In search of information about psychologists for analyzing thoughts, I came across an interesting method about constellations according to Bert Hellinger. I would really like to understand myself and am already looking for a suitable constellator. I would very much like "live" reviews - there are opinions that it is scary, mystic, harmful, and even call the participants zombies.

AT recent times more and more popular method of psychotherapy, which is called the system-phenomenological approach of Bert Hellinger. A simpler name is "method of system constellations" or simply "constellations". Many therapists use constellations or their individual elements in their work, and as practice shows, this method is very effective and allows in many cases to solve rather complex problems, or problems in the field of relationships, health, career, etc. Our specialists also use this method in their work, in connection with which, I considered it necessary to briefly tell the most important things about this method, which will allow us to get a fairly complete picture of it. In doing so, I will try to describe the method in as simple a language as possible, avoiding tricky scientific terms.

The foundation

Bert Hellinger (b. 1925) began to identify patterns that lead to conflicts between family members and to dire consequences since the 1980s. On this basis, he developed his approach and method of systemic family constellation. His students, colleagues and followers also joined his research. Each of them contributed something of his own to this method, discovering the operation of laws and patterns outside of family relationships, in the most diverse spheres of life and human activity.

What problems and tasks can constellations solve?

The constellation method is currently used to solve emerging conflict situations in family relationships, interpersonal relationships, in organizations and enterprises, the roots of many serious mental and physical illnesses, injuries, suicidal tendencies, accidents are determined. A request for alignment can also be financial problems, uncertainty in life and lack of interest in it, the definition of one's life purpose, the absence of children in families, hereditary diseases, etc. In general, the placement request should be something important, looking for a solution, an answer. The request must contain energy, the desire to achieve a result, and the clearer the goal and the greater this desire, the more successful and effective the achievement will be. Any life situation, any problem necessarily has its roots, and if you solve the problem superficially, then it will sprout again sooner or later. You can really change the situation only where it arose, and this method helps to find both a place and a solution.

Does spacing always help?

As practice shows, the arrangement helps at least twice as effectively as some other methods of therapy. However, one should not think that a remedy has been found for 100% solution of all problems. Firstly, the work of the client is necessary during the placement and after it, because. success depends 50% on the therapist, 50% on the client. The latter will see where the problem came from, how and what needs to be done now, but the action itself and all responsibility rest entirely with him. By the way, this is the main principle of successful therapy: it will be successful only if the client takes 100% responsibility for everything that happens in his life. If he continues to blame someone for his problems and failures, does not rush to therapy, he will simply give his money away, having received a temporary visible effect, and his life will return to the lesson that he went through while suffering.

Secondly, the causes of suffering may be too severe, i.e. a person has committed an act, the consequences of which he must feel for himself, to atone for him. And fate has its own plans for a person, which she will not change yet. For example, serious illnesses in the form of cancer or AIDS, especially in the advanced form, are rarely cured, and here it is necessary to accept one's fate, which also sometimes leads to healing. I want to clarify here that accepting this does not mean giving up, it means taking responsibility, and this is what often gives the necessary strength.

What is alignment and how it is carried out

One of the advantages of this method is that it allows you to work with a large number of people at once, having an impact not only on the client whose request is being considered, but also on everyone present and watching the arrangement. Therefore, therapy is carried out in groups of 8-10 people, the upper limit of the group is not limited. The optimal number of participants is 30-50 people.

The group sits down in a circle. The therapist also sits on one of the chairs, the chair to the right of him remains free - this is the client's place. Before starting work, as a rule, those present in a circle introduce themselves and voice the feeling with which they came to therapy and also their request or problem that they want to solve. If the work is not carried out with a specific client, agreed in advance, then the client is among those present. The therapist determines in which of the voiced requests there is energy and a desire to solve the problem. The client sits down next to the therapist and a short conversation is held with him, aimed at clarifying the request, while the therapist looks where the client’s request is directed, where it could have come from. problem situation. Also, if necessary, some details from the life of the client, his parents and ancestors are specified.

Next, the client is invited to choose from among those present, a substitute for himself and for those persons related to the client who will be determined by the therapist (for example, deputies for the client's mother and father). After that, the client is invited to arrange these people inside the circle as he sees it in his mind. The client takes each of the deputies from behind by the shoulders and places them somehow inside the circle (according to his internal image), after which he sits down. And here the most interesting begins, because of which the constellations are called a mystical process. The substitutes that the client has placed in the field begin to experience the same feelings and emotions as real people which they are now replacing. They begin to feel towards each other what these people feel. They can see people or events related to this situation, and then the therapist, clarifying any details with the client, adds these people or events to the arrangement of deputies, which in turn begin to experience their feelings, emotions and even thoughts. In this case, it does not matter whether this person, whom the substitute represents, is alive or dead, since the field manifests in the person of the substitute the qualities of this person, his needs and desires, etc.

During the constellation, such hidden things as the number of abortions in a woman, the presence of love affairs outside of marriage and illegitimate children, family secrets etc. In cases where it was possible to find out and clarify, the reliability of the events being manifested is confirmed. The therapist, using substitutes, directs the constellation to where the cause of the problem came from and the cause becomes obvious. As a rule, this happens due to violation of certain laws, wrong actions, rejection of love. Once the cause is revealed, the therapist tries various options to find a solution. At the same time, he changes the location of the figures in the circle, asks them about their feelings and how they change at the same time. The final image is a solution for the client, when he and all the figures feel real relief, getting rid of the heavy and oppressive. An internal healing image is fixed inside the client - a solution. And after a while, he starts to act in life. The principle of changes in life is this: you change yourself, the world around you changes. And the arrangements very clearly demonstrate how this principle works.

Some time after the arrangement (or immediately), the client feels how his life is changing, people and events are changing, and something completely new is coming. And now he decides how to live in a new way. At present, a huge practical experience has been gained, when as a result of the arrangement, amazing, sometimes incredible changes occurred in the lives of the participants.

At the same time, it is important to note that the result of the arrangement affects not only the client, but also the other participants. Similar situations resonate and give their results to both the deputies and those who observe the arrangement. Often, the positive result of those present can be even greater than that of the client.

I would also like to add that it is better to see the constellation at least once than to hear or read about it a hundred times, because this is really an amazing process of cleansing and getting rid of negativity. And best of all, your own feelings will tell about this process.

Everything new is long forgotten old...

The history of constellations goes back more than 6,000 years ago, when spiritual teachers in some religious directions, accepting their students, put them in the place of the one with whom the student had a conflict, so that he could feel the person with whom he was in conflict, his pain or resentment. also in ancient greece, before the performance, the actors invited special people who got used to the role of the characters and played their feelings, emotions, actions, and the actors watched their heroes as if they were present and learned to imitate them, adopt their feelings, after which they played these roles remarkably . Also, the history of psychology and psychotherapy can tell a lot about how a similar phenomenon of adopting other people's feelings was used in various techniques. Some therapists used this phenomenon in their practice, carried out similar constellations, but before B. Hellinger they did not try to systematize their achievements and separate them into a separate method.

Mystic or science?

Systemic constellations are recognized as the official method of therapy. The phenomenon that manifests itself during the constellation, associated with the adoption of other people's feelings, is now recognized as one of the scientific phenomena, like the law of attraction. It is simply accepted as something that is still inexplicable, but at the same time scientific. modern science no longer strives to blindly reject phenomena that are incomprehensible to her (for example, UFOs, ghosts, etc.), but tries to find an explanation for them. A number of intelligent scientists turn to ancient treatises, which describe all the secrets and their causes, as well as all phenomena discovered by science and not yet discovered.

