of disappointments. Man is powerless and others cannot help him. It remains to sink to the bottom and wait for death.

The installation of trouble develops in a child deprived of attention, abandoned, when others are indifferent and not interested in him. Or when a person has suffered a great loss and does not have the resources for his own recovery, when everyone around him has turned away from the person and he is deprived of support.

Such people; suffer from many different diseases. This is depression to apathy. Various colds, infectious and somatic diseases caused by reduced immunity. They have a sharply suppressed sexual desire, reduced potency. Women have limited opportunities to become pregnant and give birth. For them, all health disorders caused by self-destructive behavior are typical - excessive smoking, abuse of alcohol and its surrogates, narcotic and toxic substances. Characterized by injuries to the body, as well as the skull and brain and their consequences.

Diseases and health disorders in them proceed for a long time. For the most part, such people slowly break down. The diseases themselves flow sluggishly, accompanied by complications. The recovery period is getting longer. There are often associated comorbidities. The drugs used to treat them give me side effects and complications. Only a part of people with the installation I am not well - you are not well live in society. Many of them spend their lives waiting for the end in narcological, psychiatric and somatic hospitals, homes for the chronically ill, in places of detention. Many today are simply thrown out of life and complete their lives a little on the street, joining the ranks of the homeless. The next setting is not so pessimistic. And yet, its carriers deliver a lot of worries and inconvenience to others. It is formulated as follows: I am well - you are not well.

vital personality conformist depressive

1. correctvitalpositionpersonalities

Each of us has our own vitalposition. It determines our ability to deal with difficulties, hardships, our strength and faith depend on it. These are the basic principles and beliefs of a person about the world, society, about himself, expressed in thoughts, words, deeds. And this, sometimes, greatly distinguishes people from each other.

Consider main types vital positions:

1. conformist(passive) where there is subordination to society, the world around and a person lives by coincidence. In turn, here we distinguish the following subspecies:

b) group-conformist, where all members of this group strictly abide by the rules and regulations adopted here

c) Social conformist, where each individual is strictly subject to all the norms of society, which is usually accepted in a totalitarian state

1. Activevitalposition aimed at changing the surrounding reality, the transformation of norms, rules, lifestyle. Here are the following points:

a) Independent state of the individual in relation to other people, but subordination to the main main leader

b) Compliance and acceptance of social norms and rules, but the desire for leadership in the team

c) Ignoring moral and moral norms, an active desire to take one's life position outside of society: a gang, a criminal community, in other asocial groups

d) Rejection of the norms of society, constant independent desire to change the surrounding reality, often with the help of other people: revolutionaries, opposition .. This is the state of a happy productive individual.

2. Activevitalpositionpersonalities

Activevitalpositionhuman- nothing more than an indifferent attitude to the world around, which is manifested in the actions and thoughts of the individual himself. The first thing that many pay attention to when communicating with a stranger is his position in life. It is she who distinguishes us from each other psychologically. This position in life allows or does not allow each person to overcome difficulties. Sometimes it is the cause of our success or failure. Moreover, in many ways it is the life position that determines the fate of a person. Life position has a manifestation in all spheres of life, influencing moral and spiritual positions, socio-political and labor activity. An active position is characterized by a quick reaction of a certain person to life situations and a widespread readiness for specific actions.

To vital positions in in general relate:

· political preferences;

a person's worldview

· its principles, etc.

3. Formationactivevitalpositions

It has been formed since human birth. The foundation of its appearance is communication with others, their influence on personal development each of us.

It is initiative that holds the true secret of developing an active life position. But its growth, like everything else in the universe, needs a kind of "battery" that will give energy for this improvement. Your battery? it is desire. After all, only they are able to force them to fight with difficulties, helping to achieve the desired goals.

All of us have ever come across people whose life was dominated by an active position. They internally stand out from those around them. In companies, they are often leaders. Such individuals are able to lead society, because their point of view and inner potential cause a desire to follow them.

