Life position examples for characterization. Life position. proactive life position

Why are some people rich and successful, while others are poor and unhappy? We often ask ourselves this question. Like, he was lucky, he found his path, or the heir to rich parents, or a thief, whatever the pessimist will say. But at the same time he does nothing to get even a small step closer to their success. We will talk about this and much more in the article.

What is the secret of happiness?

Life position is what affects our subconscious, thoughts, actions, perception of the world. The environment, the model of behavior, the field of activity, sincerity will depend on it. From the first minute of communication with a person, it is clear what kind of life position and whether there is at all.

In other words, this is the attitude of the individual to the world around him, which is reflected in his thoughts and actions. There are two main types:

  1. Passive life position.
  2. And active.

The first, it is also called conformist, is aimed at subordinating to external circumstances and the surrounding world. Such people, as a rule, are inert, do not show any interest in life. They do not improve themselves, do not make decisions in a difficult situation, it is easier for them to bypass the problem. They don't keep their word, they lie.

The second contributes to the transformation of influencing factors on the individual and situations in his favor. Let's talk about it in more detail.


Features of an active life position

May be:

  • Negative.
  • And positive.

In the first case, people direct negative energy to accomplish bad deeds. They deliberately cause harm to others, imposing their opinions and goals on everyone, bringing harm, not benefit.

A positive life position is characterized by high morality and spirituality of a person. The individual leads a positive way of life, rejects evil. An active life position is a guideline that directs a person in the right direction so that he works for the benefit of society, strives to benefit people along the way.

Truly happy is the person who gives more than he receives. It is important to understand that in life nothing is given just like that, you need to work hard. And for this you need to choose the right life path, think positively, do not waste time on unloved work, develop.


When and how is it formed?

The foundation of life position is laid in early childhood. And as the child grows older, its walls either strengthen or weaken. The construction of this frame will depend on the parents and the close environment in which the individual grew up. Namely: from heredity, upbringing, family traditions and other things.

But this does not mean that if a bad life experience was received, the person will not have any or a passive life position, not at all, it can be consciously changed, like character. So, let's understand: the formation of a life position begins from birth. Look at yourself from the outside, if you are not satisfied with life, rethink it, perhaps you are doing something wrong. Try to change yourself.

Let's talk about morality

The moral life positions of a person characterize his inner spiritual baggage and are based on the values ​​that guide him in life. Morally, the individual develops in the process of life in society, is expressed in the ability to consciously build relationships with people, with oneself, society, and the state.

The formation of moral life positions, of course, will depend on many factors, such as the environment, personality, habits, upbringing, family traditions. For their formation, you need to develop several qualities:

  • You need to learn to live in harmony with yourself.
  • Build relationships with adults and peers.

The moral positions of a person form a model of behavior that leads to the achievement of success and well-being.


How to determine the best position in life?

You need to analyze your life. Start with habits, review values ​​and priorities. Change your thinking. Here are examples of life positions:

  • Helping people. Helping, a person benefits not only others, but also himself, because he will definitely be thanked with a kind word, rewarded with a blessing. And this is the highest award.
  • Self improvement. Also, one of the best positions in life will bring stunning success, lead to the achievement of the goal, and the result of work will be appreciated by others. Do not be idle, read books, articles, attend trainings, development courses, go in for sports, go to the theater and exhibitions. It is necessary to constantly develop.
  • Family and kids. If you have chosen this life position for yourself, then you are wise and smart. After all, this is our main reassignment in life. Work hard, surround children with love and care, help them fulfill themselves, make family members happy. This is the highest achievement.

Only you can determine your best position in life. The main thing is never to give up, to move forward, not to lose heart. Understand that worries, depressions, fears and Bad mood will not improve the situation, but only exacerbate it. Spread your wings, take off, dream and strive to achieve your goal.


How to do it?

So, let's figure out where to start in order to develop an active life position:

  1. As mentioned above, learn to set goals. Do not set impossible tasks, the goal should be specific, realistically achievable and in a short time. It is better to take small steps towards a big dream.
  2. You need to get rid of bad habits. This is not only smoking and alcohol, this can include aimless pastime. Don't sit for hours computer games, in in social networks and so on. Spend your weekends usefully, visit museums and exhibitions.
  3. Read more useful information.
  4. Learn time management. Technology will help you organize your time properly and increase the efficiency of its use.
  5. Don't shut yourself off from the outside world. Get to know it, open up to something new. Change your image, travel. Show interest in unknown species arts, for example.
  6. Don't be afraid to take risks. Never hesitate to implement ideas. Don't stop halfway.
  7. Leave negative memories behind, learn from the experience and do not look back.
  8. Surround yourself only with positive people, adopt their knowledge.

To change your life for the better, you need to act. You say, they say, it's easy to talk. But then again, sitting back, arguing over unnecessary things, simply doing nothing is absenteeism, nothing will happen. Start small, learn to think positively, and slowly overcoming small obstacles, you will move towards your goal, dream.

Students, graduate students, young scientists who use the knowledge base in their studies and work will be very grateful to you.

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Introduction

Every person is born of two parents. It is the result of millions of coincidences, patterns and accidents. It is complex and contradictory. And yet there is one basic characteristic that he needs as the foundation of every home. It is called the basic life attitude, fixed life position or basic life position. This is a set of basic, basic ideas about oneself, significant others, the world around, which provide the basis for the main decisions and human behavior. Human,livinginsociety,interactingWithothersindividualstakescertainvitalposition.

Life position - the attitude of a person to the world around him, expressed in his thoughts and actions.

Formationvitalpositionspersonalities is a complex and difficult process. It requires a lot of stress and expenditure of physical, moral, psychological and mental efforts. This process is significantly influenced by micro- and macro-environments, the level of development of productive forces and production relations, the socio-political system, the political regime, the level of culture, etc. This process is accompanied by the assimilation of the seemingly accumulated humanity, achievements in the field of material and spiritual culture, scientific and professional knowledge, worldview, beliefs and skills, labor and socio-political activities, etc. An active life position of a person becomes possible under the condition of a critically creative mastery of all the wealth of mankind, the formation of a readiness to actively act in society.

The choice of a fixed life position is carried out by the family, the immediate environment and the person himself. This happens from the first moments of life and ends by the age of seven. That is, at such a young age, when it is still impossible to count on full awareness of the seriousness of the decision taken, clarity and depth of thinking.

As soon as the main life position has been determined, all actions, all human behavior is aimed at confirming and consolidating it. However, in order to be precise, it is important to say that the basic life position of each person develops even before birth. And every child before his birth believes that he is well-off and other people are well-being. I am good, you are good. You are basically the mother and those around her.

The child begins to walk. He is very awkward, falls, breaks dishes, spoils things. He is clumsy and ridiculed. He is often punished. Then the nursery Kindergarten, school. And everywhere the position I am not prosperous - You are prosperous is brought up, imposed, hammered. However, this is the most adaptive position for a Soviet person - a modest worker, humbly waiting for a reward.

A person with a negative image of his own Self is burdened by the events taking place and takes the blame for them. He is not confident enough in himself, does not claim success and results. He underestimates his work. Refuses to take initiative and responsibility. Stressed and often sick. Moreover, diseases develop slowly, proceed sluggishly, the recovery period is delayed for a long time.

He often experiences depression, suffers from neuroses, character disorders, is prone to self-destructive behavior: smoking, alcohol abuse, drugs. It is characterized by vegetovascular and psychosomatic disorders, reduced immunity. Typical gastritis, ulcers, diseases of the small and large intestines, biliary dyskinesia and renal colic. For women, disorders of the ovarian - menstrual cycle are characteristic, for men - prostatitis. They have reduced sexual desire and potency. Hypothyroidism, hypotension, dynamic disorders of cerebral circulation are typical, ischemic strokes are possible.

