Self-confidence is exactly the quality that many of us so often lack in life.
Especially women, who, according to psychological research, are more susceptible to the negative influence of criticism from outside and self-flagellation than men. How to become self-confident, raise self-esteem and love yourself, read in our today's article.

The fine line: what is confidence and self-confidence

Before proceeding to practical advice, you need to understand what it is - self-confidence. In psychology, the concept of confidence is considered from the standpoint of a personal quality and implies a positive assessment of a person's own skills and abilities. Confidence begins to form in childhood, when the baby first tries to compare his small achievements and the moral satisfaction received. If during this period the parents and the environment of the child support him, encourage and praise, then the baby grows self-confident. Accordingly, criticism, especially harsh and rude, and the lack of support lay the ground for future complexes and disbelief in oneself.
At the same time, unreasonable praise and excessive guardianship are also dangerous for the formation of a child's personality, as are excessive criticism and severity. Round-the-clock praises and praises for no reason cause an inadequate assessment of one's own efforts, which further leads to the formation of such qualities as self-confidence and pride. The main difference between confidence and self-confidence is the degree of adequacy in assessing one's strengths and achievements. A confident person has the ability to clearly assess his abilities and their application to the implementation of tasks. A self-confident person is incapable of this: he does not have self-criticism, does not see possible threats, and often takes risks without a direct need. It is often said about self-confident people that their ambitions go off scale and they put themselves on a pedestal. As a rule, behind self-confidence there are mistakes of education, and only then character traits.


So, self-confidence is the basis of adequate human behavior, the key to the success and effectiveness of his achievements. Self-confidence is closely related to another psychological concept - self-esteem, which refers to a person's idea of ​​his importance, his strengths and weaknesses. Overestimated self-esteem is accompanied by excessive self-confidence, and underestimated, respectively, is characterized by self-doubt. The ideal option is adequate self-esteem, when a person is confident in himself, and behind this confidence there are not empty ambitions, but quite proportionate ones. personal qualities and achievements.

The main reasons for self-doubt

The main, but far from the only reason for the lack of self-confidence we have already voiced above is the peculiarities of upbringing and unhealthy relationships in the family. But if the family factor were the only determining reason, then history would hardly have known so many positive examples of successful people from dysfunctional families who, as they say, "made themselves." These same examples are direct confirmation of the fact that many of the causes of uncertainty lie in ourselves. What is behind this abstract formulation?

Ignorance of your true self

First, ignorance of oneself and the lack of a clear self-identity. To make it clearer what is at stake, let's give a simple example. All of us in the process of life live several roles with which we identify ourselves. For a woman, such roles most often become: Daughter, Girl, Schoolgirl, Girl, Student, Beloved, Woman, Employee, Wife, Mother, Grandmother ... Depending on life circumstances and personal priorities, the sequence, number and composition of these roles may change. But the essence remains the same: we get used to identifying ourselves with each of our roles and simply do not know what is behind these masks. But if we discard all social conventions and imposed images, then only the “bare” I remains, the existence of which we so often forget. So, if a woman is used to identifying herself, for example, with her company and the role of director, then her self-confidence will come to an end as soon as she loses her business. The same scenario awaits the mother, who completely dissolves in her children and lives only in children's interests and needs. As soon as the children grow up, such a woman loses her sense of self-confidence and ceases to enjoy life.

Lack of proper meaning in life

Secondly, self-confidence largely depends on a clear knowledge of the meaning of one's life. Returning to the example of the mother, we can say that adult children deprive the mother of the main thing in her life - taking care of them. It is not surprising that having lived for many years with the confidence that children are the meaning of existence, a woman is lost and does not know what to do next. She is unsure that she is able to realize herself in a different direction and literally does not know how to live on. A clear knowledge of your goals, the presence of a certain life plan, combined with self-identification, help to avoid this mistake.

Inability to say "No"

And, thirdly, those who do not know how to build clear personal boundaries with others most often suffer from self-doubt. If you find it difficult to say "No" to someone you dislike, or you often let people you know take advantage of your kindness for free, then most likely you are too dependent on the opinions of others. It is this addiction that creates self-doubt. Women, due to the peculiarities of their psychology, are more confirmed to “merge” with others. bright volume for example, identifying oneself with a baby in the first years of his life. This fusion is a natural mechanism that ensures the survival of the child. In all other cases, the lack of clear personal boundaries leads to psychological deformation of the personality and its blurring. Therefore, there can be no talk of any self-confidence, of course.

How to Become a Confident Strong Woman: Practical Tips

Let’s get one important point out of the way right away: building confidence takes time and work on yourself. Before proceeding with the implementation of our recommendations, determine for yourself the time frame for achieving the desired result. They should be real, there should be no options “to become self-confident in a week”. It is also important to be clear about what exactly your concept of “confidence” will include. It is advisable to write a list of qualities that you think possesses the very strong and confident woman that you dream of becoming. The list and deadlines will help you not only get your bearings, but will set intermediate goals for you. As they say, the elephant must be eaten in pieces.
To make it easier for you to complete this task, we offer an approximate list of qualities that, according to psychologists, self-confident people possess. You can take it as a basis and add your points. So, a confident woman is different:
purposefulness
willpower
sociability
decisiveness
competence
positive attitude
clear personal boundaries
adequate self-esteem
stress resistance
understanding your needs
the ability to control your emotions
awareness of their weaknesses
high performance
desire for self-realization


After completing your list of qualities, analyze it and check the boxes next to the items that you currently meet. Unmarked qualities will become your intermediate goals, which you will master gradually.
As for the timing, on average it takes a person about a year to achieve tangible results in the "re-education" of himself. Therefore, it is important to be patient and gradually move towards your goal.

How to become confident and raise your self-esteem: the most effective exercises

So, having outlined an action plan, you need to move on to its implementation. Special psychological exercises aimed at working out your weaknesses will help in this.

Say "Stop!"

For example, if you suffer from blurred personal boundaries, then you need to work on protecting your own interests. Very effective in this regard is the exercise called “Stop”: every time one of your relatives, acquaintances or colleagues ask you for another service that oppresses your own interests, tell him a clear “No”. To begin with, you can practice in front of a mirror or with a partner, losing a similar situation with him. Learn to refuse firmly, but calmly, guided by common sense, not emotions. And at the same time, be sure that you are 100% right. similar special exercise can be found for every quality on your confidence list that you need to work on.

Imagine a successful woman

In addition, imitation of external success is very helpful in building self-confidence. We are talking about the embodiment of behavioral patterns inherent in successful and confident people. Define for yourself the standard of a strong, self-confident woman. It can be a celebrity, your friend, or just an image you made up. Take a closer look at the behavior of your ideal: note how she speaks, how she behaves in difficult situations, how she solves problems. External manifestations of confidence are also important, for example, gait, manner of dressing, facial expressions and gestures. After analyzing the received data, try to use some of them. For example, correct posture is very good for the formation of confidence. Learn to keep your back straight, do not stoop or slouch. Practice your confident gait in front of a mirror or with a book on your head.

love yourself

But most importantly, love yourself. A confident woman always respects and values ​​herself and her body. She has a share of healthy self-criticism, but this does not prevent her from loving herself and constantly improving herself. First, identify the "gaps" in your personality that are preventing you from loving yourself. If these are purely external factors, such as extra pounds or problematic skin, then make every effort to get rid of them once and for all. If the reasons are deeper, then contact, for example, a psychotherapist who will help you deal with mental “flaws”. Do not forget about your internal resources, such as willpower and motivation - be sure to use them for self-improvement.


Now you know how to raise your self-esteem and become self-confident. Start your path to confidence today and very soon you will notice the first positive results!

What does a woman need to be happy? To be loved, appreciated, respected? To make her successful in her career?

Was outwardly irresistible, like a Hollywood star? Or just become a good caring mother?

Everyone has their own understanding of happiness. But often a woman in order to take place in a particular area of ​​life, lacks self-confidence.

Someone has been deprived of this confidence since childhood, as they were brought up in disadvantaged conditions and did not receive love, affection and warmth, someone was offended at school, someone had an unhappy love, someone was fired from work, someone crashed in business, but someone has lost a loved one forever.

Each has its own reason, but each has its own future, which we build ourselves.

But how to live with low self-esteem, with self-doubt? Significant success in life is not exactly achieved.

How to become self-confident a woman? Psychologists advise the following.

How to gain self-confidence

• 1. Find the cause of uncertainty

First you need to find the cause of this uncertainty: complexes from childhood, unrequited love, unsuccessful career, etc.

We need to understand the reason why this happened. Change your attitude to this situation, since it is our thoughts that affect the perception of something and ourselves as a whole.

• 2. Start working on yourself

After all, they meet and evaluate by clothes. Maybe get a new haircut, change your wardrobe, go in for sports.

Favorite activity also improves mood and self-esteem. It can be cross stitching, drawing, landscaping, studying foreign language, dancing, yoga, etc.

You need to decide what you like the most, inspire, please.

If the work is quite satisfactory, then you need to set yourself the goal of reaching heights in this matter. If not, think about changing activities.

When work is a burden, a person cannot experience positive emotions, he is often irritated, and this adversely affects his self-esteem and the quality of life in general.

Often it is the opposite sex that gives self-confidence. A man gives confidence to a woman that she is beautiful and desirable.

If she does not receive this confidence, then she begins to doubt herself, to fade away.

Or maybe it's just the wrong man?

Many women are afraid to admit it, especially when they are no longer so young or have children associated with this person.

But there is nothing terrible in this, it is much more terrible to live an inferior and inharmonious life with such a person.

Only by reviewing and changing your life, you can find the much-needed modern world self confidence.

How not to lose confidence

Here are some tips:

• Development

You need to constantly develop, not stand still. A person who develops will never be filled with negative thoughts, he will respect and appreciate himself.

If there is no purpose, then why live? Where do you get energy from if you go to "nowhere", just exist?

By setting a goal and achieving it, a person lives, gaining confidence in himself and in tomorrow knowing that he is capable of something, that everything is in his hands, in his thinking.

A woman, reaching her goal, really begins to feel more confident.

She is not afraid to be strong, she is not afraid to take risks, setting new goals for herself and achieving them.

She is not afraid to be alone, does not "spray" on dubious relationships, she knows what she wants.

• Self love

If a woman does not love herself, then it is unlikely that anyone will be loved.

In modern life, women are very picky about themselves. A woman must learn to adequately evaluate herself, accept her strengths and weaknesses.

There are no ideal people.

You can try to change your appearance where necessary, but not lead to fanaticism. It is enough to be simply well-groomed and dressed with taste.

Many, in pursuit of a beautiful wrapper, forget that there is also an internal component. You also need to love your "inner self", accept your character, your habits, interests.

Try to change something, if not satisfied, work on yourself.

By listening to these tips, you can gain and maintain self-confidence, which is so necessary for a high-quality and rich modern life.

And we must remember that we build our own happiness, we choose our own path.

To live fully or "as you have to" a person decides for himself.

No need to stand still and give up. Everything depends on ourselves.

The main thing is to take the first step - to look at your life from a different angle and start changing yourself and your thoughts.

Surely each of you from afar will be able to recognize a self-confident woman. It is distinguished not only by its appearance, but also by the inner core, which is almost impossible to break. And many envy them and dream of becoming just as attractive and gaining confidence.

It is possible to become successful and catch admiring glances on yourself. And doubts refer to insecurity and unwillingness to work on yourself and your fears. Behind every uncertainty there is some kind of fear; getting rid of it in simple ways, you can start life from scratch.

However, it's not just fear. There are many more tips that will help you smoothly transition to a streak of luck and believe in your own strength.

Ways to help you gain confidence

All methods fall into two categories: external and internal. When you start changing one of them, you will automatically start changing the other. That is, if you prefer to change from the inside, you will soon notice how your appearance has also changed, and vice versa.

External ways to inspire confidence include:

• Posture. Try to sit with a straight back for a while and not slouch. At first, it won't be as easy as it seems. But if you cope with the task, then literally in ten minutes you will feel inner confidence. Thoughts will become clearer and more conscious, and in a conversation with an interlocutor it will become easy for you to express your opinion.
• Walking also gives confidence. Keep a close eye on the actresses on the red carpet, each moving with ease and not in a hurry. From a leisurely walk, your inner state also changes, everything finds harmony, and you see the world in a new light.
• Appearance plays an important role for a confident lady. If you put on chic shoes, and under the dress you will be wearing expensive, high-quality underwear, then your movements will become more elegant and graceful, and your eyes will acquire a mysterious shine that attracts the opposite sex.
• An open look and gestures are of great importance: postures and facial expressions attract the interlocutor. Remember not to hide your eyes and cross your arms, this behavior can turn you off even if you look great.
• The new environment will help you make interesting acquaintances and the right connections. If you want to be successful, surround yourself with the same successful people that you are referring to. Your subconscious will tune in to their wave and automatically begin to attract good luck.

Internal methods include the following:

• Praise. Find something to praise yourself for, even for the smallest detail. This will raise self-esteem and accordingly manifest itself on the external level;
• affirmations that you will repeat every morning will also make your subconscious mind work in a new way. Choose the right statements for yourself or come up with them yourself, and they will inspire confidence in you and inspire you to win.
• Meditation is a great way to de-stress and understand what is holding you back from your success. Regularly repeating such practices, you will be filled with love for yourself and begin to broadcast it to the world. And as you know, like attracts like. Try to work on your heart chakra for a week and see how everything you dream about will come into your life by itself.
• Remember all your successes and identify strengths. This will help you focus on winning, and every time it will remind you that you have already achieved your goals and this time you will succeed too. Constantly scrolling through your achievements in your head, you become more successful and self-confident.

This is the most basic list of things you can start doing today. Choose for yourself those that suit you best, combine several methods until you find your own secret of success and confidence. Think positively, apply

Uncertainty and constraint do not allow you to live a full and vibrant life, and therefore you want more than anything in the world to get rid of this annoying lack. Do you want to know how to become a confident woman and conquer this world?

For example, to get rid of complexes and tightness forever, the fear of doing something wrong, revealing in oneself best qualities? To be self-confident, not tormented by doubts?

Feel free in any situation, become the soul of the company and the favorite of your surroundings?

Become self-confident at work and do things that you never dreamed of before because of fear?

To behave calmly, naturally and femininely in the company of men, to become interesting and attractive for them? Find the exact way to become a confident woman and enjoy the attention of the stronger sex?

So this article is for you!

It is not easy to be self-confident when you cannot cope with internal tension. You feel the potential, intelligence, talents, femininity and, perhaps, a good sense of humor in yourself, but you absolutely cannot use all this - at the most inopportune moments, your mind and body become treacherously numb, and you cannot squeeze anything reasonable out of yourself. “Uh-uh… Well…” you mutter, blushing and smiling stupidly, at the most crucial moment at work or during an exam, or during a feast, when you need to say a toast. Instead of thoughts, there is tension, panic and a frightening emptiness in my head.

How to become more self-confident, even if your own body refuses to obey? When you dance, you can't relax at all. The body is stiff and tense, the movements are ridiculous, you are tormented by the unpleasant feeling that everyone is looking at you. Conscious attitudes do not help to relax - after all, the real answer to the question of how to become a confident woman is hidden in our psyche.

What about men? The more you like him, the more you worry about meeting him, the further you stay away from him. To not be embarrassed. You know yourself! But you should not despair - effective method how to become more self-confident, there is - the main thing is to understand the reasons for what is happening.

Why is this happening to you?

Looking through articles on how to become a confident girl, you have probably already read such tips: they say, the perfect appearance will help, and you also need to copy the gestures, posture, demeanor of women who are confident. But that doesn't help, does it?

Even if someone could follow these tips for a long time, it will never help a person to become confident, because he does not work with the cause of this problem - fear and resulting stupor. Any interference in how to be self-confident is fraught with psychology.

The reason is revealed by the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan, according to which the psyche of any person consists of sets of innate desires and mental properties - vectors. Their combinations and states define certain ways of thinking and behavior scenarios. Through awareness of one's own psychology, the question of how to be self-confident becomes resolved.

No one becomes someone else by copying the demeanor, hairstyle and style. It always looks forced and forced. But everyone can become an ideal self, getting rid of bad states with the help of systemic psychoanalysis.

Self-doubt and the ability to fall into a stupor with any excitement indicates that you have two vectors - visual and anal.

To the question of how to become self-confident, Yuri Burlan's training has already given answers to thousands of people. Yes, you yourself can see this by listening to free online lectures on systems-vector psychology Yuri Burlan. From the very first lectures, any of your questions on how to learn to be self-confident will find exact answers.

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»

Of course, we know that water does not flow under a lying stone; in order to get or change something, something needs to be done. In this article, I just want to suggest that you do something that will help you overcome low self-esteem and begin to form a sense of self-confidence, a positive self-perception.

You need to understand that these steps are not a one-time pill, but a process of working on yourself, which will take time and organize your efforts to significantly improve your life. This new way of thinking will change your better side communication with close people, colleagues, will facilitate the perception of events, will allow you to stop mentally "getting stuck" in difficult situations and evaluate yourself more favorably.

Fifteen Steps to Self-Confidence

1. Break the habit of talking badly about yourself and scolding yourself.

Don't ascribe to yourself negative traits: "fool", "stupid", "bad", "unlucky", "incapable", "nasty", etc. To do this, you can make a list of all the abusive words that you say to yourself in order to know “the enemy in the face” :-). And every time such a word or thought wants to come true, you will remember that you no longer scold yourself.

2. Feelings of guilt and shame are bad companions in life.

They significantly impair the quality of our lives, hinder our progress, steal our time and energy. Tell them "stop", save it for later. If this is still difficult to do, try to allocate a specific time of the day for "suffering", for example, 30-60 minutes from 18.00 to 18.30. Or as much as it is not a pity to kill time for it.

3. Identify honestly your strengths and weaknesses.

In this step, it will be good to analyze all your achievements, starting from childhood, and determine those qualities that made these achievements possible. Make a list of these qualities and reflect on how they can help you solve your current problems at the present time.

4. Now you can formulate the real goals of your life.

Those. real, and not invented or imposed on you by someone, then what you want is exactly what you want. Despite the fact that it may not seem too grandiose from the position of significant others. Formulate a minimum and maximum program. To do this, think and write what is valuable to you in life, what you believe in, how you would like to live.

Our values ​​are the main motivators of our achievements and goals. They “indicate” what is really important for us, what we are ready to invest in, in which direction to move. Assess where your goals are and determine how you can tell when progress is being made.

5. Stop blaming yourself for everything.

Do not look for the causes of events in your shortcomings. Believe me, you are not so omnipotent and neither are your shortcomings! :-) Please note that there are physical, social, economic, political and natural aspects of situations that affect you and your life. Remember this every time you "pull" to take responsibility, for example, for someone's behavior or ... for the tsunami in Thailand :-).

6. Reflect on the fact that any event can be evaluated from a different point of view!

Objective reality is not at all what each of us individually sees and interprets. What we used to call reality is just the result of an agreement between people. An agreement to call things by certain names. A view from such a position will allow you to be more tolerant and philosophical towards people, to be more generous to yourself. Do not hang labels: "this is unfair", "humiliating", "men / women do not behave like that", etc. because of which we like to worry, get angry and torment ourselves.

7. Don't let others criticize you by getting personal.

You have the right to give feedback person, explaining that you do not want to keep the conversation in this format. You will not discuss your personal qualities in a negative context. While your actions may be subject to evaluation. Especially when it's constructive criticism, as it can be used for your own good.

8. Analyze your past, figure out what led you to the current state of affairs.

Often, as adults, we blame our parents, teachers, or someone else for our failures. We hold on to our past, do not let go of it, although the past is no more.

Of course, when we were small and defenseless, many people could offend us and offended us. Of course, parents and others significant people, often have too strong an effect on the child, suppressing his naturalness and forming a negative attitude towards himself. Dealing with the consequences of these influences is not so easy.