Who can do placements?

Theoretically, in order to learn how to conduct constellations, you can, having a psychological education, take advanced training courses in certified institutions, after which you can gain practice as much as possible (because all constellations are very individual and write a single textbook applicable to all cases impossible). At the same time, outwardly, you can even become quite successful in this area. ... But not everything is as simple as everywhere else, there are also hidden, but very important laws, non-compliance with which can harm both the client and the group and ultimately lead to serious consequences for the client himself. constellator.

The personality of the therapist conducting the constellations is very important. It must be a holistic person who knows the price that will have to be paid for his mistakes and is ready for this. The therapist must be environmentally friendly, i.e. understand and respect the boundaries of what is permitted, without trying to manipulate people or use constellations as a method of profit. Its primary goal should be aimed at helping those who are waiting and asking for it. It is impossible to intervene “out of good intentions” where he is not asked, in those areas where he is not invited yet.

Constellations entail serious changes in the fate of people, and sooner or later one will have to bear responsibility for each such intervention. For example, if a person does not have wealth, and the constellator increases his wealth, while he must give knowledge about what his poverty was connected with, otherwise he himself will become a beggar in order to pass this lesson with his client (who will also return to his condition). The same goes for health issues, relationships, and so on. As soon as the therapist assumes the role of a magician or Lord God, he automatically assumes the fate of the one he helps. Moreover, as a rule, the therapist does not notice this, if he does not have certain qualities, he does not develop them in himself. Then pride, greed and other enemies will imperceptibly appear in the heart, after which destruction will come at all levels of life. The therapist himself, if he does not give deep knowledge of the causes of suffering to his client, or if he thinks that he is not a tool, but solves problems himself, then he will share the suffering, taking on a part of the client's fate. And the client, having received temporary relief and a respite, will return to his lessons again. That is why, the choice of a therapist must be approached very carefully, finding out not only how many years he has been in therapy, but most importantly, what kind of person he is, what are his motives and goals, as well as personal qualities.

But in any case, everyone chooses how much he will use this advice. After all, in the end, this is also the right to choose and the personal responsibility of a person.

A clear sign that your previous relationship with someone is still not completed is a repetition of the relationship development scenario. That is, those same - the notorious "rake".

When you break up with all your partners in the same scenario. Or when one of the links in the business structure is constantly "weak" - no matter who starts working there, it constantly "breaks": people themselves leave this particular position, or some events occur that interfere with business processes in this particular position. plot.

Both in the case of personal relationships and in the case of business relationships, if you want everything to go smoothly, you will need to “look at the root” - that is, explore the very first relationship in which you first stepped on these already disgusting you now "rake". And if these relations did not end quite calmly for all parties, you can try to even out the balance now.

This is done using the method of systemic constellations - if you turned to a systemic therapist for help. But you can try to do it yourself - by conducting the so-called arrangements of the imagination.

The simplest version of such constellations, which is available to anyone, is to mentally imagine, alone with yourself, a person with whom the relationship has not yet been completed. If it’s already completely difficult for you with imagination, put some object in front of you that will play the role of this person. What follows is, looking into the eyes of your imaginary partner, calmly, without emotion, admit everything that happened between you and how it affected you. And all the bad things must be acknowledged first. But be sure to use a constructive model of conversation.

For example, if a man left a woman, then she can say the following: “You cheated on me. I was very hurt". Such a phrase speaks of a fact that describes the bad that was caused to her, but, at the same time, about her feelings. And everything that is remembered should be in just such a bundle: fact - emotion, fact - emotion.

In other words, you need to build a conversation as if you were actually talking to your partner., but constructively - without insulting the person himself, but with a statement of facts and your emotional state as a result of what happened. A conversation in this vein does not escalate the situation, affecting the partner’s emotions, but allows you to explain to him the connection between what happened and the subsequent change in your emotional background.

And according to this scheme, you need to remember all the bad things that you remember now - because if you still remember it, and even with emotions, it means that resentment towards your partner is still deep in you.

By the way, if such constellations are carried out not in the imagination, but with the help of deputies (people who will temporarily portray your partner or even you, if you have a couple of assistants), then in the case of a really incomplete relationship with someone, you will see that either the deputies cannot calmly look into each other's eyes, or it will be quite difficult for you to do it yourself. Even if in the arrangement, someone from those with whom you have a trusting relationship in life acts as a substitute, and you usually calmly look into his eyes.

However, for the purity of the experiment, it is desirable that people who take a neutral position in relation to what happened act as deputies - that is, they do not emotionally take sides.

You ask why they use substitutes for system constellations at all? I answer: the easiest way to figure out what is happening inside the system is to temporarily exit it yourself.

• Being in the position of an outside observer, it’s easier for you to see what is really happening between people, how they react to each other, where they look and how they feel.
• Being inside the system it is difficult for you to objectively look at what is happening, and on a purely physical level it is impossible to see everything that is happening around you - you can be sideways or back to someone, and this person can seriously influence what is happening inside the system.

But let us return to the continuation of the description of the arrangement of the imagination. The next step: after working through all the bad things you remember, you must definitely remember all the good things. For example, in the case of the woman described above, she could say the following: “I am grateful to you for the love that was between us, for our common children. If it wasn't for you, they wouldn't be there either." In general, if later, looking at her children, a woman can calmly see in them their father, the woman’s former partner, then the fate of the children themselves will be more successful. Otherwise, role substitution may occur.

How do imagination constellations work?

Very simple! If the mother tells the child that his father is bad, then the child subconsciously identifies himself with the "bad" dad and can manifest himself in relations with the mother in the same way as the "bad father" did, and even repeat his fate in some way, or bad habits, although, it seems, in the present there are no prerequisites for this. And this is very well illustrated by the constellations according to the method of Bert Hellinger.

That is why, when conducting family constellations, the model of the current family most often includes the former wives and husbands of family members, and even the subsequent spouses of these "former", as well as those who were the very first love, even if these relationships did not end in marriage.

So, if you really deeply carry out such an arrangement according to the above scenario, then you will feel the energy of that love that was once between you and your former partner. And this feeling of the flow of love will be a sign that you have energetically completed your relationship with him.

The same principle is used to end relationships with unfairly dismissed subordinates - if we talk about the aspect of business relationships, and to end relationships with betrayed fellow comrades - if there were any.

Although, as one psychologist friend of mine wisely remarked, the word "betrayal" should be considered as derived from the word "transfer." And if there hadn’t been any of the betrayals in your life, you probably wouldn’t have moved to a new level of your own development, where you were “transferred” - it’s been known for a long time: “thunder will not strike, the peasant will not cross himself” ...

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Bert Hellinger and his method

German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger was born into a Catholic family on December 16, 1925 in Leimen (Baden, Germany). He became widely known for a therapeutic method called systemic family constellations. Many practitioners around the world continue to successfully apply and adapt the constellation method to a range of personal, organizational and political situations.

At the age of ten, Bert Hellinger left his home to study at a school at a Catholic monastery. Later Bert was ordained and sent to South Africa as a missionary, where he lived for 16 years. He was parish priest, teacher, and finally director of a large school for African students, with administrative responsibility for the entire area of ​​the diocese, which had 150 schools. Hellinger became fluent in the Zulu language, took part in their rituals, and began to understand their special view of the world.