Such people are slovenly in their way of life, in their clothes. They choose for themselves a banal or losing scenario - an unconscious plan of life. Quite often they can be found at a doctor's appointment, among patients of somatic, psychiatric or narcological hospitals. It is important to note that most of the members of our society carry with them a fixed emotional attitude throughout their lives: I am not well - you are well. We meet them constantly and everywhere. They live hard and sad. They have an impact on others, and it is not easy for us along with them. And yet it is not the most minor setting. There is one more: I am not well - you are not well. I am not well - you are not well. Such a person is not energetic enough; he is rather apathetic, prone to depression, passive hostility towards himself and others. Unable to be persistent. He is constantly haunted by failure, and he got used to it. He does not have a creative approach to work and life in general. From his point of view, he does not deserve positive and praise. Moreover, he does not perceive or hear them. He is gloomy, ironic, difficult to communicate. His passivity eventually forms a negative attitude towards him of those around him. With his untidy, scandalous clothes, appearance, smell emanating from clothes and body, he constantly declares: Everything is wrong with me - Everything is wrong with you. This is an attitude of hopeless despair, when life is useless and full of disappointments. Man is powerless and others cannot help him. It remains to sink to the bottom and wait for death.

The installation of trouble develops in a child deprived of attention, abandoned, when others are indifferent and not interested in him. Or when a person has suffered a great loss and does not have the resources for his own recovery, when everyone around him has turned away from the person and he is deprived of support.

Such people; suffer from many different diseases. This is depression to apathy. Various colds, infectious and somatic diseases caused by reduced immunity. They have a sharply suppressed sexual desire, reduced potency. Women have limited opportunities to become pregnant and give birth. For them, all health disorders caused by self-destructive behavior are typical - excessive smoking, abuse of alcohol and its surrogates, narcotic and toxic substances. Characterized by injuries to the body, as well as the skull and brain and their consequences.

Diseases and health disorders in them proceed for a long time. For the most part, such people slowly break down. The diseases themselves flow sluggishly, accompanied by complications. The recovery period is getting longer. There are often associated comorbidities. The drugs used to treat them give me side effects and complications. Only a part of people with the installation I am not well - you are not well live in society. Many of them spend their lives waiting for the end in narcological, psychiatric and somatic hospitals, homes for the chronically ill, in places of detention. Many today are simply thrown out of life and complete their lives a little on the street, joining the ranks of the homeless. The next setting is not so pessimistic. And yet, its carriers deliver a lot of worries and inconvenience to others. It is formulated as follows: I am well - you are not well.

vital personality conformist depressive

1. correctvitalpositionpersonalities

Each of us has our own vitalposition. It determines our ability to deal with difficulties, hardships, our strength and faith depend on it. These are the basic principles and beliefs of a person about the world, society, about himself, expressed in thoughts, words, deeds. And this, sometimes, greatly distinguishes people from each other.

Consider main types vital positions:

1. conformist(passive) where there is subordination to society, the world around and a person lives by coincidence. In turn, here we distinguish the following subspecies:

b) group-conformist, where all members of this group strictly abide by the rules and regulations adopted here

c) Social conformist, where each individual is strictly subject to all the norms of society, which is usually accepted in a totalitarian state

1. Activevitalposition aimed at changing the surrounding reality, the transformation of norms, rules, lifestyle. Here are the following points:

a) Independent state of the individual in relation to other people, but subordination to the main main leader

b) Compliance and acceptance of social norms and rules, but the desire for leadership in the team

c) Ignoring moral and moral norms, an active desire to take one's life position outside of society: a gang, a criminal community, in other asocial groups

d) Rejection of the norms of society, constant independent desire to change the surrounding reality, often with the help of other people: revolutionaries, opposition .. This is the state of a happy productive individual.

2. Activevitalpositionpersonalities

Activevitalpositionhuman- nothing more than an indifferent attitude to the world around, which is manifested in the actions and thoughts of the individual himself. The first thing that many pay attention to when communicating with a stranger is his position in life. It is she who distinguishes us from each other psychologically. This position in life allows or does not allow each person to overcome difficulties. Sometimes it is the cause of our success or failure. Moreover, in many ways it is the life position that determines the fate of a person. Life position has a manifestation in all spheres of life, influencing moral and spiritual positions, socio-political and labor activity. An active position is characterized by a quick reaction of a certain person to life situations and a widespread readiness for specific actions.

To vital positions in in general relate:

· political preferences;

a person's worldview

· its principles, etc.

3. Formationactivevitalpositions

It has been formed since human birth. The foundation of its appearance is communication with others, their influence on the personal development of each of us.

It is initiative that holds the true secret of developing an active life position. But its growth, like everything else in the universe, needs a kind of "battery" that will give energy for this improvement. Your battery? it is desire. After all, only they are able to force them to fight with difficulties, helping to achieve the desired goals.

All of us have ever come across people whose life was dominated by an active position. They internally stand out from those around them. In companies, they are often leaders. Such individuals are able to lead society, because their point of view and inner potential cause a desire to follow them.

4. Typesactivevitalpositionspersonalities

Position "positive" committed to the observance of moral standards and the victory of good over evil.

Position "negative" . You shouldn't think that active people- these are necessarily those who act only “good”, on the contrary, one must understand that their actions can also be harmful to society and themselves. All kinds of gangs and bandit groups created by active individuals with certain, pronounced beliefs and specific goals, harm society.

Our life is not something static and unchanging. It changes with the passage of time, the development of new technologies and the influence of people on our inner world. It is only important to be interested in improving the surrounding world.

For people of the first type, the main thing is not only to get hung up on their own and only their experiences, but also on global issues all over the world. True, not everyone will be able to elevate their personal qualities for the benefit of society, and set the principles, beliefs, worldview to achieve success. But what will be the position in life depends only on the person himself.

Berne suggested that in the earliest stages of script formation, the young child "...already has certain beliefs about himself and about the people around him... These beliefs, which he seems to carry through the rest of his life, can be summarized as follows: 1) I'm OK or I'm not-OK; You're OK or You're not-OK.

These four points of view are called vital positions. Some authors call them fundamental positions, existential positions or just positions. They reflect a person's fundamental attitudes about the essential value that he sees in himself and other people. This is something more than just an opinion about one's or someone else's behavior.

Having adopted one of these positions, the child, as a rule, begins to adjust his entire script to it. Berne wrote: "At the heart of every game, every scenario, and every human destiny is one of these four fundamental positions."

The child who adopted the position "I'm OK, you're OK" is more likely to build a winning scenario. He finds that he is loved and glad for his existence. He decides that his parents can be loved and trusted, and subsequently extends this view to people in general.

If an infant takes the "I'm not-OK, you're OK" position, he is more likely to write a banal or losing script. In accordance with this fundamental position, he will play out in the script his role as a victim and his losses to other people.

The "I'm OK, you're not OK" attitude can set the stage for a seemingly winning scenario. But such a child is convinced that he needs to rise above others, and keep them in a humiliated position. For a while he may succeed, but only at the cost of continuous struggle. Over time, the people around him will get tired of their humiliated position and turn away from him. Then he will turn from a supposedly "winner" into a loser himself.

The attitude "I'm not OK, you're not OK" is the most likely basis for a losing scenario. Such a child has come to believe that life is empty and hopeless. He feels humiliated and unloved. He believes that no one is able to help him, since the rest are also not-OK. So his script will revolve around scenes of rejection by others and his own rejection.

5. Originvitalpositions

Berne believed that "... the position is taken in early childhood (from three to seven years) in order to justify a decision based on earlier experience." In other words, according to Berne, early decisions come first, and then the child takes a position in life, thereby creating a picture of the world that justifies earlier decisions.