4. Typesactivevitalpositionspersonalities

Position "positive" committed to the observance of moral standards and the victory of good over evil.

Position "negative" . You shouldn't think that active people- these are necessarily those who act only “good”, on the contrary, one must understand that their actions can also be harmful to society and themselves. All kinds of gangs and gangs created by active individuals with certain, pronounced beliefs and specific goals, harm society.

Our life is not something static and unchanging. It changes with the passage of time, the development of new technologies and the influence of people on our inner world. It is only important to be interested in improving the surrounding world.

For people of the first type, the main thing is not only to get hung up on their own and only their experiences, but also on global issues all over the world. True, not everyone can personal qualities uplift for the benefit of society, and set the principles, beliefs, worldview to achieve success. But what will be the position in life depends only on the person himself.

Berne suggested that at the most early stages scenario formation, the young child "...already has certain beliefs about himself and about the people around him... These beliefs, which he apparently carries through the rest of his life, can be summed up as follows: 1) I am OK or I am not OK; You are OK or You are not-OK."

These four points of view are called vital positions. Some authors call them fundamental positions, existential positions or just positions. They reflect a person's fundamental attitudes about the essential value that he sees in himself and other people. This is something more than just an opinion about one's or someone else's behavior.

Having adopted one of these positions, the child, as a rule, begins to adjust his entire script to it. Berne wrote: "At the heart of every game, every scenario, and every human destiny is one of these four fundamental positions."

The child who adopted the position "I'm OK, you're OK" is more likely to build a winning scenario. He finds that he is loved and glad for his existence. He decides that his parents can be loved and trusted, and subsequently extends this view to people in general.

If an infant takes the "I'm not-OK, you're OK" position, he is more likely to write a banal or losing script. In accordance with this fundamental position, he will play out in the script his role as a victim and his losses to other people.

The "I'm OK, you're not OK" attitude can set the stage for a seemingly winning scenario. But such a child is convinced that he needs to rise above others, and keep them in a humiliated position. For a while he may succeed, but only at the cost of continuous struggle. Over time, the people around him will get tired of their humiliated position and turn away from him. Then he will turn from a supposedly "winner" into a loser himself.

The attitude "I'm not OK, you're not OK" is the most likely basis for a losing scenario. Such a child has come to believe that life is empty and hopeless. He feels humiliated and unloved. He believes that no one is able to help him, since the rest are also not-OK. So his script will revolve around scenes of rejection by others and his own rejection.

5. Originvitalpositions

Berne believed that "... the position is taken in early childhood (from three to seven years) in order to justify a decision based on earlier experience." In other words, according to Berne, early decisions come first, and then the child takes a position in life, thereby creating a picture of the world that justifies earlier decisions.

For example, an infant who has not yet learned to speak may take next solution: "Never again will I risk loving someone, since Mom showed that she does not love me." He later justifies this decision with the belief "no one will love me", which translates to "I'm not OK". If a little girl is spanked by her father, she may decide, "I will never trust a man again because Dad treats me badly." Subsequently, she extends this decision to all other men in the form of the belief "men cannot be trusted", that is, "you (they) are not OK."

From the point of view of Claude Steiner, life positions are taken much earlier. He traces their origins to the first months of feeding a child. According to Steiner, the position "I'm OK, you're OK" reflects the comfortable atmosphere of interdependence between the child and the breastfeeding mother. He equates it with the position of "fundamental trust" described by the child development Eric Erickson. This is such a "... state of affairs when the baby feels that he is in unity with the world, and everything is in unity with him."

Steiner believes that all children start with an "I'm OK, you're OK" attitude. The child changes position only when something disturbs the harmony of his interdependence with his mother. For example, when a child feels that the mother ceases to protect him and accept him as unconditionally as she did in the first days. Some babies may perceive birth itself as a threat to primordial harmony. In response to any kind of discomfort in his life, the child may decide that he is not-OK, or that others are not-OK. He goes from Erickson's state of "fundamental trust" to a state of "fundamental mistrust." And then, based on this fundamental idea of himself and other people, the child begins to write the script of his life.