In the early 1960s, Bert Hellinger took part in a series of interracial ecumenical training in group dynamics led by Anglican clergy. The instructors worked with the direction of phenomenology - dealt with the issue of highlighting what is necessary from all the diversity available, without intention, fear and prejudice, relying only on what is clear. Their methods showed that it was possible to reconcile opposites through mutual respect. One day, one of the instructors asked the group, “Which is more important to you, your ideals or your people? Which of these would you sacrifice for someone else? For Hellinger, this was not just a philosophical riddle - he was keenly aware of how the Nazi regime sacrificed human beings for the sake of ideals. “In a way, this question changed my life. Since then, the main focus that has shaped my work has been a focus on people”, said Bert Hellinger.

After he left his job as a priest, he met his future first wife, Hertha. They married shortly after his return to Germany. Bert Hellinger studied philosophy, theology and pedagogy.

In the early 1970s, Hellinger took a classical course in psychoanalysis at the Vienna Psychoanalysis Association (Wiener Arbeitskreis für Tiefenpsychologie). He completed his studies at the Munich Institute for the Training of Psychoanalysts (Münchner Arbeitsgemeinschaft für Psychoanalyse) and was accepted as a practicing member of their professional association.

In 1973 Bert traveled to the United States to continue his studies with Arthur Yanov in California. He studied group dynamics intensively, became a psychoanalyst, and introduced elements of primary therapy, transactional analysis, Ericksonian hypnosis, and NLP into his work.

By the 1980s, Burt had identified patterns that lead to tragic conflicts between family members. Based on his discoveries, he developed effective methods overcoming family conflicts, which are becoming increasingly popular, going beyond family counseling.

Bert Hellinger's penetrating gaze and actions go straight to the soul, releasing forces of an intensity rarely seen in psychotherapy. His insights and discoveries in intergenerational interweaving provide a new dimension to the therapeutic work with tragic family stories, and his family constellation solutions are touching, surprisingly simple, and highly effective.

Bert agreed to record and edit a series of recorded material from seminars for the German psychiatrist Gunthard Weber. Weber published a book himself in 1993 under the title Zweierlei Gluck ["Two Kinds of Happiness"]. The book was received with enthusiasm and quickly became a national bestseller.

Bert Hellinger and his second wife Maria Sophia Hellinger (Erdodi) lead the Hellinger School. He travels a lot, gives lectures, conducts training courses and seminars in Europe, the USA, Central and South America, Russia, China and Japan.

Bert Hellinger is a special, iconic figure in modern psychotherapy. His discovery of the nature of adopted feelings, the study of the influence on a person of various types of conscience (children's, personal, family, tribal), the formulation of the basic laws that govern human relations (orders of love), puts him on a par with such outstanding researchers human psyche, as 3. Freud, K. Jung, F. Perls, J. L. Moreno, K. Rogers, S. Grof and others. The value of his discoveries has yet to be appreciated by future generations of psychologists and psychotherapists.

B. Hellinger's systemic therapy is not just another speculative theory, but is the fruit of his long-term practical work with people. Many patterns of human relations were first noticed and tested in practice and only then generalized. His views do not contradict other therapeutic approaches, such as psychoanalysis, Jungian analysis, Gestalt, psychodrama, NLP, etc., but complement and enrich them. Today, with the help of systematic work according to B. Hellinger, it is possible to solve such human problems that ten years ago baffled even the most experienced specialists.

Method of systemic placement according to Helinger.

Family constellation becomes the main method of Bert Hellinger's work, and he develops this method by combining two basic provisions in it:

1) Phenomenological approach- following what appears in the work, without preliminary concepts and further interpretations

2) Systems approach- consideration of the client and the topic declared by him for work in the context of the client's relationship with members of his family (system).

The work of Bert Hellinger's family constellation method consisted in the fact that participants in the group were selected - deputy members of the client's family and placed in space using very restrained means of expression- only the direction of gaze, without any gestures or posture.

Hellinger discovered that when leader and group work slowly, seriously, and respectfully, substitute family members feel the same as their real prototypes, despite the fact that they do not know each other and any information about them is missing.

This phenomenon has been called “substitute perception”, and the place where the information comes from is the field (the knowing field or morphic field is the term of Rupert Sheldrake). However, in the practice of the last decades, experience has been accumulated that allows constellators to trust the information of the field and follow it in their work.

In the process of accumulating experience and observations, Bert Hellinger finds and formulates several laws that operate in systems, the violation of which leads to phenomena (“dynamics”) presented by clients as problems. Following the laws, the first experience of which the client receives in the constellation, allows you to restore order in the system and helps to alleviate the system dynamics and resolve the problem presented. These laws are called Orders of Love.

Accumulated observations show that the systems approach and vicarious (field) perception are also manifested in non-family systems (organizations, “internal parts of the personality”, abstract concepts- such as “war” or “fate”), and not only with direct substitution in the group, but also with other methods of work (work in an individual format without a group, work with figures on the table or with large objects on the floor). Increasingly, family constellation is used for business and organizational decision making ("organizational constellations" or "business constellations").

What problems does the Hellinger constellation method work with?

First of all, with adopted feelings - repressed, not fully experienced, blocked or forbidden by society, the feelings that our ancestors experienced.

The adopted feelings are stored in the family system, as in an "information bank", and later may manifest themselves in their children, grandchildren, and sometimes even great-grandchildren. A person does not realize the nature of these feelings, he perceives them as his own, as he often simply grows up in their "field", absorbs them with mother's milk. And only as adults, we begin to suspect that something is wrong here. Many of these feelings are familiar, they visit us as if spontaneously and are not connected with the events that are currently taking place around us. Sometimes the intensity of the feelings we experience is so great that we are aware of the inadequacy of our reaction, but often, alas, we cannot do anything “with ourselves”. We tell ourselves that next time this will not happen again, but once we loosen control, everything repeats again.

It is also difficult for a psychologist or psychotherapist, if he has not undergone systematic training, to understand the nature of the adopted feelings. And if you do not understand the cause of the problem, you can work with it for years. Many clients, not seeing the result, leave everything as it is, suppressing the feeling, but it will reappear already in one of their children. And it will appear again and again until the source and addressee of the adopted feeling is found in the family system.

For example, a woman’s husband died early due to some circumstances, and she is sad for him, but does not openly show her sadness, because she thinks that this will upset the children. Subsequently, this feeling can be adopted by one of her children or grandchildren. And the granddaughter of this woman, from time to time experiencing “unreasonable” sadness in relation to her husband, may not even guess about her true reason.

Another topic that is often heard in systemic work is the contradictions between the individual and the family (system). Bert Hellinger calls this work with the boundaries of conscience. It is generally accepted that conscience is exclusively individual quality. But it is not so. In fact, conscience is formed by the experience of previous generations (family, clan), and a person belonging to a family or clan is only felt. Conscience reproduces in subsequent generations those rules that previously helped the family to survive or achieve something. However, the conditions of life are changing rapidly, and modern reality requires a revision of the old rules: what helped before, today becomes a hindrance.

For example, the conscience of many Russian families keeps a "recipe for survival" in times of repression. We remember from history what fate befell many bright and extraordinary personalities. In those difficult years, in order to survive, a person had to not stand out, to be like everyone else. Then it was justified and entered into the "memory bank" of the family as a rule. And conscience follows its implementation. Today, the same mechanism continues to operate and leads to the fact that a person does not realize himself as a person. Conscience blindly controls us with feelings of guilt and innocence, and a person from a family that has experienced fear of reprisals will experience inexplicable discomfort (feel guilty) if he seeks to realize himself. And vice versa, he will feel comfortable if he does not strive for anything. Thus, personal aspirations and the conscience of the family come into conflict. And if you do not take into account the past of the family, it is difficult to understand why this is happening.