For example, a baby who has not yet learned to speak may make the following decision: "I will never risk loving anyone again, because Mom has shown that she does not love me." He later justifies this decision with the belief "no one will love me", which translates to "I'm not OK". If a little girl is spanked by her father, she may decide, "I will never trust a man again because Dad treats me badly." Subsequently, she extends this decision to all other men in the form of the belief "men cannot be trusted", that is, "you (they) are not OK."

From the point of view of Claude Steiner, life positions are taken much earlier. He traces their origins to the first months of feeding a child. According to Steiner, the position "I'm OK, you're OK" reflects the comfortable atmosphere of interdependence between the child and the breastfeeding mother. He equates it with the position of "fundamental trust" described by child development specialist Eric Erickson. This is such a "... state of affairs when the baby feels that he is in unity with the world, and everything is in unity with him."

Steiner believes that all children start with an "I'm OK, you're OK" attitude. The child changes position only when something disturbs the harmony of his interdependence with his mother. For example, when a child feels that the mother ceases to protect him and accept him as unconditionally as she did in the first days. Some babies may perceive birth itself as a threat to primordial harmony. In response to any kind of discomfort in his life, the child may decide that he is not-OK, or that others are not-OK. He goes from Erickson's state of "fundamental trust" to a state of "fundamental mistrust." And then, based on this fundamental idea of ​​himself and other people, the child begins to write the script of his life.

Thus, Steiner agrees with Berne that attitude "justifies" script decisions. However, according to Steiner, a life position is taken first, and after that, scenario decisions.

So, attitude can be defined as totality fundamental beliefs about yourself and others people which human uses for excuses their decisions and his behavior.

6. Life position in adults

Each of us enters adulthood with a script for later life, based on one of the four life positions. However, we do not stay in the chosen position all the time. We are constantly moving from one position to another.

Franklin Ernst developed a method for analyzing such transitions. He called him OK-Plot(Fig. 1)

Instead of the term "OK" Ernst uses the expression "OK for me". This is done to emphasize that "okay" is due to my beliefs: my beliefs about yourself and my beliefs about you.

Rice. 1. OK-Plot

The top pole of the vertical axis of the Site corresponds to "You are OK", the bottom - "You are not OK". On the horizontal axis on the right we have "I'm OK", on the left we have "I'm not-OK". Each of the four squares corresponds to some vital position.

For brevity, "OK" in the literature on TA is often denoted by the sign "+", and "non-OK" - by the sign "-". The word "you" is sometimes also abbreviated to the letter "T".

On fig. 1 shows one of the variants of the Site, where each of the four positions has its own name. Ernst's original diagram did not include these names, but they are often used by other authors.

Franklin Ernst points out that each of the children's positions is represented in adult life in the form of a certain social interaction. He calls the last " operation". The names of these operations are given on the scheme of the Site. When we perform any of these operations unconsciously, in the state of the Child, we do this, as a rule, in order to provide a scenario "justification" for the corresponding life position. However, we have another possibility - we we can move into the Adult state and carry out any of these operations consciously, through which social interaction can lead to the desired results for us.

I'm OK, you're OK: engagement

I just got to work. On the threshold, the boss meets me with a pile of papers. "Here's the report we've been waiting for," he says. "I've marked some points for you. Could you review them and report back?" "Very well," I reply, "it will be done."

By agreeing to fulfill the request of the boss, I decided for myself that I was competent enough to perform this task and I liked it. I find that the boss stated his request politely and reasonably. Thus, I take the position "I'm OK, you're OK". At the level of social interaction, my boss and I turned on to the common cause.

Every time I interact with people in this position, I reinforce my belief that I and others are OK.

I'm Not-OK, You're OK: Avoiding Interaction

I sit down at my desk and turn to the first page of the report. Out of the corner of my eye, I see someone walking towards me. This is one of my colleagues. He looks worried. Since I am already familiar with this expression on his face, it is not difficult for me to guess why he complained. He is going to endlessly complain about his work, ask me for advice and not listen to him. When he comes to my desk and opens his mouth, I can choose between two options: follow the script or respond to him from the Adult state.

scenario operation: Let's say I enter the script and take the position "I'm not-OK, you're OK." I say to myself: "I'm not able to help him. I can't do it. But what is he, he will just talk and that's it. We need to get out of here!" I tighten my abs and sweat. Not listening to what my colleague is talking about, I mumble, "I'm sorry, Jim, I need to jump out to the bathroom!" - and head for the door. As I leave the room, I let go of my tension with a sigh of relief. I gone from Jim according to the script. In doing so, I reinforced my Child's belief that I am not OK and others are OK.

adult operation: If I decide to stay in Adult, I say to myself: “At the moment I don’t want to listen to Jim. He has problems, but it’s not for me to solve them. However, if he talks, you can’t stop him. I think it’s best to go beyond his reach." As soon as Jim opens his mouth and begins to utter his first complaint, I say: "Yes, Jim, things are bad. But I'm busy right now. I was just about to go to the library, check some data on this report. I hope you do well" . I collect my papers and leave. With the help of the Adult, I consciously chose the operation care.

I'm OK, You're Not OK: Getting Rid of Interaction

Ten minutes later, with a cup of coffee, I return to the office and delve into the report. The door opens again. This time it's my assistant. He looks dejected. "I'm afraid I have bad news," he says. "Remember, you ordered me to print materials? I got busy and forgot to turn them in on time. And now the printer is busy. What should I do?"

scenario operation: I can answer him from the position "I'm OK, you're not OK." Blushing, I say in a sharp voice: "What do you do? Correct the situation, that's what you do! I don’t want to hear anything else until the material is on the table, understand?” At the same time, my pulse rises and I literally boil with indignation. When the assistant disappears, I say to myself: “You can’t rely on anyone in our time, everything have to do!" I got rid of from the assistant, creating a scripted "justification" for my belief that I am OK and others are not.

adult operation: I answer the assistant; "Well, your job is to fix things. I've got urgent work to do right now. So look for an opportunity to print materials somewhere else as soon as possible. I'll see you at four, report back on the results." I bend over the report again, signaling that the conversation is over. I got rid of from an assistant, so now I can do my own thing, and we both remain OK.

I am not-OK, you are not-OK: non-engagement in interaction

The phone rings. The wife calls from home: "Something terrible has happened! The pipe burst, and while I managed to turn off the water, the entire carpet was flooded!"

scenario operation: In this case, I can take the position "I'm not OK, you're not OK." I say to myself: "I've had enough. This is beyond my strength. And you can't rely on your wife. It's all useless." I groan into the phone: "Listen, this is already beyond my strength. It's already been a day, it's too much." Without waiting for an answer, I hang up. I feel exhausted and depressed. Deep down, I solidified my belief that I and everyone else is not OK.

adult operation: Deciding to stay in the Adult state, I say, "Listen, it's over now. Wait until I get back. Then we'll see what we can do." I chose surgery non-involvement.

7. OK-site, personal changes

Although we are constantly moving around the squares of the Lot, each of us has a "favorite" square in which we, acting according to the scenario, spend most of the time. It corresponds to the basic life position we took in childhood.

"I'm OK, you're OK" is healthy position. At the same time, I participate in life and the resolution of life's problems. I act in order to achieve the winning results I desire. This is the only position based on reality. If as a child I took the position "I'm not-OK, you're OK", then most likely I will play my scenario mainly from depressive positions, feeling inferior to other people. Without realizing it, I will choose feelings and behaviors that are unpleasant for me, "confirming" that I have determined my place in the world correctly. If I develop mental health problems, they will most likely be diagnosed as neurosis or depression. If I wrote a fatal script, it would probably end in suicide.