Thus, Steiner agrees with Berne that attitude "justifies" script decisions. However, according to Steiner, a life position is taken first, and after that, scenario decisions.

So, attitude can be defined as totality fundamental beliefs about yourself and others people which human uses for excuses their decisions and his behavior.

6. Life position in adults

Each of us enters adulthood with a script for later life, based on one of the four life positions. However, we do not stay in the chosen position all the time. We are constantly moving from one position to another.

Franklin Ernst developed a method for analyzing such transitions. He called him OK-Plot(Fig. 1)

Instead of the term "OK" Ernst uses the expression "OK for me". This is done to emphasize that "okay" is due to my beliefs: my beliefs about yourself and my beliefs about you.

Rice. 1. OK-Plot

The top pole of the vertical axis of the Site corresponds to "You are OK", the bottom - "You are not OK". On the horizontal axis on the right we have "I'm OK", on the left we have "I'm not-OK". Each of the four squares corresponds to some vital position.

For brevity, "OK" in the literature on TA is often denoted by the sign "+", and "non-OK" - by the sign "-". The word "you" is sometimes also abbreviated to the letter "T".

On fig. 1 shows one of the variants of the Site, where each of the four positions has its own name. Ernst's original diagram did not include these names, but they are often used by other authors.

Franklin Ernst points out that each of the children's positions is represented in adult life in the form of a certain social interaction. He calls the last " operation". The names of these operations are given on the scheme of the Site. When we perform any of these operations unconsciously, in the state of the Child, we do this, as a rule, in order to provide a scenario "justification" for the corresponding life position. However, we have another possibility - we we can move into the Adult state and carry out any of these operations consciously, through which social interaction can lead to the desired results for us.

I'm OK, you're OK: engagement

I just got to work. On the threshold, the boss meets me with a pile of papers. "Here's the report we've been waiting for," he says. "I've marked some points for you. Could you review them and report back?" "Very well," I reply, "it will be done."

By agreeing to fulfill the request of the boss, I decided for myself that I was competent enough to perform this task and I liked it. I find that the boss stated his request politely and reasonably. Thus, I take the position "I'm OK, you're OK". At the level of social interaction, my boss and I turned on to the common cause.

Every time I interact with people in this position, I reinforce my belief that I and others are OK.

I'm Not-OK, You're OK: Avoiding Interaction

I sit down at my desk and turn to the first page of the report. Out of the corner of my eye, I see someone walking towards me. This is one of my colleagues. He looks worried. Since I am already familiar with this expression on his face, it is not difficult for me to guess why he complained. He is going to endlessly complain about his work, ask me for advice and not listen to him. When he comes to my desk and opens his mouth, I can choose between two options: follow the script or respond to him from the Adult state.

scenario operation: Let's say I enter the script and take the position "I'm not-OK, you're OK." I say to myself: "I'm not able to help him. I can't do it. But what is he, he will just talk and that's it. We need to get out of here!" I tighten my abs and sweat. Not listening to what my colleague is talking about, I mumble, "I'm sorry, Jim, I need to jump out to the bathroom!" - and head for the door. As I leave the room, I let go of my tension with a sigh of relief. I gone from Jim according to the script. In doing so, I reinforced my Child's belief that I am not OK and others are OK.

adult operation: If I decide to stay in Adult, I say to myself: “At the moment I don’t want to listen to Jim. He has problems, but it’s not for me to solve them. However, if he talks, you can’t stop him. I think it’s best to go beyond his reach." As soon as Jim opens his mouth and begins to utter his first complaint, I say: "Yes, Jim, things are bad. But I'm busy right now. I was just about to go to the library, check some data on this report. I hope you do well" . I collect my papers and leave. With the help of the Adult, I consciously chose the operation care.