Separately, I would like to say that B. Hellinger points out the path to the spiritual that is accessible to many. After all, liberation from the adopted feelings is tantamount to the end of the struggle in the soul of a person, and he begins to live his own life, to realize his own goals. And accepting a sense of humility and gratitude to parents, one's family and clan provides a reliable rear and allows us to use the accumulated tribal resources and energy to achieve these goals, which greatly increases our chances of success. This gives us the opportunity to explore new horizons of life, gain new experience, discover new opportunities. And in case of failure, our loving family provides us with a “safe haven” where we can heal wounds and restore strength so that we can again sail through the vast expanses of life.

The method of family constellation allows you to return to the past and relive the feelings that our ancestors experienced. It provides an opportunity to impartially look at what happened, restore their dignity to our ancestors and see the solution to the problems that we are experiencing now. Constellations will help you understand relationships with loved ones, improve them, avoid mistakes and, maybe, make your life a little happier.

Mikhail Burnyashev, PhD, family therapist

Practicing a phenomenological approach, Hellinger points to various aspects of conscience, which acts as an "organ of balance" with which we are able to feel whether we live in harmony with our system or not.

The key words in Hellinger's family therapy are conscience and order. Conscience guards the order of living together within the framework of personal relationships. Having a clear conscience means only one thing: I am sure that I still belong to my system. And "unquiet conscience" means the risk that I may no longer be allowed to belong to this system. Conscience reacts not only to the right to belong to the system, but also to the balance between the amount that the individual gave to other members in his system and what he received from them.

Each of these functions of conscience is guided and exercised by different feelings of innocence and guilt. Hellinger highlights an important aspect of conscience - conscious and unconscious, unconscious conscience. When we follow a conscious conscience, we violate the rules of a hidden conscience, and although according to a conscious conscience we feel innocent, a hidden conscience punishes such behavior, as if we were guilty.

The conflict between these two types of conscience is the basis of all family tragedies. Such conflict leads to tragic entanglements that cause serious illness, accidents and suicides in families. The same conflict leads to a number of tragedies in the relationship between a man and a woman - for example, when relationships between partners are destroyed, despite the strong mutual love that exists between them.

Hellinger came to these conclusions not only through the use of the phenomenological method, but also due to the great practical experience gained during the constellations of families.

An amazing fact gained by participating in the constellation is the fact that the emerging force field or "ruling knowing Soul" finds solutions that are far beyond what we could come up with on our own. Their impact is much stronger than what we could achieve through planned actions.

From the point of view of systemic family therapy, feelings, thoughts, and actions of a person are determined by the system. Individual events are determined by the system. Our ties are expanding in increasing circles. We are born in a small group - our own family - and this determines our relationship. Then other systems come and, in the end, it is the turn of the universal system. In each of these systems, orders operate differently. The conditions we have been given for a good relationship between parents and children include the following: attachment, balance between giving and taking, and order.

Attachment is the first basic condition for a relationship to develop. Primary love, attachment of a child to parents.

Balance "give" and "take".

Relations between partners can develop normally, if I give something to you, you return a little more as a token of gratitude, in turn I also give you a little more, and so the relationship develops cyclically. If I give too much and you can't give me that much, then the relationship falls apart. If I don't give anything, they also fall apart. Or vice versa, you give me too much, and I can’t give you back so much, then the relationship also breaks up.

When balance is impossible.

This balancing of "giving" and "taking" is only possible between equals. Between parents and children, it looks different. Children cannot return anything of equal value to their parents. They would love to, but they can't. Here there is such a gap between "take" and "give", which cannot be eliminated. Although parents receive something from their children, and teachers from their students, this does not restore balance, but only softens the lack of it. Children are always indebted to their parents. The way out is for children to pass on what they received from their parents, and first of all to their children, that is, to the next generation. At the same time, the child takes care of his parents as much as he sees fit.

As an example, we can cite a Georgian parable:

The mother eagle raised three chicks and is now preparing them for flight. She asks the first chick: "Will you take care of me?" “Yes, mother, you took care of me so well that I will take care of you,” the first chick replies. She releases him, and he flies into the abyss. The same story with the second chick. The third replies: "Mom, you took care of me so well that I will take care of my children."

compensation in the negative.

If someone harms me, and I harm him exactly the same, then the relationship ends. Biblical eye for an eye. But if I do him a little less, then this is due not only to justice, but also to love. Gospel: If you are hit on the cheek, turn the other one. Sometimes getting angry is necessary to save a relationship. But here it means to be angry with love, because these relationships are important to a person.

In order for the relationship to continue, there is a rule: in a positive attitude, out of precaution, they return a little more, in a negative attitude, out of precaution, a little less. If parents do something bad to children, then children cannot return, do harm to them as compensation. The child has no right to this, no matter what the parents do. The gap is too big for that.

However, it is possible to solve the problem at a higher level. We can overcome this blind compulsion to balance through the bad with the help of a higher order, namely one of the orders of love. Not just love, but a higher order of love, within which we recognize both our own fate and the fate of another, beloved person, as two different fates independent of each other and submit to both of them with humility.

In the process of arranging the family, Hellinger restores balance, the order that was disturbed in the system. In doing so, he describes the existing orders:

1. Accessories. Members of the same genus, whether living or deceased, generally include:

The child and his brothers and sisters;

Parents and their brothers and sisters;

Grandmothers and grandfathers;

Sometimes even one of the great-grandparents.

In addition, stillborn children, unborn children due to miscarriage or abortion may belong to the parental system.

Victims usually belong to the perpetrator's system and vice versa.

In order for a personal relationship to develop successfully, three conditions must be met: affection, a balance between giving and taking, and order.

All belonging to the same genus have an equal right to belong, and no one can and has no right to deny them this. As soon as someone appears in the system who says: "I have more rights to belong to this system than you", he disturbs the order and brings discord into the system. If, for example, someone forgets a sister who died early or a stillborn child, and someone, as if by itself, takes the place of a former spouse and naively proceeds from the fact that he now has more rights to belong than the one who vacated a place, then he sins against the order. Then it often affects in such a way that in one or the next generations someone, without noticing it, repeats the fate of the person who was deprived of the right to belong.

Thus, belonging is violated if a person is excluded from the system. How can I do that? You can go to a psychiatric hospital, write a waiver of parental rights, divorce, abortion, emigration, missing, lost, dead and forgotten.

The main fault of any system is that it excludes someone from the system, although he has the right to belong to the system, and all the above members of the genus have the right to belong.

2. Integer law. Any individual member of the system feels whole and complete if all those who belong to his system, to his family, have a good and honorable place in his soul and heart, if they retain all their dignity there. Everyone should be here. The one who cares only about his "I" and his narrow individual happiness, feels incomplete.

A classic example, related to my patients from incomplete families. In Russian culture, it is accepted that after a divorce, children most often remain with their mother. At the same time, the father is, as it were, excluded from the system, and often the mother tries to erase him from the child's consciousness. As a result, when a child grows up, he knows little about his own father, who has lost the right to belong to his system. The situation may also be aggravated by the fact that the stepfather will try to claim the place of the father in the soul of the child. Usually, such children are constrained and unsure of themselves, weak-willed, passive, have difficulty in communicating with people. The feeling from such a patient that he has little energy to achieve something in life, this energy should have come from his own father and his family, but it is blocked.

Hence the task of psychotherapy: to find a person against whom an injustice has been committed, and to restore it, to return him to the system.