The childish attitude of "I'm OK, you're not OK" means that I will be living my script mostly from a defensive position, trying to rise above other people. At the same time, they are likely to perceive me as a suppressive, insensitive and aggressive person. Although this position is often called paranoid, it also fits the psychiatric diagnosis of character disorder. In a third-degree losing scenario, my final scene might involve killing or maiming other people.

If I took the "I'm not-OK, you're not-OK" attitude as a baby, my script will play out predominantly from barren positions. I will consider that this world and the people who inhabit it are bad, as well as myself. If I wrote a banal script, my negligent attitude to most of life's undertakings will run like a red thread through it. If I have a fatal scenario, the solution may be to "go crazy" and earn a psychotic diagnosis.

Like all other components of the script, life position can be changed. As a rule, this happens only as a result of an insight - a sudden direct-intuitive awareness of one's scenario - a course of therapy or some kind of strong life shock.

Often the process of changing one's life position is associated with a certain sequence of moving along the squares of the Site. If a person initially spends most of their time in Z-T-, their next stop will most likely be Z+T-. After spending some time in this main square for himself now, he will move into I-T +. The ultimate goal is to stay longer and longer in the I + T + square until it becomes the main place of residence.

It may seem strange that in order to go from I+T- to I+T+, people often need to go through I-T+. But, as therapeutic experience testifies, I + T-often turns out to be protective reaction against I-T+. Deciding that "I am OK and everyone else is not OK," the infant establishes himself in this position to protect himself from the painful realization of his inferiority and helplessness in the face of his parents. To really become an adult, a person needs to live through this childhood pain and get rid of it.

Conclusion

A person develops his position throughout life. First, he forms it, then strengthens or changes it. Life position cannot remain unchanged throughout life. Not every person will be able to radically change their previous beliefs and develop a new active life position, but they will certainly support or strengthen the already existing one, either positive or negative.

It is important to remember that there is no such thing as an "ideal" or "perfect" life position. The position must be corrected with every change that occurs in our lives. Indeed, on the path of each of us there are various situations that “unsettle” and only thanks to our own efforts, flexibility in the approach to understanding what is happening, we will be able to achieve a successful solution, find a way out and cope with the situation.

The life position of a person must be formulated, and the addition to these seven keys is this: be kind to yourself. Few of us can infuse compassion-based kindness into our behavior towards others unless we first show kindness to ourselves.

These keys allow us to change and grow creatively, change the way we think. It goes without saying that by saying “no” to someone, without asking anyone for permission and in all other ways, showing our own independence, we can lose old friends, but if friendship with them was based on our weaknesses, complexes, and not on strengths of our personality, how good are they for us? But now, having new strength, we will make new friends who will be independent and strong people.

And if we find it necessary to hurt someone around us in order to give clarity and certainty to our own life, then in reality this means only one thing: we no longer want to silently endure if they hurt us, no longer want to let them put obstacles in our way. path to self-realization. Once we stop allowing other people to traumatize us, we have the opportunity to use our newfound power and help them or someone else, because we become caring towards others and are ready to show empathy to them.

In addition, it is then much easier for us to accept, without feeling offended or rejected, such situations when other people tell us “no”.

List of used literatures

1. V.V. Makarov. Lectures on psychology - 1999

2. Shchedrova G. "The goal of society is a person" 1995

3. Maksimov S.L. "Personality and Society" 1993.

4. Lukashevich Ch.P. "Psychology of education" 1996

5. Ian Stewart, Venn Joynes "Life Script" 1987

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Everything that a person thinks, thinks about, does, represents his life position. At first glance, it seems that there can be something in common between the attitude to the surrounding world and morality? It turns out that everything in this life is interconnected.

Life position helps us to overcome the difficulties of life, ups and downs. It is expressed in all areas of activity: labor, ethical, internal, social, political.

People begin to form a life position from birth. How the child will develop depends to a greater extent on the close environment. These are parents, grandparents, educators, teachers. On the this stage the foundation of life is being laid. From harmonious relations in the family, school, at work, personality is formed.

What is the difference between life positions

The main secret of personal self-realization is an active life position. Courage, initiative - this is that small fraction that forms to the intended goal. Such people often become leaders in the team and among friends. Passive personalities only follow them, although they have their own point of view, but do not want to defend it.

Specific features of an active life position

Negative
People with a negative life position direct their energy towards negative actions. They cause a lot of trouble to those around them. Their life credo is to impose on society their opinion, specific goals that cause colossal harm, not benefit. Often such people are the leaders of bandit groups and formations.

Positive
High morality of a person, a positive lifestyle, unacceptability to evil.

Passive people lead an inactive lifestyle. They are indifferent to our reality. Pessimists never participate in solving difficult issues, the problems of society are bypassed. They never answer for their words, promising something, they often deceive. Human behavior reminds us of an ostrich with a hidden head. In their opinion, this is the most convenient way to protect yourself from unnecessary problems.

Passivity and negative life goals are practically identical concepts. From inaction and unwillingness to help in difficult times, many different crimes and outbursts of injustice happen.

Types of passive life position

  • Submission;
  • Complete inertia;
  • destructive behavior;
  • Excitation.

A submissive person will follow the path “beaten” by someone until the end of his life. He strictly observes the rules, without thinking about their need and compliance.

The last category of pessimists is no less serious for society. All their troubles, failures, anger they splash out on outsiders, completely uninvolved in their problems, people. For example, a mother splashes out a sea of ​​negativity on her children, having unsuccessfully married. Innocent beings pay for negligent parents. There are many such examples.

Life position begins to take shape with early childhood and continues to strengthen or weaken during the continuation of the life cycle. Look at yourself from the outside, evaluate your actions. Perhaps you are doing something wrong. If the results do not impress you, then try to change yourself. You still have time for this!

Other articles on this topic:

How to become How to love yourself How to be yourself How to achieve what you want

If the child is surrounded by an atmosphere of love, acceptance and security, then a positive basic existential position of a person is formed - I + You +, the child acquires a solid foundation for positive self-esteem and a positive, friendly attitude towards others.

Due to various circumstances: rejection, repulsion, neglect, indifference on the part of parents, etc. (See Chapter II, “Rejection and Self-Rejection”), the child may develop a false idea of ​​himself and the outside world, which leads to the emergence of other unnatural, unhealthy internal attitudes.

Constructive position I + You +

From early childhood, I felt that I was infinitely loved. Our parents loved us and each other very much. I grew up in an atmosphere of care and understanding and still feel the support of my family and I am sure that no matter what happens to me, they will be there and will always help. From childhood, I was told about God, my parents prayed and told Him about everything important that happened in the family. Later I realized that a relationship with God is the most important thing in life, and now I can’t imagine how you can live and not remember Him, not turn to Him every day. He loves all people very much and takes care of us.

Lydia

If the core of the belief system is a constructive life position, a person is convinced of the value of his personality, sure that he deserves to be loved and accepted. He loves his parents, he knows that they are good, kind, honest people who can be trusted. This attitude extends to other people as well.

A person lives in harmony with the outside world, he is characterized by productive cooperation, positive relationships with people, acceptance, the ability to make friends, psychological adaptation and success. He is able to give and receive love, is not afraid to get close to people, is free from excessive dependence on the opinions and assessments of others, calmly accepts criticism, is self-critical, open to any changes.

He understands himself, his feelings, can freely express, realize and talk about his feelings, experiences. He rejoices in other people's successes and achievements, is able to support others, sincerely talks about positive traits to people, positively assesses the future.