In these cases, there is a reason to turn to a psychologist. But I am writing a self-help technique, so I propose to look at the negative moments of our past from a different angle. Now, when we are adults, we can not look back at our parents and take responsibility for our lives in our own hands.

Now that you are an adult, you can make choices about how to live and what to do. Decide what your adult life will be like. Because now you are strong and big. You can hit back the offender, physically or psychologically. You are no longer the little child who is so dependent on all-powerful parents.

You have a lot of available resources: information (Internet, books, press, trainings, seminars, etc.), physical (autonomy and independence in movement and self-care), human (the ability to get help from any specialists, other people), financial (an adult can earn), temporary (the ability to independently plan your time). And I want you to think about it carefully. And you made your choice of an adult, today you have this opportunity.

9. Pay attention to the fact that some defeats are good luck.

Thanks to other defeats, you can draw conclusions about false goals, reconsider the concept, determine whether you are spending your energy in the right direction. And so to avoid larger disappointments and troubles.

10. Do not put up with circumstances, activities and people that make you feel inferior.

If, despite efforts to change yourself or them enough to feel confident, you do not succeed, it is better to look for other places and roads. Life is too short to waste it on gloom!

11. Start practicing your communication.

Communication is the ability to exchange energy, emotions and information with completely different people dissimilar to each other. Imagine that these and other people, just like you, may experience fear and insecurity, try to help them. Decide what you can give people and what you want to receive from them. Let others know that you are open to such an exchange: smile, compliment, praise, talk.

12. Allow yourself to relax.

Learn to listen to yourself, to your desires, feelings, sensations. Set aside regular time for yourself to be alone with yourself in order to gather your thoughts, hear yourself, and understand yourself better. Take care of yourself in small steps: Every morning, ask yourself what you want today. It can be the smallest thing, for example, take a walk, make yourself a beautiful tasty sandwich, do gymnastics or buy some small change.

13. Try not to constantly use strategies to avoid failure, guarding your "I".

Try to challenge and accept the challenge of growing up and moving forward. Staying idle and isolated is not the best choice.

Learn to give feedback to people, say what you like and what you don't, but do it calmly, specifically and on time. Use "I-statements", without accusations and claims to the other. Do not accumulate resentment, because often their reasons lie in our expectations about the behavior of other people, which are not justified.

Think about how realistic your expectations are. Stop fantasizing that others should guess everything themselves, understand and feel everything. The shortest way to get what you want to ask for it. But what about the fear that they will refuse? :-) Remember how many times you were refused? It’s just that we carefully “collect” refusals in a special basket and do not remember all the other times when we received what we needed. Many simply do not ask, so as not to be refused. When you have bounce statistics, then argue with me!

14. Think about your goals and choose for yourself several serious distant goals, on the way to which it is necessary to achieve smaller and intermediate goals.

Outline what means, resources you need in order to take these steps and come to these results. Estimate where you can get these resources, get, ask, etc., what needs to be done for this. "Spread your nets" more widely, seek different variants. Praise yourself for every step you take, because it leads you to the goal. You have done the work and you can be proud of yourself, even if this is just the beginning of the journey.

15. Imagine yourself as a person who, having matured, already has a lot of experience.

You have gone through and been able to overcome a huge number of difficulties. You grew up and learned to walk, although it was very difficult. You resisted and persevered in difficult situations, defended yourself, fought, achieved. Graduated from school, overcoming the endless whirlpool of difficult events, conflicting requirements, psychological pressure and stress.

You accepted and challenged, relying on your strengths and capabilities, all the while moving forward. Think about the fact that you are not at all a helpless and weak creature, but active person who managed to survive and win. And these are not grandiloquent words, because starting from the very beginning of the birth of your life, supported by the powerful forces of nature, you developed and were born, despite the numerous dangers that lie in wait, which means you won!

Starting to do something new, it is difficult to cover everything at once, so I suggest that you move forward progressively, but surely, mastering slowly, step by step, each point. Give yourself plenty of time, be calm and patient. You can select the points you want to start from, there is no need to move to chronological order. Taking one or more steps will bring about positive change, sooner than you think. Take action by praising yourself for your smallest successes.