3. Law of Priority of Earlier. Being is determined by time. With the help of time it gains rank and structure. Who appeared in the system earlier, has an advantage over those who come later. Therefore, the parents go before the children, and the first-born - before the second-born. The first partner has an advantage over the second.

If a subordinate intervenes in the area of ​​​​a superior, for example, a son tries to atone for his father’s guilt or to be the best husband for his mother, then he considers himself entitled to do what he has no right to, and this person often unconsciously reacts to such arrogance with the need for collapse or death. Since this is mostly out of love, it is not recognized by us as guilt. Such relationships always play a role where there is a bad ending, such as when someone goes crazy, commits suicide, or becomes a criminal.

Suppose a man and a woman have lost their first partners and both have children, and now they marry and the children remain with them in a new marriage. Then the husband's love for his children cannot go through the new wife, and the wife's love for her children cannot go through this husband. In this case, love for one's own child from a previous relationship takes precedence over love for a partner. This is a very important principle. You can’t be attached to this as a dogma, but many violations in relationships when parents live with children from previous marriages occur because the partner begins to be jealous of the children, and this is unjustified. Priority for children. If this order is recognized, then everything in most cases develops successfully.

The right order is almost intangible and cannot be proclaimed. It is something other than a game rule that can be changed. The orders are unchanged. For order, it doesn't matter how I behave. He always stays in place. I can't break him, I can only break myself. It is set for a long or short term, and obeying the order is a very humble performance. This is not a limitation. It is like you are entering a river and it is carrying you. In this case, there is still a certain freedom of action. It is something different than when the order is proclaimed.

4. Hierarchy of family systems. For systems, subordination is the opposite of hierarchical order in developed relationships. The new system takes precedence over the old one. When a person creates a family, his new family has priority over the spouses' families. This is how experience shows.

If a husband or wife, while they are married, has a child by another partner, then he or she must leave this marriage and move in with a new partner, no matter how hard it may be for everyone. But the same event can also be viewed as an extension existing system. Then though new system and appears last and the partners must remain in it, in rank this system is lower than the former. Then, for example, the former wife has priority over the new one. However, the new one replaces the old one.

5. Tribal conscience. Just as a personal conscience monitors the observance of the conditions of attachment, balance and order, so there is a tribal or group conscience, that instance that protects the system, is in the service of the clan as a whole, ensures that the system remains in order or comes into order, and avenges violations of order in the system. It operates in a completely different way. While the individual conscience manifests itself through feelings of comfort and discomfort, pleasure and displeasure, the tribal conscience is not felt. Therefore, it is not feelings that help to find a solution here, but only recognition through comprehension.

This tribal conscience takes care of those people whom we have excluded from our soul and our consciousness, either because we want to oppose their fate, or because other members of the family or clan have been guilty before them, and the guilt has not been named and certainly not accepted. and not redeemed. Or maybe because they had to pay for what we took and received without thanking them for it or not giving them their due for it.

6. Love and Order. Many problems arise because we believe that we can get the better of the order that reigns in families through internal reflection, effort, or love - for example, as the Sermon on the Mount instructs. In fact, order is the principle on which everything is built, and does not allow itself to be replaced by love.

Love is part of the order. Order was established before love, and love can develop only within the framework of order. Order is the first principle. Every time a person tries to reverse this order and change the order with love, he fails. It's unavoidable. Love fits into a certain order - where it can develop, just like a seed falls into the soil - a place where it can germinate and develop.

7. Intimate sphere. The child should not know any intimate details of the love affair of the parents. It is none of his business, nor does it concern third parties. If one of the partners tells someone about the details of his intimate life, then this is a violation of trust, leading to bad consequences. First of all, to the destruction of communication. Intimate details belong only to those who enter into this connection. For example, it is unacceptable for a man to tell his second wife the intimate details of his relationship with his first wife. Everything that belongs to the intimate relationship between a man and a woman must remain a secret. If parents tell everything to their children, it turns out to be bad consequences for children. So, in the event of a divorce, the child is confronted with a fact, and the reasons do not concern him. You can't force a child to choose which parent to live with. It's too heavy a load for him. It is better when the child stays with the parent who respects the partner more, as he will be able to transfer this love to the child.

If the mother had an abortion, then the children should not know anything about it. This is part of the intimate relationship of parents. As for the therapist, he, too, needs to be told only that which would not drop the dignity of the partner. Otherwise, the connection will be destroyed.

8. Balance. The system seeks to equalize the balance: the children are the first to strive to equalize it. They seek to protect or start to get sick. The disease often represents an excluded family member.

When the balance is badly aligned, we understand where love goes: love leaves, and it is directed to another object.

9. incest. For example, the wife did not say goodbye to the first partner in the shower, so the husband is lonely. Then the daughter says: I love you so much that I will replace your mother. Incest occurs. If the patient complains about his father or mother, then first you need to restore the figure of the parent in his eyes.

There are three opportunities for a family member to balance the balance with love:

1. I love you so much that I'm leaving for you.
Thus, a client with bronchial asthma said that she was three years old when her father fell ill, first with the flu, then with pneumonia, and, in the end, died of pneumonia. After that, she also fell ill with the flu and pneumonia and ended up in intensive care with an attack of bronchial asthma.

2. I love you so much that I'm leaving instead of you. Better me than you.
For example, a daughter cannot accept the idea that her mother will soon die and dies herself before her mother.

3. I love you so much that I will atone for your guilt.
The tribal conscience seeks to restore balance by caring for those who have been excluded from the system, those who are misunderstood and forgotten, those who have not been given their due, and those who are dead.

If someone who belongs to the system, or someone who should belong to it, is for some reason excluded from it, if he is denied the right to belong because others despise him or do not want to admit that he gave place appeared later or that they still owe him something, then the tribal conscience chooses for itself someone innocent from those born later, who, under its pressure, imitates this person by identification, and imitates conscientiously. He didn't choose it for himself, he doesn't notice it, and he can't resist. He thus reanimates someone else's fate, the fate of the one who was excluded, and once again loses this fate with all its guilt, innocence and unhappiness, with all feelings and everything that belongs here.

Another situation that becomes the main cause of violations at the individual level is "interrupted movement towards ...". This is a situation in which a person in childhood was stopped in his movement to some person (most often this is the mother). This may be due to a hospital stay or separation due to other reasons, or to events that were associated with a strong sense of rejection.

And when, as an adult, this person goes to someone, that is, is in "movement towards ...", at some point memories of that situation rise in him, even if just as a bodily memory, but he reacts with those feelings and symptoms as in childhood. For example, bronchial asthma is often a manifestation of an interrupted movement to the mother, and when an asthmatic has a threat of losing a loved one, often a lover (lover), he reacts with a severe attack of bronchial asthma and ends up in intensive care.

It could also be headache, convulsions, or making important decisions to your detriment (for example: "I will never show weakness again," or "It still won't help"). Instead of continuing the "movement towards..." until it reaches the goal, the person steps back and begins to move in a circle until he returns to the same place. This is the secret of neurosis. When such a person goes into feelings, he has the voice of a child, and then you can ask how old this voice is. This is usually an early unconscious trauma.

The solution here is for this person to become that child again, and already, being that child, complete the then interrupted "movement to ...". At this point, the client acquires a decisively new experience, and it is much easier for him to succeed in subsequent "movements to ...".

These, and many other topics, are best dealt with and resolved by practical participation in system-family constellations according to Helinger.

Literature:

B. Hellinger. Orders of Love. Resolution of family-systemic conflicts and contradictions. M., Publishing House of the Institute of Psychotherapy, 2001.