A person with an existential position I+Thou+ can also make fair criticisms, and is ready to say "no" if necessary; not afraid to defend his opinion, even if others do not agree with him; is distinguished by independence and firmness of position, if he is sure that he is right. However, if he discovers the fallacy of his opinion, then he freely admits that he is wrong and changes his own point of view. He is characterized by a sober assessment of the reality of events and a readiness for a positive search for solutions to emerging life problems, the ability to make independent decisions and bear responsibility for them, taking into account the advice and wishes of others.

Such a person is faithful to his moral ideals and values. He constantly develops, engages in self-knowledge, chooses the methods of internal personal growth that are suitable for him and works on himself.

Depressive position I-Thou+

A depressive life position dominates in a person in his belief system after the experience of rejection by close people, parents. He decides that something is wrong with him, “I am bad” (I -), considers himself incapable of anything, thinks that he is worse than others, suffers from feelings of inferiority, incompetence, self-denial.

Self-doubt gives rise to fear of failure, which really provokes failure. A person internally strives to regularly experience situations of failure, even in small things. He constantly expects failure in order to once again fix the justice of his parents' position in relation to himself: something is wrong with him, he is not what they wanted, he is not capable of anything, cannot please them, etc. He is extremely dependent on the opinions of his parents and authority figures in his life. Often this manifests itself in infantilism, in fear of taking responsibility and making independent decisions, taking initiative.

A person with such a life position regularly experiences depression, despondency, seeks to move away from other people, prefers to stay at a distance. He avoids everything new, unexpected; tries to stay in an already familiar circle in which he feels in a relatively safe position.

When I remember my childhood, I try not to think about the bad, but it's not easy. My parents loved me, but I would say "strange love". Even now they do not realize what they did to me in childhood, and how it affected me. To begin with, they were expecting a girl, and when I was born, they were very upset. When I was little, I always had long hair, so many on the street took me for a girl, which made me terribly angry. Sometimes my mother dressed me in dresses and admired me. She was the head of the house, occupied a higher social position, constantly humiliated my father, who chose a job associated with constant long business trips, and was constantly absent from home. When he returned, his parents often fought, because his father was very jealous. I felt that I was to blame for their problems, I tried to reconcile them. Quite often, my mother broke down and, in a fit of anger, beat me, and then wept, and forced me to ask her forgiveness for the fact that I “brought her down” so much. When I started to do something myself (which happened infrequently, since I was not trusted or allowed to do anything), my parents popularly explained to me that no matter how hard I tried, I still wouldn’t succeed, it would be better if they did everything themselves.

Evgeniy

Think how many literary heroes with a similar life position are described in Russian literature! This is a very common personality type.

Defensive position I+Thou-

I was the oldest child in the family. Parents loved us, but were always very passionate about work. My brother was born when I was 2 years old, and all the attention of parents since that time has been riveted to him. He was more sick, hooligans, poorly studied at school. As a teenager, he got involved with bad company, started drinking. Unlike him, I have always been a good, obedient girl, I studied “good” and “excellent”, I tried to succeed in everything. But my parents were much less interested in me. I entered a prestigious institute on the first try, where I met my future husband, Boris, who tenderly looked after me and sought my attention. Something always went wrong with him, he constantly got into some kind of story, no matter what he started to do, everything turned out wrong, not thought out, to say the least ... I had to decide everything in the family and take responsibility for myself , in short, he "lived behind me, like behind a stone wall." Boris loved me very much, and I felt it, but over time I began to feel that he was becoming cooler, and even began to suspect that he was cheating on me. I did not have a close relationship with either my parents or my brother, because my parents are biased towards my brother. They help him in everything, do not refuse anything, spoiled him, and he, the slob, uses their kindness and does what he wants. I can't stand him, how disgusting he is.

Nastya

If a defensive life position dominates at the existential level of the belief system, a person, one way or another, experiences a situation of rejection by parents, significant people, and decides that these people, the world, everything around is hostile, negatively disposed and one must always be ready to defend oneself and defend oneself and best of all, attack.

A person feels the value of his personality by proving his superiority over others, by means of an irresistible desire to control everything around. Usually he himself does not even notice that he humiliates, condemns and accuses people. Since this happens so naturally that he sincerely believes that others are doing everything wrong, they are to blame for all the troubles (including his own problems). And he knows better than anyone else how to do it so that it turns out well.

He needs to be the first, the best, this is often achieved by condemning or belittling others, in neurotic rivalry (a superiority complex). And also in trying to control everyone around and striving to complete any business to the limit, achieving perfect success and demonstrating it to others in order to show that they are not capable of it.

Such a person is internally convinced that one can achieve one's goals only through relentless struggle, aggressiveness towards people and the world. Aggressiveness is sometimes hidden and sublimated, it takes on socially acceptable forms, but the surrounding ones, especially those from which this person does not depend in any way, may feel uncomfortable in his presence, often perceive him as an overwhelming other, insensitive person.

However, one must always keep in mind that the superiority complex is only a protective form of a deep feeling of inferiority, a complex of self-rejection (non-acceptance, rejection of oneself). These two complexes are naturally connected. We should not be surprised that when we do self-knowledge and discover a self-denial complex, we immediately find a more or less hidden superiority complex. On the other hand, if we explore the superiority complex dynamically, we always find a more or less hidden self-denial complex. This removes the seeming paradox about two opposite tendencies existing in one individual, since it is obvious that normally the desire for superiority and the feeling of inferiority complement each other. The word "complex" that we use reflects the set of psychological characteristics that underlie an exaggerated sense of self-denial, inferiority, or striving for superiority.

The fruitless position of I-Thou-

A person whose core belief system is represented by a barren life position feels unloved, rejected, humiliated; convinced that life is useless, full of disappointments, no one can help him.

He rejects people and the world around him and feels rejected, devastated, depressed; the main action is waiting.

A person who does not realize the value of either his own personality or the value of the personality of the people around him can be socially dangerous.

Internal conflict quite often manifests itself through attempts to immerse yourself in a different reality (computer, alcohol, drugs, magic, etc.), in order to hide from internal problems, if possible, not to think, not to recognize and ignore them.

I was born into a family at the most inopportune time. My parents just got married. My father was a student, and my mother (she is 5 years older) had already graduated from the institute by that time. They lived with their father's parents. The mother's relationship with her grandmother did not go well, because the grandmother was against marriage. Mother was worried that different girls would seduce her father at the institute, so it seems that her time was not easy. Childbirth began a month ahead of schedule and was critical. I don't know exactly what happened, but it looks like I might not have survived. Then, due to an oversight of doctors, complications began in the mother, and she was taken to the hospital. I stayed with my father and grandmother. I often got sick, slept badly at night, screamed. Parents constantly quarreled and cursed among themselves and with their grandmother. The mother called names and humiliated the father, the grandmother also condemned them. A couple of years later, the parents moved to a separate apartment. But their relationship never worked out. I always felt that they were unhappy in marriage, my mother told me that they live together only for my sake, but I don’t care. Actually, I didn't tell my father or mother anything. When I grew up, my father left and married another woman who had a daughter.

Victor.

Every adult does not stay in his basic existential position all the time. Often (as his true face) he hides it under various masks. But the existential position always manifests itself in difficult life circumstances, when deciding psychological problems, in new, unexpected circumstances, able to internal conflict, tension, frustration ( mental condition caused by failure in meeting needs and desires, accompanied by various negative experiences: disappointment, irritation, anxiety, despair ...).