I'm OK, You're Not OK: Getting Rid of Interaction

Ten minutes later, with a cup of coffee, I return to the office and delve into the report. The door opens again. This time it's my assistant. He looks dejected. "I'm afraid I have bad news," he says. "Remember, you ordered me to print materials? I got busy and forgot to turn them in on time. And now the printer is busy. What should I do?"

scenario operation: I can answer him from the position "I'm OK, you're not OK." Blushing, I say in a sharp voice: "What do you do? Correct the situation, that's what you do! I don’t want to hear anything else until the material is on the table, understand?” At the same time, my pulse rises and I literally boil with indignation. When the assistant disappears, I say to myself: “You can’t rely on anyone in our time, everything have to do!" I got rid of from the assistant, creating a scripted "justification" for my belief that I am OK and others are not.

adult operation: I answer the assistant; "Well, your job is to fix things. I've got urgent work to do right now. So look for an opportunity to print materials somewhere else as soon as possible. I'll see you at four, report back on the results." I bend over the report again, signaling that the conversation is over. I got rid of from an assistant, so now I can do my own thing, and we both remain OK.

I am not-OK, you are not-OK: non-engagement in interaction

The phone rings. The wife calls from home: "Something terrible has happened! The pipe burst, and while I managed to turn off the water, the entire carpet was flooded!"

scenario operation: In this case, I can take the position "I'm not OK, you're not OK." I say to myself: "I've had enough. This is beyond my strength. And you can't rely on your wife. It's all useless." I groan into the phone: "Listen, this is already beyond my strength. It's already been a day, it's too much." Without waiting for an answer, I hang up. I feel exhausted and depressed. Deep down, I solidified my belief that I and everyone else is not OK.

adult operation: Deciding to stay in the Adult state, I say, "Listen, it's over now. Wait until I get back. Then we'll see what we can do." I chose surgery non-involvement.

7. OK-site, personal changes

Although we are constantly moving around the squares of the Lot, each of us has a "favorite" square in which we, acting according to the scenario, spend most of the time. It corresponds to the basic life position we took in childhood.

"I'm OK, you're OK" is healthy position. At the same time, I participate in life and the resolution of life's problems. I act in order to achieve the winning results I desire. This is the only position based on reality. If as a child I took the position "I'm not-OK, you're OK", then most likely I will play my scenario mainly from depressive positions, feeling inferior to other people. Without realizing it, I will choose feelings and behaviors that are unpleasant for me, "confirming" that I have determined my place in the world correctly. If I develop mental health problems, they will most likely be diagnosed as neurosis or depression. If I wrote a fatal script, it would probably end in suicide.

The childish attitude of "I'm OK, you're not OK" means that I will be living my script mostly from a defensive position, trying to rise above other people. At the same time, they are likely to perceive me as a suppressive, insensitive and aggressive person. Although this position is often called paranoid, it also fits the psychiatric diagnosis of character disorder. In a third-degree losing scenario, my final scene might involve killing or maiming other people.

If I took the "I'm not-OK, you're not-OK" attitude as a baby, my script will play out predominantly from barren positions. I will consider that this world and the people who inhabit it are bad, as well as myself. If I wrote a banal script, my negligent attitude to most of life's undertakings will run like a red thread through it. If I have a fatal scenario, the solution may be to "go crazy" and earn a psychotic diagnosis.

Like all other components of the script, life position can be changed. As a rule, this happens only as a result of an insight - a sudden direct-intuitive awareness of one's scenario - a course of therapy or some kind of strong life shock.

Often the process of changing one's life position is associated with a certain sequence of moving along the squares of the Site. If a person initially spends most of their time in Z-T-, their next stop will most likely be Z+T-. After spending some time in this main square for himself now, he will move into I-T +. The ultimate goal is to stay longer and longer in the I + T + square until it becomes the main place of residence.

It may seem strange that in order to go from I+T- to I+T+, people often need to go through I-T+. But, as therapeutic experience testifies, I + T-often turns out to be protective reaction against I-T+. Deciding that "I am OK and everyone else is not OK," the infant establishes himself in this position to protect himself from the painful realization of his inferiority and helplessness in the face of his parents. To really become an adult, a person needs to live through this childhood pain and get rid of it.

Conclusion

A person develops his position throughout life. First, he forms it, then strengthens or changes it. Life position cannot remain unchanged throughout life. Not every person will be able to radically change their previous beliefs and develop a new active life position, but they will certainly support or strengthen the already existing one, either positive or negative.

It is important to remember that there is no such thing as an "ideal" or "perfect" life position. The position must be corrected with every change that occurs in our lives. After all, on the way each of us meet various situations which "unsettle" and only thanks to our own efforts, flexibility in the approach to understanding what is happening, we will be able to achieve a successful solution, find a way out and cope with the situation.

The life position of a person must be formulated, and the addition to these seven keys is this: be kind to yourself. Few of us can infuse compassion-based kindness into our behavior towards others unless we first show kindness to ourselves.

These keys allow us to change and grow creatively, change the way we think. It goes without saying that by saying “no” to someone, without asking anyone for permission and in all other ways, showing our own independence, we can lose old friends, but if friendship with them was based on our weaknesses, complexes, and not on strengths our personality, how good are they for us? But now, having new strength, we will make new friends who will be independent and strong people.

And if we find it necessary to hurt someone around us in order to give clarity and certainty to our own life, then in reality this means only one thing: we no longer want to silently endure if they hurt us, no longer want to let them put obstacles in our way. path to self-realization. Once we stop allowing other people to traumatize us, we have the opportunity to use our newfound power and help them or someone else, because we become caring towards others and are ready to show empathy to them.

In addition, it is then much easier for us to accept, without feeling offended or rejected, such situations when other people tell us “no”.

List of used literatures

1. V.V. Makarov. Lectures on psychology - 1999

2. Shchedrova G. "The goal of society is a person" 1995

3. Maksimov S.L. "Personality and Society" 1993.

4. Lukashevich Ch.P. "Psychology of education" 1996

5. Ian Stewart, Venn Joynes "Life Script" 1987

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What is the difference between life positions

The main secret of personal self-realization is an active life position. Courage, initiative - this is that small fraction that forms to the intended goal. Such people often become leaders in the team and among friends. Passive personalities only follow them, although they have their own point of view, but do not want to defend it.

Specific features of an active life position

Negative
People with a negative life position direct their energy towards negative actions. They cause a lot of trouble to those around them. Their life credo is to impose on society their opinion, specific goals that cause colossal harm, not benefit. Often such people are the leaders of bandit groups and formations.

Positive
High morality of a person, a positive lifestyle, unacceptability to evil.

Passive people lead an inactive lifestyle. They are indifferent to our reality. Pessimists never participate in solving difficult issues, the problems of society are bypassed. They never answer for their words, promising something, they often deceive. Human behavior reminds us of an ostrich with a hidden head. In their opinion, this is the most convenient way to protect yourself from unnecessary problems.

Passivity and negative life goals are practically identical concepts. From inaction and unwillingness to help in Hard time there are many different crimes and outbursts of injustice.

Types of passive life position

Submission;
Complete inertia;
destructive behavior;
Excitation.

A submissive person will follow the path “beaten” by someone until the end of his life. He strictly observes the rules, without thinking about their need and compliance.

The last category of pessimists is no less serious for society. All their troubles, failures, anger they splash out on outsiders, completely uninvolved in their problems, people. For example, a mother splashes out a sea of negativity on her children, having unsuccessfully married. Innocent beings pay for negligent parents. There are many such examples.

Life position begins to take shape with early childhood and continues to strengthen or weaken during the continuation of the life cycle. Look at yourself from the outside, evaluate your actions. Perhaps you are doing something wrong. If the results do not impress you, then try to change yourself. You still have time for this!

The basis of life position. life positions. I'm Not-OK, You're OK: Avoiding Interaction