B. Hellinger. Orders of Love. How life and love work together. Institute of Consulting and System Solutions, 2007

The article was prepared on the basis of materials found in the public domain on the Internet.

Hellinger Systemic Constellations (or simply "constellations") are short-term psychotherapy. To solve a problem, a person does not need to go to a psychotherapist for months and years. Everything that is needed to solve the problem occurs within one constellation in one and a half to two hours. This is a huge advantage of the method. The constellation quickly falls into such deep layers of the subconscious, where ordinary psychology makes its way for years or never makes its way.

But the processes themselves, launched by the arrangement, of course, take much longer than an hour and a half. And you need to understand how to live these processes correctly.

The following partly explains what is happening in the constellations and helps to put it in your soul and in your head. But these are not absolute axioms, not mathematics and physics. These are subtle matters, sometimes even difficult to describe in words. Other constellators may work from a different picture of the world, they may have a different vision of processes. They may give different explanations and recommend completely different things. Please keep this in mind.

So, what you need to know a person who wants to make himself an arrangement.

Constellations are, first of all, field practice. Everything that happens in constellations happens in the field and through interaction with the field. They call it differently - the information field of the Earth, energy-informational, morphic, morphogenetic, noosphere, etc. The essence does not change.

This field has many properties known and unknown to us. One key is that there is no time for the field. Everything in it is happening right now.

After the arrangements, wet napkins remain, filled with tears of long-dead people. We can get to the maternity hospital, where right now the mother is giving birth to our client. Captive soviet soldier right now in front of us is trying to escape from a German concentration camp, and an adult woman in her arrangement meets herself, a two-year-old girl who is crying right now because she is being sent to her grandmother.

This fact must be taken into account when making an arrangement for yourself.

Strong (emotionally rich) events in the subtle world are smeared (duplicated, resonate) at other points of space-time. From them waves diverge into the past and the future, like circles on water. And it can help us a lot if we consider as a constellation not only the one and a half hours that it physically takes place in the group, but a larger time interval.

Several times I saw future constellations in a dream, not knowing anything about requests or about the clients themselves. I carried out constellations in a dream, and then I repeated exactly the same thing in real life. That is, in some spheres of being, the process has already taken place, and the result is known long before the actual physical event.

In general, everything has already happened, but not everything has happened yet.

Before arrangement

When does the alignment start?

Apparently, it begins at the moment when the client signs up for the arrangement. From a phone call to me or the organizer of the group. At this moment, the therapist-client energy connection is established for the first time. On the subtle plane, their interaction begins. Processes are launched in the field related to the client's intention to solve their problem.

From this moment on, it is necessary to pay attention to possible manifestations in the surrounding space of signs that may relate to the future arrangement.

Mom suddenly remembered and told some family story. A distant relative called, about whom everyone has already forgotten. The former showed up, it is not clear what he needed. An old photograph was found that had fallen out of a family album behind a closet. They threw out the garbage from the mezzanines, and I found my old medical card from the children's clinic, and read that, it turns out, in my childhood I had this, but I didn’t know. On the night before the arrangement, I had such a strange dream. Well, and so on ...

Space can manifest some things, and it would be good to notice them.

I do not urge you to start looking for mysticism in everything and to hear the voice of the Lord in every phone call. It is not at all necessary that something will happen at all, and if it does, healthy skepticism will not hurt here either.

But I do know that these things happen. I have a lot of experience and serious statistics that cannot be ignored.

So just be in the flow and pay attention to the prompts of the universe. Remember dreams, pay attention to signs. And if it is important for your soul to convey some information to you, it will find a way to do it.

During placement

All that the client needs during the constellation is to be conscious and in contact with what is happening. To understand that everything that happens is safe, everything is done for him, and all the people in this room are now here to help him.

Of course, you need to trust both the therapist and what is happening.

Since a person is sitting in a client's chair, it means that there is already trust in the therapist.

There will also be trust in the group. I always voice the confidentiality rule before starting. Nothing that we learn in a group can be taken outside the group. No stories can be discussed with anyone and ever. Everything that happened in this room will forever remain in this room.

If you came with a relative or friend, but do not want his presence at your constellation, we will ask him to come out for the duration of your work.

It must also be remembered that becoming a client is not going to be shot. It's just a desire to finally solve your problem. No one can or will force you to do anything. At any time, you can ask to stop the arrangement, if you have had enough. Or if the process is going where you don't want to go. Or for any other reason. It is necessary to tell it to me, I will give, if necessary, time will end for some movements, some energies to pass, and I will complete the constellation in a safe place.

After arrangement

Just as the constellation sometimes begins long before everyone has gathered for the constellation group, so it can end long after its physical end in the hall.

I will describe the most common options for what can happen after the placement. And some general recommendations- what to do with it.

For example, as a result of the arrangement, you get access to a huge amount of energy. They opened the birth canal for you, removed someone else's load, brought you out of the interweaving with someone else's fate, etc.

You come home with a sea of ​​energy that has not been there for a long time (or rather, never at all).

With this energy, you can do useful things for which it was not enough before. Launch a project, learn to draw, make repairs, fall in love...

This state will not last forever, most likely you will smoothly return to your standard energy level. There will be a sense of belonging, a sense of peace, the completion of something.

Be prepared for the fact that around you will appear those who want to "eat" this energy. Relatives, friends, passengers in public transport and colleagues at work - all these people are created by the Lord so that we do not have too much energy. Therefore, do not delay with the planned plans and deeds - do them faster ... this state will not last long. However, if you are generous with your soul, share this energy, but mostly with your loved ones and loved ones… unless you want to save and make the whole World happy.

It may have the opposite effect. You don’t want to go anywhere, you don’t have energy, you just want to lie on the couch, not see anyone, sleep or watch stupid TV shows.

This is also very good, which means that the energy from the arrangement did not go outside, but inside. It will be used for internal transformations. Changes in the deep energy and mental structures of a person are sometimes energy-consuming processes, and it would be nice to give them the opportunity to go smoothly and environmentally.

This state will also not last long. This is the state of a caterpillar that has pupated before becoming a butterfly. Important processes are taking place under the outer shell, help them, try not to interrupt them. Pupate, dedicate a week to yourself, get some sleep, don't answer the phone, don't go to parties.

Also be prepared for the fact that relatives and friends will make efforts to pull you out of this. Take care of yourself, let the processes complete.

After placement, it may be unstable emotional condition. You will want to cry or laugh out of the blue, feelings and memories will come flooding back. Constellations work with repressed and blocked emotions and feelings, unpack them and bring them out. Quite deep layers are rising, and not everything can be fully lived and completed in an hour and a half of arrangement. Something will emerge and survive after it. Be ready for it, be in touch with it, let the feelings and emotions come and go.

Arrangement of internal parts

If in the constellation we worked with personal history, with your personal trauma, then as a result you will get access to your lost, cut off parts. You will connect with your subpersonality split off in the distant past and with everything that was in it.

These are not always easy processes. Together with her, you will connect with memories, qualities, states, and energies that you have long forgotten about, or maybe did not know about. You will connect with yourself, the one you have long lost.

I have received several times feedback from clients that they received a new body in the constellation. It may not be so literal, but with serious work with a deep psychotrauma, the elimination of a deep intrapersonal split can really feel like getting a new, young body.

It takes time to integrate all of this. Talk internally more often with that part of yourself that we found in the constellation, communicate with it. Ask her what she wants and give it to her.