LIVING POSITION - the orientation of the life of the individual, her t. er. about their place and role in public life(Unlike social status , positions). On the moral plane, life style is a system of behavior of a person, determined by his convictions, ideology, and conscience. A person's position on any socially significant issue is a Zh. item insofar as it corresponds to the objective logic of the development of social reality, reflects the alignment of real social forces that affect this development. Criterion of truth, correctness of this or that Zh. item - its conformity to progressive tendencies of development about-va, interests of advanced social forces. In order to determine the life style of people, it is necessary, in the words of V. I. Lenin, to find out “what kind of social situation and exactly how their actions are determined” (vol. 1, p. 430). Zh. p. - one of the most important signs of the personal development of the individual, determining his place in the historical process. The formation of personality is at the same time a conscious choice by a person of one or another Zh. p. (Moral choice). The content of the personal choice of a particular Zh. item is ultimately determined by the ideals and values ​​of the community, class or social group to which this belongs. But this does not detract from the role of the subject himself, the individual in determining his attitude to the world. Life and V. I. Lenin - and an example of a consciously made choice and consistent implementation of an active Zh. p, personality. Zh. p. is an expression of such a social activity of a person, which is based on ideological certainty and adherence to principles, presupposes social consciousness. Zh.'s activity is expressed both ideologically - in an interested, biased, party attitude towards the ideals, goals, theoretical attitudes of the community, class, and behaviorally, characterizing consistency and masculinity in defending a person's views, beliefs, in their implementation in practice . Therefore, Zh. p. should be clearly distinguished from businesslike, “grip”, cunning opportunism (choosing someone's side or so-called sp. for reasons of selfish interest, calculation, benefit). The moral basis of active life philosophy is the principle of the unity of word and deed, which is expressed in the desire of a person to realize social, including moral, in practice. Correspondence, the fusion of theory and practice, unity, thought and action, when people can be vouched for, V. I. Lenin said that “they will not take a word on faith, they will not say a word against their conscience” (vol. 45, p. 391), is the most important condition for the effectiveness of the Zh. item chosen by the masses or the individual. Active Zh. an outside contemplator, a neutral observer, guided by the principle "my hut is on the edge." In a moral sense, such passivity is identical with indifference, often feeding renegacy. A special case of a departure from active life style is the discrepancy between word and deed, which testifies to the declarative, formal nature of a person's conviction, and sometimes to moral hypocrisy. Social and personal passivity in all its forms is alien to communist morality; the only exceptions are those special cases where passivity is a peculiar form of activity (for example, under conditions of bourgeois democracy, deliberate evasion of voting in elections that offer no alternative, etc.). Of great moral importance is the struggle against moral infantilism, lack of initiative and inactivity, against social complacency, intoxication with success, lack of self-criticism, against ideological vacillations and concessions on matters of principle.

Ethics Dictionary. - M.: Politizdat. Ed. Icon. 1981 .

See what "LIFE POSITION" is in other dictionaries:

    life position- n., number of synonyms: 1 life setting (2) ASIS Synonym Dictionary. V.N. Trishin. 2013 ... Synonym dictionary

    LIFE POSITION- [engagement engagement]: the manifestation of indifference and activity in resolving conflicts of responsibilities or ideas; opposite to abstraction, indifference, neutrality. The word itself, which became popular in recent times thanks to the work... Philosophical Dictionary

    Life position- is a way of one's own life chosen by a person, a set of life relations, values ​​of ideals and the found nature of their implementation, which ensures the formation of a person and the further course of his life. One of the characteristic features... Social Work Dictionary- the motivated orientation of the individual's life, his understanding of the meaning of life, social values ​​and norms, which is the basis for choosing a line of behavior; manifests itself through a rationally meaningful and emotionally colored attitude towards ... ... Professional education . Dictionary

    LIFE POSITION- the result of a person mastering his behavior, he becomes the subject of behavior, that is, a person who independently achieves his goals ... Encyclopedic Dictionary of Psychology and Pedagogy

    Life position- an internal attitude, determined by the worldview, moral and psychological qualities of the individual and reflecting her subjective attitude towards society ... Glossary of terms on general and social pedagogy

    LIFE POSITION- internal installation, due to worldview, moral and psychol. personality traits and reflecting its subjective attitude to society. Zh. p. manifests itself in the real behavior of a person, m. b. active (constant desire to change ... ... Pedagogical Dictionary

    Life position of the individual- the most important ideas that express the attitude of the individual to various life realities, which a person voluntarily guides in his life. These life-leading ideas are expressed in the most various forms: beliefs, principles, ... ... Fundamentals of spiritual culture (encyclopedic dictionary of a teacher), . The authors of the book, well-known Soviet philosophers, in the form of journalistic essays shed light on the most important provisions of the Marxist concept of personality. The key to the book is Lenin's idea that ...

A person's life position is his holistic attitude to the world around him, manifested in his thoughts and actions. This is what catches the eye when meeting and distinguishes us from each other in a psychological sense. It affects the ability to overcome difficulties, our successes and determines the power over our destiny.

A clear life position is manifested in all spheres of human activity: moral, spiritual, socio-political and labor. It expresses the moral tension of the individual, that is, her readiness for practical action.

The formation of a life position begins at birth and largely depends on the environment in which a person lives. Its foundation is born when a child learns to communicate with parents, friends, teachers, to live in society. Depending on these relations, the self-determination of the individual is concretized.

Life position - active and passive

An active life position is the secret of self-realization and success. It manifests itself in the courage of initiative and readiness to act. For its formation, an engine is needed that will move us forward. Our desires act as such an engine, which will lift us above all difficulties and help us achieve our goals. A person with an active life position can be a leader or follow the leader, but he always has his own point of view and the strength to defend it.

There are the following types of active life position:

  1. positive position. It is focused on the moral norms of society, on the affirmation of good and overcoming moral evil.
  2. Negative. Not always active and active people spend their efforts on positive actions, their actions can harm others and themselves. Participation in various bandit formations can serve as an example of a negative active life position. The leader of the gang is a rather active person, with firm convictions, specific goals, but his convictions are to the detriment of society, and not in its favor.

The antipode of this life position is passivity. A person with a passive life position is inert and indifferent. His words and deeds diverge, he does not want to participate in solving any problems and difficulties of the society in which he lives. His behavior resembles that of an ostrich that hides its head in the sand, thinking that this is the safest way to rid itself of problems. Such principles are no less dangerous than a negative active life position. How many injustices and crimes are committed from our inaction?

A passive life position can manifest itself in the following ways:

Despite the fact that the life position is formed in childhood and depends on the society in which we live, it is not too late to stop and think about what your life position is, what benefit you bring to others. And if the result of reflection does not satisfy, it is not too late to change yourself.

A person's life position is his holistic attitude to the world around him, manifested in his thoughts and actions. This is what catches the eye when meeting and distinguishes us from each other in a psychological sense. It affects the ability to overcome difficulties, our successes and determines the power over our destiny.

A clear life position is manifested in all spheres of human activity: moral, spiritual, socio-political and labor. It expresses the moral tension of the individual, that is, her readiness for practical action.

The formation of a life position begins at birth and largely depends on the environment in which a person lives. Its foundation is born when a child learns to communicate with parents, friends, teachers, to live in society. Depending on these relations, the self-determination of the individual is concretized.

Life position - active and passive

An active life position is the secret of self-realization and success. It manifests itself in the courage of initiative and readiness to act. For its formation, an engine is needed that will move us forward. Our desires act as such an engine, which will lift us above all difficulties and help us achieve our goals. A person with an active life position can be a leader or follow the leader, but he always has his own point of view and the strength to defend it.

There are the following types of active life position:

  1. positive position. It is focused on the moral norms of society, on the affirmation of good and overcoming moral evil.
  2. Negative. Not always active and active people spend their efforts on positive actions, their actions can harm others and themselves. Participation in various bandit formations can serve as an example of a negative active life position. The leader of the gang is a rather active person, with firm convictions, specific goals, but his convictions are to the detriment of society, and not in its favor.

The antipode of this life position is passivity. A person with a passive life position is inert and indifferent. His words and deeds diverge, he does not want to participate in solving any problems and difficulties of the society in which he lives. His behavior resembles that of an ostrich that hides its head in the sand, thinking that this is the safest way to rid itself of problems. Such principles are no less dangerous than a negative active life position. How many injustices and crimes are committed from our inaction?

A passive life position can manifest itself in the following ways:

Despite the fact that the life position is formed in childhood and depends on the society in which we live, it is not too late to stop and think about what your life position is, what benefit you bring to others. And if the result of reflection does not satisfy, it is not too late to change yourself.

03.12.2015 10:08

Chapter from the book by J. Stewart, W. Joynes "LIFE SCENARIO"

Berne suggested that in the earliest stages of script formation, the young child "...already has certain beliefs about himself and about the people around him... These beliefs, which he seems to carry through the rest of his life, can be summarized as follows:

(1) I'm OK or
(2) I am not-OK;
(3) Are you OK or
(4) You are not-OK."

Combining all possible combinations of these beliefs, we get four statements about ourselves and other people:

(1) I'm OK, you're OK;
(2) I'm not-OK, you're OK;
(3) I'm OK, you're not OK;
(4) I am not-OK, you are not-OK.

These four points of view are called life positions. Some authors call them fundamental positions, existential positions, or simply positions. They reflect the fundamental attitudes of a person about the essential values which he sees in himself and other people. This is something more than just an opinion about one's own or someone else's. behavior. Having adopted one of these positions, the child, as a rule, begins to adjust his entire script to it.

Berne wrote: "At the heart of every game, every scenario, and every human destiny is one of these four fundamental positions."

The child who adopted the position "I'm OK, you're OK" is more likely to build a winning scenario. He finds that he is loved and glad for his existence. He decides that his parents can be loved and trusted, and subsequently extends this view to people in general.

If an infant takes the "I'm not-OK, you're OK" position, he is more likely to write a banal or losing script. In accordance with this fundamental position, he will play out in the script his role as a victim and his losses to other people.

The "I'm OK, you're not OK" attitude can set the stage for a seemingly winning scenario. But such a child is convinced that he needs to rise above others, and keep them in a humiliated position. For a while he may succeed, but only at the cost of continuous struggle. Over time, the people around him will get tired of their humiliated position and turn away from him. Then he will turn from a supposedly "winner" into a loser himself.

The attitude "I'm not OK, you're not OK" is the most likely basis for a losing scenario. Such a child has come to believe that life is empty and hopeless. He feels humiliated and unloved. He believes that no one is able to help him, since the rest are also not-OK. So his script will revolve around scenes of rejection by others and his own rejection.

Origin of life position

In TA, there is no complete agreement on the causes and timing of life positions.

Berne believed that "... the position is taken in early childhood (from three to seven years) in order to justify a decision based on earlier experience." In other words, according to Berne, early decisions come first, and then the child takes a position in life, thereby creating a picture of the world that justifies earlier decisions.

For example, an infant who has not yet learned to speak may take next solution: "Never again will I risk loving someone, since Mom showed that she does not love me." He later justifies this decision with the belief "no one will love me", which translates to "I'm not OK". If a little girl is spanked by her father, she may decide, "I will never trust a man again because Dad treats me badly." Subsequently, she extends this decision to all other men in the form of the belief "men cannot be trusted", that is, "you (they) are not OK."

From the point of view of Claude Steiner, life positions are taken much earlier. He traces their origins to the first months of feeding a child. According to Steiner, the position "I'm OK, you're OK" reflects the comfortable atmosphere of interdependence between the child and the breastfeeding mother. He equates it with the position of "fundamental trust" described by the child development Eric Erickson. This is such a "... state of affairs when the baby feels that he is in unity with the world, and everything is in unity with him."

Steiner believes that all children start with an "I'm OK, you're OK" attitude. The child changes position only when something disturbs the harmony of his interdependence with his mother. For example, when a child feels that the mother ceases to protect him and accept him as unconditionally as she did in the first days. Some babies may perceive birth itself as a threat to primordial harmony. In response to any kind of discomfort in his life, the child may decide that he is not-OK, or that others are not-OK. He goes from Erickson's state of "fundamental trust" to a state of "fundamental mistrust." And then, based on this fundamental idea of ​​himself and other people, the child begins to write the script of his life.

Thus, Steiner agrees with Berne that life position "justifies" scenario decisions. However, according to Steiner, a life position is taken first, and after that, scenario decisions.

So, attitude can be defined as a set of underlying beliefs about oneself and other people that a person uses to justify his decisions and his behavior.

LIVING POSITION IN ADULTS: OK-SITE

Each of us enters adulthood with a script for later life, based on one of the four life positions. However, we do not stay in the chosen position all the time. We are constantly moving from one position to another.

Franklin Ernst developed a method for analyzing such transitions. He called him OK-Site.


Instead of the term "OK" Ernst uses the expression "OK for me". This is done to emphasize that "okay" is due to my beliefs: my beliefs about yourself and my beliefs about you.

The top pole of the vertical axis of the Site corresponds to "You are OK", the bottom - "You are not OK". On the horizontal axis on the right we have "I'm OK", on the left we have "I'm not-OK". Each of the four squares corresponds to some vital position.

For brevity, "OK" in the literature on TA is often denoted by the sign "+", and "non-OK" - by the sign "-". The word "you" is sometimes also abbreviated to the letter "T". The four life positions take on the following form: I+T+, I-T+, I+T-, I-T-.

On fig. one of the variants of the Site is presented, where each of the four positions has its own name. Ernst's original diagram did not include these names, but they are often used by other authors.

Franklin Ernst points out that each of the children's positions is represented in adult life in the form of a certain social interaction. He calls the last " operation". The names of these operations are given on the scheme of the Site. When we perform any of these operations unconsciously, in the state of the Child, we do this, as a rule, in order to provide a scenario "justification" for the corresponding life position. However, we have another possibility - we can move into the Adult state and perform any of these operations consciously, and through this social interaction can lead to the desired results for us.

I'm OK, you're OK: engagement

I just got to work. On the threshold, the boss meets me with a pile of papers. "Here's the report we've been waiting for," he says. "I've marked some points for you. Could you review them and report back?" "Very well," I reply, "it will be done."

By agreeing to fulfill the request of the boss, I decided for myself that I was competent enough to perform this task and I liked it. I find that the boss stated his request politely and reasonably. Thus, I take the position "I'm OK, you're OK". At the level of social interaction, my boss and I turned on to the common cause.

Every time I interact with people in this position, I reinforce my belief that I and others are OK.

I'm Not-OK, You're OK: Avoiding Interaction

I sit down at my desk and turn to the first page of the report. Out of the corner of my eye, I see someone walking towards me. This is one of my colleagues. He looks worried. Since I am already familiar with this expression on his face, it is not difficult for me to guess why he complained. He is going to endlessly complain about his work, ask me for advice and not listen to him. When he comes to my desk and opens his mouth, I can choose between two options: follow the script or respond to him from the Adult state.

Scenario operation: Let's say I step into the script and take the "I'm not-OK, you're OK" attitude. I say to myself: "I'm not able to help him. I can't do it. But what is he, he will just talk and that's it. We need to get out of here!" I tighten my abs and sweat. Not listening to what my colleague is talking about, I mumble, "I'm sorry, Jim, I need to jump out to the bathroom!" - and head for the door. As I leave the room, I let go of my tension with a sigh of relief. I gone from Jim according to the script. In doing so, I reinforced my Child's belief that I am not OK and others are OK.

Adult operation: If I decide to stay in Adult, I say to myself: "I don't want to listen to Jim at the moment. He has problems, but it's not for me to solve them. However, if he talks, you can't stop him. I think it's best to get out of his reach." As soon as Jim opens his mouth and begins to utter his first complaint, I say: "Yes, Jim, things are bad. But I'm busy right now. I was just about to go to the library, check some data on this report. I hope you do well" . I collect my papers and leave. With the help of the Adult, I consciously chose the operation care.

I'm OK, You're Not OK: Getting Rid of Interaction

Ten minutes later, with a cup of coffee, I return to the office and delve into the report. The door opens again. This time it's my assistant. He looks dejected. "I'm afraid I have bad news," he says. "Remember, you ordered me to print materials? I got busy and forgot to turn them in on time. And now the printer is busy. What should I do?"

scenario operation: I can answer him from the "I'm OK, you're not OK" position. Blushing, I say in a sharp voice: "What do you do? Correct the situation, that's what you do! I don’t want to hear anything else until the material is on the table, understand?” At the same time, my pulse rises and I literally boil with indignation. When the assistant disappears, I say to myself: “You can’t rely on anyone in our time, everything have to do!" I got rid of from the assistant, creating a scripted "justification" for my belief that I am OK and others are not.

Adult operation: I answer the assistant; "Well, your job is to fix things. I've got urgent work to do right now. So look for an opportunity to print materials somewhere else as soon as possible. I'll see you at four, report back on the results." I bend over the report again, signaling that the conversation is over. I got rid of from an assistant, so now I can do my own thing, and we both remain OK.

I am not-OK, you are not-OK: non-engagement in interaction

The phone rings. The wife calls from home: "Something terrible has happened! The pipe burst, and while I managed to turn off the water, the entire carpet was flooded!"

scenario operation: In this case, I can take the attitude "I'm not OK, you're not OK". I say to myself: "I've had enough. This is beyond my strength. And you can't rely on your wife. It's all useless." I groan into the phone: "Listen, this is already beyond my strength. It's already been a day, it's too much." Without waiting for an answer, I hang up. I feel exhausted and depressed. Deep down, I solidified my belief that I and everyone else is not OK.

Adult operation: Deciding to stay in the Adult state, I reply, "Look, it's all over now. Wait until I get back. Then we'll see what we can do." I chose surgery non-involvement.

OK-SITE AND PERSONALITY CHANGES


Although we are constantly moving around the squares of the Lot, each of us has a "favorite" square in which we, acting according to the scenario, spend most of the time. It corresponds to the basic life position we took in childhood.

"I'm OK, you're OK" is healthy position. At the same time, I participate in life and the resolution of life's problems. I act in order to achieve the winning results I desire. This is the only position based on reality. If as a child I took the position "I'm not-OK, you're OK", then most likely I will play my scenario mainly from depressive positions, feeling inferior to other people. Without realizing it, I will choose feelings and behaviors that are unpleasant for me, "confirming" that I have determined my place in the world correctly. If I develop mental health problems, they will most likely be diagnosed as neurosis or depression. If I wrote a fatal script, it would probably end in suicide.

The childish attitude of "I'm OK, you're not OK" means that I will be living my script mostly from a defensive position, trying to rise above other people. At the same time, they are likely to perceive me as a suppressive, insensitive and aggressive person. Although this position is often called paranoid, it also fits the psychiatric diagnosis of character disorder. In a third-degree losing scenario, my final scene might involve killing or maiming other people.

If I took the "I'm not-OK, you're not-OK" attitude as a baby, my script will play out predominantly from barren positions. I will consider that this world and the people who inhabit it are bad, as well as myself. If I wrote a banal script, my negligent attitude to most of life's undertakings will run like a red thread through it. If I have a fatal scenario, the solution may be to "go crazy" and earn a psychotic diagnosis.

Like all other components of the script, life position can be changed. As a rule, this happens only as a result of an insight - a sudden direct-intuitive awareness of one's scenario - a course of therapy or some kind of strong life shock.

Often the process of changing one's life position is associated with a certain sequence of moving along the squares of the Site. If a person initially spends most of their time in Z-T-, their next stop will most likely be Z+T-. After spending some time in this main square for himself now, he will move into I-T +. The ultimate goal is to stay longer and longer in the I + T + square until it becomes the main place of residence.

It may seem strange that in order to go from I+T- to I+T+, people often need to go through I-T+. But, as therapeutic experience testifies, I + T-often turns out to be defensive reaction against I-T+. Deciding that "I am OK and everyone else is not OK," the infant establishes himself in this position to protect himself from the painful realization of his inferiority and helplessness in the face of his parents. To really become an adult, a person needs to live through this childhood pain and get rid of it.

*** EXERCISES WITH THE OK AREA

Draw the axes of the OK-Plot and label the squares.

Now draw a line along the axes to show how much time, on average, you spend daily in each square. For example, if you think you are in I-T+ most of the time, slightly less in I+T+, even less in I+T-, and least of all in I-T-. Franklin Ernst called it " district program".

Under what circumstances do you tend to enter each of the squares? What do you usually do, say and feel when you are in each of them?

From what states of the Self do you come from, being in each square? (Use the functional model.) What states of self do you induce in other people?

What types of strokes do you produce and receive in each square?

Now, after you've seen your polling program, would you like to change something in it?

If so, think about how you can use any of the four Adult Actions instead of script response. Choose at least one situation in the next week in which Adult Operation can be applied and try it out. If you are working in a group, let them know about the result.***


Everything that a person thinks, thinks about, does, represents his life position. At first glance, it seems that there can be something in common between the attitude to the surrounding world and morality? It turns out that everything in this life is interconnected.

Life position helps us to overcome the difficulties of life, ups and downs. It is expressed in all areas of activity: labor, ethical, internal, social, political.

People begin to form a life position from birth. How the child will develop depends to a greater extent on the close environment. These are parents, grandparents, educators, teachers. At this stage, the foundation of life in the social sphere is laid. From harmonious relationships in the family, school, at work, a personality is formed.

What is the difference between life positions

The main secret of personal self-realization is an active life position. Courage, initiative - this is that small fraction that forms to the intended goal. Such people often become leaders in the team and among friends. Passive personalities only follow them, although they have their own point of view, but do not want to defend it.

Specific features of an active life position

Negative
People with a negative life position direct their energy towards negative actions. They cause a lot of trouble to those around them. Their life credo is to impose on society their opinion, specific goals that cause colossal harm, not benefit. Often such people are the leaders of bandit groups and formations.

Positive
High morality of a person, a positive lifestyle, unacceptability to evil.

Passive people lead an inactive lifestyle. They are indifferent to our reality. Pessimists never participate in solving difficult issues, the problems of society are bypassed. They never answer for their words, promising something, they often deceive. Human behavior reminds us of an ostrich with a hidden head. In their opinion, this is the most convenient way to protect yourself from unnecessary problems.

Passivity and negative life goals are practically identical concepts. From inaction and unwillingness to help in difficult times, many different crimes and outbursts of injustice happen.

Types of passive life position

  • Submission;
  • Complete inertia;
  • destructive behavior;
  • Excitation.

A submissive person will follow the path “beaten” by someone until the end of his life. He strictly observes the rules, without thinking about their need and compliance.

The last category of pessimists is no less serious for society. All their troubles, failures, anger they splash out on outsiders, completely uninvolved in their problems, people. For example, a mother splashes out a sea of ​​negativity on her children, having unsuccessfully married. Innocent beings pay for negligent parents. There are many such examples.

Life position begins to form from early childhood and continues to strengthen or weaken during the continuation of the life cycle. Look at yourself from the outside, evaluate your actions. Perhaps you are doing something wrong. If the results do not impress you, then try to change yourself. You still have time for this!

Other articles on this topic:

How to become successful person How to love yourself How to be yourself How to achieve what you want When changes occur in a person's life The need of the individual for self-realization Ways to develop concentration How to become kinder How to change yourself?