For example, lost child parts want some childish joys. Go on rides, eat ice cream, feed ducks, play with other kids. Go there, walk your inner child.

Adult parts may want some adult joys that they were deprived of. If possible, give them what they ask for.

Try to make contact with this newfound part of yourself and promise it that you will never leave it again. Befriend her.

Gradually, in front of your inner eye, she will cease to be a separate person. It will merge with you, integrate, splitting will completely disappear, and you will become whole.

Here, too, you can access energy. But it will no longer be a channel and flow, not generic, and it will be your personal energy that has been blocked for many years. It may feel different. From this new energy there can be an overstrain of the body, temperature, trembling, aches, something else. Help your body integrate and process this energy package. Yoga, massage, gym, bath, swimming and other bodily things will help here.

Arrangement of disease or symptoms

There are no exact schemes of what and how will happen to your symptom. We are working with the subconscious, with the soul, and we do not know exactly what path the healing will take. There are several main options.

1. Everything goes by itself. They were just symptoms in the body, like headaches. Your symptom was related to some kind of energy, emotion, feeling (yours or not) somehow ending up in your body. In the constellation, either this energy is simply discharged, or it is the owner, to whom it actually belongs. The body so manifested what lived in it.

In these cases, the symptoms usually disappear immediately after placement. They were caused by energy constructs present in the body. If we cleanly removed them, the disease disappears instantly.

Once a girl came to my group, straight from the hospital, in which she lay with sinusitis and complications from it. The next day, she was scheduled for an operation, to drill her skull and pump out something. She wanted to have time to make a constellation so that she could increase the likelihood of a good outcome of the operation. After the arrangement, all her symptoms immediately disappeared, the sinusitis disappeared by the evening of the same day, she did not return to the hospital anymore, she asked her mother to go pick up her things.

1. We need to help the body. In the constellation, we removed the cause that caused this disease. As long as there is a subconscious cause of the disease, psychosomatics, it cannot be cured. Illness is the tip of the iceberg, a small part big story. The soul will stand guard and make sure that the disease remains - this is a reminder of something important. In the constellation, we work with a large, underwater part of the iceberg. If the causes are removed, then the disease has no basis, the body recovers itself. Or the disease is already successfully treated by standard methods.

Now you just need to help the body recover. Maybe drink vitamins, homeopathy, something else. Maybe those medicines that did not work will now work well, and everything will be cured.

We have changed the configuration of the field, now something can happen in your life, you will see some kind of opportunity, a new way, you will find a person, a doctor, a healer who will cure it for you.

I had a client - chronic problems in gynecology, which for 15 years could not be cured by any doctors and medicines. They set her up. Randomly met her in the city a couple of months later.

"How," I ask, "are you doing? Did the alignment help?"

"No," he replies, "your constellations don't work."

"It's a pity," I say. "So, the problems remain?"

"No, it's over."

"How so, - I ask. - Say that they do not work."

“Yes,” she answers, “the arrangement didn’t work. But after the arrangement, I went to the dacha, where I talked with a neighbor, and she recommended me a herbalist grandmother, who also lives in our village. She cured me with herbs.”

And she, and the neighbor, and the grandmother-herbalist all these 15 years lived in the same village, but this opportunity simply did not exist in the field. Constellations change the field, and the field is already changing our lives.

1. Something happens to the symptom, but it does not go away. Maybe the manifestations of the disease decrease, become weaker, but do not completely disappear. Maybe, on the contrary, things are getting worse. As when a disease is transferred from a chronic form to an acute one in order to cure it, this is how, for example, homeopathy works. In general, you see changes that are uniquely related to the placement. This confirms that the disease is exactly related to what we saw in the constellation, we have changed something, something is happening with the disease, but the symptoms do not completely go away.

It can be the same as in the second option - you need to help the body. Maybe there are some other reasons, several stories were tied to this disease, not only the one that we removed in the constellation. The body shows that we are on the right track, we are digging there, but not everything is done yet.

1. Nothing happens. This happens with serious diseases that significantly spoil your life. This may be an indication that we are dealing with a systemic disease, under which there is a lot of everything, heavy tribal or karmic histories. All this can and should be worked on further, but it would be good to understand that if this is some kind of serious, basic problem in your life, then it may not be possible to solve it quickly.

Transfer of a resource from a genus, resource constellations

This is a separate issue. When in the constellation we come to the fact that the client's problem arose due to the fact that some important resource was not transferred from the generation here, now living. We figure out why it happened, unravel all the tangles, complete the unfinished, and let the ancestors pass on what they want to pass on. In the form of a ritual, the souls of the ancestors convey something to the client.

The girl came to the arrangement with a request - "where is my life, where is my destiny?". She didn't feel like she was living her life. In the arrangement, they came to her grandmother, who carries something important, a resource of the family. This is vital to pass on. In life, my grandmother has been seriously ill for a long time, all relatives have the feeling that she wants to, but cannot leave. In the constellation, we do a ritual, and the grandmother, with relief, hands over to the client something that she calls "magical abilities." And says: "That's it, now I can leave". The field of alignment has calmed down, everything is in harmony.

The grandmother dies next week, the client remains the youngest woman in the family with this "something".

Thus, the ancestors pass on to their descendants abilities, knowledge, vitality, energy, and indeed any resource from the family. In the arrangement, it looks very beautiful and mystical. The client leaves happy and calls back two weeks later with the question: "What now?".

To be honest, I don't know. Maybe there is more to do in life. Go study, train. What didn't work before will work now. What was not capable, now they will be. What was difficult will now be easier. Maybe you still need to receive some initiations, initiations in the real world. Perhaps, in some practices, meditations, try to tune in to what is transmitted. Maybe it will open itself in a few years. Maybe it will never be revealed, it must be passed on and will be revealed in the next generations.

In the arrangement by all those present, such processes are unequivocally assessed as correct. Those who go to constellations know that it is very difficult to do something wrong in the field, to pass it to the wrong place, to the wrong person or the wrong person. But we are dealing with such things, the meaning of which we can not always comprehend. So we can only help to happen what needs to happen, and then just watch.

In conclusion

As a rule, these are simple ritual actions - light a candle, plant flowers, go to a relative's cemetery, buy a toy, visit a church, talk with your child, and the like. Then it is highly recommended to follow these recommendations.

Sometimes, after the placement, you don’t need to do anything - everything is completely completed and closed in the process. Then just put its result into your heart and live your normal life.

Watch dreams - they may contain additional puzzles to big picture. They can supplement or clarify some points of the arrangement.

Mom or grandmother suddenly accidentally remember and tell something from family history- usually something that relates to the arrangement, and that will confirm to you the correctness of what happened in it. We dug a hole in the information field - information pops up, and people related to it can unconsciously catch it.

Relatives, old acquaintances, current and former partners can become more active. Communicate with them based on the new reality that was created in the constellation.

Maybe tell them something that was impossible to say before. Give thanks. Clear something up. Let go if they need to be let go. Accept if they must be accepted. Speak up, recognize what's important.

Probably something that couldn't be said and couldn't be heard before when there were complex dynamics that didn't allow you to communicate normally. After they are filmed in an arrangement, nothing will interfere with your communication.

We complete in the constellation what can be completed in it. Maybe complete in life what needs to be completed in life.

After the arrangement, something unnecessary will leave your life. And something new will come. Not necessarily right away, and certainly not in the way you think and expect.

Everything in the world has momentum. Our feelings, our thoughts, our consciousness too. And the physical world itself around us, our life is reluctant to change the well-trodden track. If they have been moving in the same direction for many years and decades, then it may take time to completely stop and change course.

• Important!

Don't tell anyone about your setup. Treat it as an intimate, mystical process (which, in fact, it is). At the constellation, we take out some kind of important story. We watch it and complete something in it. Then put it back into your soul and into your heart. Let the energy of the constellation go inward, to heal spiritual wounds, and not to talk.

Do not talk about your constellation and those people with whom you dealt with it. Mom, husband, child, ex. You can (and should) say some important things that you understood after the arrangement. Awareness, recognition. Change something in the relationship that the alignment showed. You can do what is important to do after the arrangement, speak out, acknowledge. Just do not tell the process itself. Leave the arrangement inside - then it will retain its strength.

Sometimes the constellation works like magic and magic, and after the constellation, the person immediately wakes up in a new reality. Sometimes the processes of transformation, inside and out, take a while.

In constellations, we are dealing with subtle things, sometimes with such mysterious areas of the human soul that it will not be possible to make any exact guarantees and forecasts. Many processes in our soul will forever remain a mystery to us.

But one thing is certain. Our physical world is a manifestation of the subtle world. Everything first happens in the subtle world, in the energy-informational field, and then it manifests itself here. As above, so below.

And new reality, created in the constellation field, will definitely manifest itself here, in your life. It doesn't happen otherwise.

There are no set-ups that don't work. But sometimes they don't work the way we expected.

Just keep your eyes and heart open and allow what needs to happen to happen.

When thinking about a psychologist, people most often imagine a couch and long conversations.

However psychotherapy session may look different: heap unfamiliar friend to a friend of people who are placed around the room, and the specialist moves between them, listens, rearranges, makes strange phrases speak.

Sounds like theater of the absurd? Yes. But how often everything that is connected with human soul, defies rational explanation, and it is precisely such a "theater" helps put things in order.

This expression is most suitable for describing the method of systemic family psychological constellations according to Hellinger, even if it turns out to be tautologies.

How to make a family genogram? Learn about it from ours.

What it is?

Bert Hellinger is a living psychotherapist, philosopher and theologian.

In his work with man, he departs from strictly scientific methods, which causes some criticism.

He became famous precisely because of his "family constellations".

A psychotherapy session looks like this:: the client talks about his problem, the consultant tries to understand whether it can be solved by constellation and who should be present in it for this.

These are always members of the applicant's family, the only question is who exactly should be represented and who is significant for this problem.

Not, relatives are not collected in one room. Moreover, the following may be significant for the arrangement:

• deceased family members - grandparents;
• unborn children;
• "former";
• people who are personally unfamiliar to a person, for example, a father or mother whom he has never seen;
• non-relatives connected with the family by relations of good and evil (grandfather's deceived business partner, a party member who dispossessed the family, who influenced life choice teacher), life and death (killer of a relative).

Participants in psychotherapy try on the roles of all these people.

They are placed around the room in accordance with these sensations and asked to describe what they experience. The client also enters this system or looks for his place in it.

How does the method work?

From a scientific point of view, this is difficult to explain. Hellinger's technique works on a phenomenological approach, when sensations, experiences become the main ones.

The basis is the process of substitution: the psychotherapist is sure that each person can become a “substitute” for another, express his feelings. How? This is where the unfounded proven knowledge begins.

Someone calls it the information field of the Earth, someone the subtle world, someone astral. The bottom line is that all experiences are reflected, are “recorded” at some other level that cannot be measured with instruments, fixed and described - only felt.

The “substitute” takes over this information flow, which does not disappear even with the death of the one who created it, but is transmitted further, through the channels of the clan.

Children and grandchildren carry a load of mistakes and repressed pain of parents and grandmothers, their unrealized life scenarios.

The arrangement "inserts" the missing links, and the problem can be recognized and corrected.

Key Concepts

Every person has the need to belong to a particular social group, . For this, his personal conscience serves: she makes him such that the group accepts (for example, the child tries to live up to the expectations of his parents so that they will accept him).

When a person does something that does not meet the criteria of personal conscience, something for which he can be rejected, he feels uncomfortable. If his actions lead to his acceptance - happiness. These sensations are the main regulator of behavior.

But there is also a collective conscience: it no longer operates at the level of the individual, but at the level of that same group, system. And it has its own laws:

When these laws are violated, there is.

Example: The woman became pregnant and had an abortion.

For her personal conscience, the right decision was to repress this act, forget the pain and move on with her life.

But violated the law of ownership: the unborn baby already existed and was part of the system, and he was forced out.

The collective conscience makes her feel guilty, and this does not allow her to live in peace: she, since the situation may repeat itself, may subconsciously want to die.

Furthermore, it is passed down through the family: sister close to her, born children may experience the same problems.

The alignment reveals where the problem stems from. Her solution is to restore the law, to accept the traumatic event, to live through it, not to repress it.

The substitute for the unborn child expresses that he feels that he may be moved to his mother so that she comes into contact with him, to take his place.

At the end of psychotherapy sounds permission phrase.

It can be something like: “I love you, baby, although I could not give birth.

You will stay with me forever, I will remember you. Guilt disappears.

There are more high level conscience is spiritual.

Where can they be applied?

The constellation can be used not only in personal problems, but also in any situation where system, team.

With the help of this method they solve problems in business, select personnel, etc.

Can it be used on its own at home?

You can try to arrange the arrangement at home. However it's not the easiest method., many factors must be taken into account.

In the simplest arrangement, which is applicable at home, many participants are not even needed.

Their place is taken "anchors", and the person alternately takes the place of each, reflects his feelings, remembers them, writes them down.

This is how the overall picture is built. You can proceed to the final stage - permutations so that each member of the system is in its place, to permissive phrases and actions.

It is important that the arranger understands how the system and its laws function, which of them is violated, where the feeling of guilt comes from. A detailed study of the relevant literature is required.

What are dangerous?

In fact, during the arrangement, the participant takes on the life and fate of another person, and it's psychologically difficult.

Such an experience can negatively affect his own personality.

Supporters of the theories of the subtle world, astral, etc. go further: they think it is destroy their own energy system taking on someone else's role.

Especially the role of the deceased: supposedly there is a powerful outflow of vitality, "Deputy" may feel weak, numb, dizzy and so on.

To what extent this is true, we do not undertake to judge. Another problem These are permissive phrases and actions.

Sometimes the constellator insists on such a resolution of the conflict, which is not entirely acceptable from a moral and ethical point of view.

For example, he may advise a couple dissolve a marriage in cases where other psychotherapists: allegedly the arrangement indicates only such an opportunity to restore the spiritual.

Is it true that Hellinger is banned in Germany?

Like everything that cannot be reliably verified, measured and recorded, the Hellinger method criticized.

He is accused of excessive mysticism, replacement scientific methods magical rituals.

In addition, ethical questions arise.

In this regard, German psychotherapists argued that method needs to be modified. It all started in 2003, when the German Society for Systemic and Family Therapists admitted in a statement that the method was theoretically useful, but doubted its safety.

A year later, Bert's close friend Arist von Schlippe expressed his disagreement in an open letter. In two months, 200 doctors signed the Potsdam Declaration about system constellations, in which they called for the development of a methodology, but in a different form.

For another three years, Hellinger and his followers argued in open letters. He ended up not coming to the Cologne International Constellation Congress, but the association no longer bears his name.

However, there is no direct prohibition on arrangements.

This type of psychotherapy still in practice and helps to achieve an effect in a short time, but its use faces many moral and ethical issues. It is difficult to predict development.

Interview with Bert Hellinger in this video: