As they say, you cannot live in society and be free from society. And we are all social people, meeting with a mass of other people every day. And every day we all have to deal with the issues of interaction with this mass of other people. And, preferably, such an interaction, after which you don’t feel like a “squeezed lemon”. One of the most common problems of such interaction is foreign aggression.

No one is immune from this, so everyone periodically has to wonder, how to resist someone else's aggression? How not to accept it or how to protect yourself from it?

What should be the position inside so that it simply does not occur to people (even the most notorious "louts") to cling to you and behave aggressively towards you?

Or, if you ask the question in a different way, how do people who rarely encounter the aggression of strangers differ from people who constantly experience its effects on themselves?

I'm not talking about those moments when you are carelessly hurt in line or on the subway, when a cashier who is tired during the day allows herself to talk to you in an annoyed tone, or a person causes aggression by accidentally stepping on his foot.

I am talking about those moments when people purposefully, with full awareness and understanding of what they are doing, behave aggressively towards other people, deliberately “rude”, speak out, push, in general, provoke a person to respond.

I’ll make a reservation right away that never, under any circumstances, aggression appears “just like that” out of the blue, there is always a reason for its appearance. It's just that often this reason is not visible to the naked eye, and a person himself may not realize that he himself is the provocateur of someone else's aggression.

In what form can someone else's aggression manifest itself:

1. in the open. Everything is clear here, these are attacks from absolutely strangers, "rudeness" in transport and on the streets, "grandmother-bulldozers" from the Soviet past, a neighbor - an aggressive drunkard, various kinds of people from the lower social stratum, people who are used to solving their problems in an aggressive way.
2. Hidden. Often friends and girlfriends “on the rights of friendship” allow themselves aggression. All this is expressed in impartial statements, advice that was not asked for, in various kinds of “disservices”. And often this is not realized by the person - the aggressor. He is in full confidence that he is "helping" his friend. All kinds of remarks, statements, criticism, just clinging to a person, seasoned with sauce “I know better how you live and what to do”, and aimed at making the person comfortable with such a “friend”, and doing what he wants .

Also here can be attributed people who consider the rest of the "cattle" not worthy of attention. Such people always and everywhere behave like "kings", do not take into account other people's opinions, but they do this not in an open form, but showing with all their behavior. They just have an unreasonably high sense of self-importance.

In both cases, a person who has been subjected to someone else's aggression feels "drenched in slops", feels guilty for not being able to defend himself, feels humiliated, insulted, "unsettled".

Who are these people who constantly fall under the influence of foreign aggression? Or maybe not constantly, but periodically, and this complicates life.

Firstly, these are people who themselves have a lot of aggression inside, but who have prohibitions on its manifestation. A person realizes this aggression through the release of aggression from other people.

Here you can draw an analogy with people who are afraid of dogs. The dog feels this subconscious fear and bites or barks at just such a person. The same thing happens in the case of foreign aggression. The energy, internal state of a person is such that he “attracts” aggressors into his life. The people around feel, unmistakably single out the one who can be “naughty” by the position of the body, voice, facial expressions, appearance, demeanor, and so on.

Thus life gives feedback. After all, people receive only what they have in themselves, but what they are afraid to admit, or what there are internal, very strong prohibitions.

Suppose a child grew up in an intelligent family, where it was impossible not only to show discontent, to look “wrongly”. And the educational process was aimed at suppressing the individual, all manifestations of discontent, up to a ban on staying in bad mood. This is just one of the examples.

Or families with fathers who are alcoholics, when children, under pain of physical violence, are afraid to anger their father. Imagine a child who grew up under conditions of constant physical abuse and moral humiliation. Such a child, due to his physical weakness in front of an older person, is simply forced to suppress the aggression inside.

Or a child grew up in a family where all problems were solved with the help of shouting, swearing, scolding. And even in adulthood, such a person experiences panic fear, panic, loss before talking in raised tones or rudeness. Up to various phobias.

Many examples can be given, but one thing unites such people.

These people are victims.

The aggressor needs to “drain” aggression, this is obvious, but only to the one who will NOT be able to respond. On the Victim, whose own aggression is suppressed. And since, as a rule, the aggressor inside himself is a Victim (the same suppressed one), he “feels” the same Victim in another person. And even if the Victim starts to “snarl”, then she will do it from the state of the Victim. And it will not lead to any positive result.

Secondly, people who attract aggressors suffer, most often, the so-called "Trauma of the rejected." These are people who themselves seem “too big” in this world, they try to take up as little space as possible in it, they are afraid to seem uncomfortable or interfere with someone. They just psychologically do not allow themselves too much, for example, a higher salary, a more convenient and comfortable place to work, a big house or a car. Liz Burbo talks about this injury in her book. Here's an excerpt:

Being rejected is a very deep trauma; the rejected feels it as a renunciation of his very essence, as a denial of his right to exist. Of all five traumas, the feeling of being rejected appears first, which means that the cause of such a trauma in the life of a person appears earlier than others.

A suitable example is an unwanted child who was born “by chance”. A striking case is a child of the wrong sex. There are many other reasons why a parent rejects their child. It often happens that the parent has no intention of rejecting the child, nevertheless, the child feels rejected for every, even petty, reason - after an offensive remark, or when one of the parents experiences anger, impatience, etc. If the wound not healed, it is very easy to stir it up. A person who feels rejected is biased. He interprets all events through the filters of his trauma, and the feeling of being rejected only intensifies.

From the day the baby feels rejected, it begins to develop a mask fugitive. This mask manifests itself physically in the form of an elusive physique, that is, a body (or body part) that seems to want to disappear. Narrow, compressed, it seems to be specially designed so that it is easier to slip away, take up less space, not be visible among others.

This body does not want to take up much space, it takes on the image of running away, escaping, and all its life it strives to take up as little space as possible. . When you see a person who looks like a disembodied ghost - "skin and bones" - you can a high degree confidence to expect that he is suffering from the deep trauma of a rejected being.

A fugitive is a person who doubts his right to exist; it even seems that it is not fully embodied. Therefore, her body gives the impression of an unfinished, incomplete, consisting of fragments poorly fitted to each other. Left-hand side faces, for example, may differ markedly from the right, and this can be seen with the naked eye, there is no need to check with a ruler. When I talk about an “incomplete” body, I mean those parts of the body where whole pieces seem to be missing (buttocks, chest, chin, ankles are much smaller than calves, hollows in the back, chest, abdomen, etc. ),

Not to be present, so as not to suffer.

The first reaction of a human being who feels rejected is a desire to run away, slip away, disappear. The child who feels rejected and creates a runaway mask usually lives in an imaginary world. For this reason, he is most often intelligent, prudent, quiet and does not cause problems.

Alone, he amuses himself with his imaginary world and builds castles in the air. Such children invent many ways to run away from home; one of them is an expressed desire to go to school.

The fugitive prefers not to be attached to material things, because they can prevent him from running away when and where he pleases. It seems as if he really looks at everything material from the top down. He asks himself what he is doing on this planet; it is very hard for him to believe that he can be happy here.

The fugitive does not believe in his worth, he does not put himself in anything.

The fugitive seeks loneliness, solitude, because he is afraid of the attention of others - he does not know how to behave at the same time, it seems to him that his existence is too noticeable. And in the family, and in any group of people, he is stewed. He believes that he must endure the most unpleasant situations to the end, as if he has no right to fight back; in any case, he sees no options for salvation.The deeper the trauma of the rejected, the stronger he attracts to himself the circumstances in which he is rejected or himself rejects.

And when a person with a "trauma of the rejected" goes out into the street, he often becomes the object of aggression of others. Again, such a person is in the state of the Victim, and people simply “mirror” this state to him.

Thirdly, people who suppress retaliatory aggression in themselves, "swallow" someone else's, do not allow themselves to give an adequate rebuff to the aggressor, are often victims of point, not constant, sudden aggression. For example, many cannot give an adequate rebuff to the boss's aggression. What happens next? A person suppresses a reciprocal aggressive impulse in himself, but this impulse requires compensation, so a person can “break loose” on loved ones in order to compensate for aggression. The one on whom they “broke off” transmits this aggression further until this impulse reaches the source of aggression (that is, the boss). This is how it always happens.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet. -Keene Hubbard

So, we decided who, most often, those people who constantly experience the action of someone else's aggression. Now the natural question is what to do about it.

How to resist someone else's aggression?

1. Understand yourself.

If a Victim “climbs” out of you - so obvious that it attracts aggressors, then you need to understand where this Victim came from. Whether you have “rejection trauma” or origins in your childhood, you need to understand exactly where you blocked your permission to respond and work in this direction. You need to understand that a person has the right to defend himself and respond to someone else's aggression. But it is more desirable to get rid of blockages and traumas, and then people will reflect your new attitude to you. How to do it?

2. Understand that someone else's aggression is not your problem.

These are the problems of the attacking aggressive person. It is HE who needs to “drain” aggression, and you just got in his way, and he wants to take advantage of this. And it is desirable to understand this not from the state of the Victim, but from the state of understanding that the “boor” is restless inside and he needs to put his spiritual excrement somewhere. And he is looking for such a "colostomy bag" in other people. Do you want to be a "colostomy bag"?

The mere understanding of this already contributes to separating you from the state of the Victim, which means it removes the aggressor's appetite for such “tasty” energy for him. After all, a person who behaves aggressively does it purposefully in order to receive the energy of attention directed at him. Separating your state from the state of the aggressor will allow you not to react too violently, which means not to let him recharge with your emotions.

3. Give an answer to the aggressor in an acceptable form.

This item disappears on its own when a person learns to be in a different internal state, the state of "boa constrictor". In the meantime, the recommendations are as follows.

If a person directs aggression at another, then he is subconsciously ready to receive it in response. Therefore, it is necessary to respond to aggression in any case, everywhere and always. Your self-esteem will thank you later. You need to respond to aggression with adequate aggression, you don’t even want to eat, even if it’s not typical for you, even if you know that you will lose time and effort in this conflict. Adequate rebuff consists in an immediate reaction aimed at showing that aggression has been noticed, and you will continue to rebuff if necessary: ​​“Be careful”, “Be careful”, “Talk to me in a polite tone”, “You hurt me” , "Stop yelling at me", and so on. Moreover, this should not be said in a trembling voice, but in a calm, confident tone, if possible looking into the eyes. Show that you do not need conflict, but you can stand up for yourself. No need to be "rude", shout back, you will not achieve anything by this, you will only accept other people's rules of the game on a foreign field. But if a person takes the situation into his own hands, then he controls the situation, and not she manages it. By the way, if you do not answer anything, then this is the same as accepting someone else's rules of the game.

At the same time, the goal of retaliatory aggression is not to get satisfaction and win against the “loud”, to be cool and put him in his place. That is, the goal is not to win in "rudeness". The goal is to not be harmed by aggressive people, to remain inwardly calm and knowing that you were able to stand up for yourself. Do not feel like a "colopymium" afterwards.

All these recommendations are good when aggression directed at you suddenly overtakes you, you are not prepared for this, and you need to react quickly. But all your life you will not walk in a state of “combat readiness”, therefore, in principle, you need to achieve such an internal state when it simply does not occur to people to attack you out of the blue.

What needs to be done for this?

1. Learn to defend your boundaries.

Always and everywhere you need to learn to defend your boundaries. By analogy with the state. A normal state will always severely suppress attempts to violate its borders, both explicit and implicit. Only, unlike the state, the boundaries of a person are more easily controlled by him. And if the border of the state can still be violated and go unnoticed, then if the borders of a person are violated, our built-in self-esteem system will always signal this. This can manifest itself as anger, protest, irritation, for example, when loved ones get into your life without your permission, dissatisfaction is possible, and other manifestations expressed on an emotional level. Basically, everyone has experienced this.

Any person who has violated your boundaries should receive an adequate response. Even the closest people, parents, wives-husbands should know that you will not allow your boundaries to be violated. This does not mean that you should go into swearing and “rudeness”, or a disregard for the requests and criticism of relatives. You can always pick up words, not without reason Russian - great and powerful - and explain what you don't like, that without your permission they are trying to make you convenient for others.

2. Learn to be in a state of balance, calmness. In a "boa constriction" state.

This does not mean at all that if you have been aggressively attacked by another person, then you need to stand in "nirvana" and not react in any way. No, the state of balance means that even if you are silent in response to “rudeness”, not because you suppress aggression in yourself, but because it does not cling to you in any way, and it is so “indifferent” to this aggression that even too lazy to respond. But this is a reason to think, because, as I said, an aggressive impulse does not form out of the blue.

Usually, the internal state of calmness with unreasonable “rudeness” is violated, and if you swallow an insult or suppress reciprocal aggression in yourself, then the internal state of calmness will be violated even more. Therefore, you need to answer, but from a state of balance, NOT a Victim, NOT a “boor”, not because you need to answer, but only so that the aggressor would be silent, and “whatever it was.”

You need to learn to be in a state of "boa constrictor", which, in which case, can bite off your head. And if another person suddenly decides to “merge” aggression on you, then you will no longer be a “rabbit” who is afraid and cowardly. You will be at least an equal “boa constrictor”, and somewhere you will even surpass an aggressive person in terms of energy. And he will understand that you will not let yourself be offended, and will simply bypass you on the “tenth road”.

What NOT to do in case of someone else's aggression?

1. "To be rude", to swear in response. The first place in the “rudeness” competition is far from the best prize. And yes, it is not environmentally friendly.
2. Shut up and "swallow". In this case, consider that you yourself have made an energy breakdown. For a long time you will be indignant and swear “to yourself”, grind this situation inside, getting annoyed with yourself, and blame yourself for not repulsing the impudent one.
3. Keep silent and internally "accept". In this case, you allow your boundaries to be violated by anyone who comes to mind. And it feels like you become a "colopyemnik" that anyone can use.

Once again, I want to repeat that never, under any circumstances, an aggressive impulse arises just like that. If aggression is directed at you, it means that you suppressed it inside instead of responding to it and compensating for this alien aggressive impulse.

And on the aggression suppressed inside, you “pulled” aggression from another person, in order to throw it out and not become a dump of complexes. We can say that this is how the “circle of aggression” works in nature. A person is forced to suppress aggression inside when he cannot give an adequate rebuff, when his boundaries are violated, when there are unprocessed injuries that need to be worked out.

Aggression is the only adequate reaction to one's own helplessness. – Baghdasaryan A

The ideal case for a person is in a “boa constrictor” state, so that it would not occur to others to direct their aggression against you.

The word "aggression" is very often used today in the broadest context and therefore needs serious "cleansing" from a number of layers and individual meanings. Various authors in their studies, monographs define aggression and aggressiveness in different ways:

As an innate human reaction to "defend the occupied territory";

As a setting for dominance;

The reaction of the personality to the surrounding reality hostile to the person;

Aggression is any behavior that threatens or harms others;

For an action to qualify as aggression, it must include the intent to offend or offend, and not just lead to such consequences;

Aggression is an attempt to inflict bodily or physical harm on others.

Theories linking aggression and frustration have become widespread.

In English, the term "aggression" implies a wide variety of actions. When people characterize someone as aggressive, they may say that he usually insults others, or that he is unfriendly, or that he, being strong enough, tries to do things his own way, or maybe that he stands firm in his persuasion, or perhaps without fear, plunges into the maelstrom of unresolved problems.

Currently, the following definition is accepted by most experts:

Aggression is any form of behavior aimed at insulting or harming another living being who does not want such treatment.

Aggressiveness is a stable personality trait - readiness for aggressive behavior. The levels of aggressiveness are determined both by learning in the process of socialization and by orientation towards cultural and social norms, the most important of which are the norms of social responsibility and the norms of retribution for acts of aggression. The interpretation of the intentions of others, the possibility of receiving feedback, the provocative influence of weapons, etc. are also important.

Aggressive behavior is one of the forms of response to various physically and mentally unfavorable life situations that cause stress, frustration, etc. Psychologically Aggressive behavior is one of the ways to solve problems associated with the preservation of individuality and identity, with the protection and growth of a sense of self-worth, self-esteem, level of claims, with the preservation and strengthening of control over the environment that is essential for the subject.

Some aggressive manifestations may be a sign of developing psychopathological personality changes. In the formation of self-control over aggressiveness and restraint of aggressive acts, the development of psychological processes of empathy, identification and decentralization, which underlie the ability to understand other people and empathize with them, and contribute to the formation of an idea of ​​another person as a unique value, plays an important role.

The following types of aggression are distinguished in the scientific literature:

1. Physical aggression (attack) - the use of physical force against another person or object;

2. Verbal aggression - the expression of negative feelings both through the form (quarrel, scream, squeal) and through the content of verbal reactions (threat, curse, swearing);

4. Indirect aggression - actions that are directed in a roundabout way at another person (evil gossip, jokes, etc.), actions characterized by non-direction and disorder (explosions of rage, manifested in screaming, stamping their feet, beating their fists on the table, etc.). d.).

5. Instrumental aggression, which is a means to achieve any goal;

6. Hostile aggression - is expressed in actions, the purpose of which is to cause harm to the object of aggression;

7. Auto-aggression - manifests itself in self-accusation, self-abasement, self-inflicted bodily harm up to suicide.

There is also instrumental aggression, which differs in that the purpose of the action of the subject showing aggression is neutral, and aggression is used only as a means to achieve this goal; as well as reactive aggression, which occurs as a person's reaction to frustration and is accompanied by emotional states of anger, hostility, hatred, etc. Here, affective, impulsive and expressive aggression is distinguished.

Among the forms of aggressive reactions found in various sources, it is necessary to highlight the following:

Physical aggression (attack) is the use of physical force against another person.

Indirect aggression - actions, both in a roundabout way directed at another person (gossip, malicious jokes), and outbursts of rage directed at no one (shouting, stamping their feet, beating their fists on the table, slamming doors, etc.).

Verbal aggression is the expression of negative feelings both through the form (shouting, screeching, quarrel) and through the content of verbal responses (threats, curses, swearing).

Tendency to irritation - readiness to manifest at the slightest excitation of irascibility, harshness, rudeness.

Negativism is an oppositional demeanor, usually directed against authority or leadership. It can grow from passive resistance to active struggle against established laws and customs.

From the forms of hostile reactions are noted:

Resentment - envy and hatred of others, due to a feeling of bitterness, anger at the whole world for real or imaginary suffering.

Suspicion is distrust and caution towards people, based on the belief that others intend to harm.

Based on the foregoing, it can be assumed that aggression and aggressiveness, as a personality trait, is present in every person and manifests itself in one form or another, depending on the level of education and self-control.

In itself, it is unpleasant, and not only to others who are suddenly dipped into negativity, but also to the aggressors themselves. In fact, among the latter there are not so many clinical villains who enjoy splashing violent emotions on other people or objects. Normal people are also capable of such outbursts, but then they experience remorse, try to make amends for their guilt, and at least try to control themselves. Aggression is especially destructive in men, the reasons for this can be so far-fetched and strange that the existence of a problem becomes obvious to all participants in the situation.

Types and types of male aggression

It should be noted right away that negative emotions spilling out is not exclusively a male prerogative. Women are just as capable of being aggressors, they do not follow their actions and words. The paradox is that male aggression is partly considered socially acceptable. Of course, extreme manifestations are condemned, but there are many justifications for such a phenomenon as aggression in men. The reasons can be very diverse - from competition to health conditions.

Two main types of aggression, which are easily identified even by non-specialists:

• verbal, when the negative is expressed in a cry or frankly negative vocabulary;
• physical, when beatings, destruction, attempted murder take place.

With auto-aggression, the negative is directed at itself, manifesting itself as all kinds of destructive actions. The motto of this type of aggression is: "Let me be worse."

Psychologists classify what we are considering into several types according to the following criteria: method of manifestation, direction, causes, degree of expression. Self-diagnosis in this case is practically impossible, since in most cases the aggressor seeks self-justification, does not see and does not want to see the problem, and successfully shifts the blame onto others.

Verbal aggression

External manifestations of this type of aggression are quite expressive. It can be a furious cry, curses and curses. Often they are supplemented by gestural expression - a man can make insulting or threatening gestures, shake his fist, and swing. In the animal world, males actively use this type of aggression: who growls louder, then declares himself as the owner of the territory, it comes to outright fights much less often.

However verbal aggression in men, the causes of which may lie both in mental health and in the pressure of society, is not so harmless. It destroys the psyche of those who are forced to live nearby. Children get used to the abnormal model of communication, absorb the pattern of paternal behavior as the norm.

physical aggression

An extreme form of aggressive behavior, when a person moves from screams and threats to active physical actions. Now it is not just a threatening swing of the fist, but a blow. A man is capable of causing serious injury to even the closest people, breaking or breaking personal belongings. Man behaves like Godzilla and destruction becomes his main goal. It can be either a short explosion, literally for one blow, or a nightmare for many hours, which is why aggression in men is considered the most dangerous. The reasons are called very different - from "she provoked me" to "I'm a man, you can't make me angry."

Asking the question of how admissible this is, it is best to take the Criminal Code as a guide. It says in black and white that bodily harm of varying severity, attempted murder and intentional harm to personal property are all crimes.

Features of unmotivated male aggression

It is conditionally possible to divide manifestations of rage into motivated and unmotivated. One can understand and partially justify the aggression shown in the heat of passion. This is often referred to as "righteous anger". If someone offends the relatives of this man, encroaches on their life and health, then the aggressive response is at least understandable.

The problem is such attacks of aggression in men, the causes of which cannot be calculated at a glance. What got into him? I had just been a normal person, and suddenly they changed it! Witnesses of a sudden unmotivated rage that erupts in any form, verbal or physical, respond approximately like this. In fact, any act has a reason, explanation or motive, but they are not always on the surface.

Reasons or excuses?

Where is the line between reasons and excuses? As an example, we can cite such a phenomenon as the aggression of a man towards a woman. The reasons are often the most common attempts to justify themselves, to shift the blame to the victim: “Why was she late after work? She must be cheating, she needs to be shown the place!” aggression".

Behind such behavior can be both personal hatred for a certain person, and banal misogyny. If a man seriously considers women second-class people, then is it worth being surprised at the vicious attacks against them?

However, outbreaks of aggression can take place not because a man is just an evil type. In addition to far-fetched excuses, there are also serious factors that can be identified and eliminated.

Hormonal background

A significant proportion of aggressive manifestations falls on hormonal imbalance. Our emotions are largely determined by the ratio of the main hormones, a lack or excess can lead not only to violent outbursts, but also to severe depression, to a pathological lack of emotions and severe psychiatric problems.

Testosterone is traditionally considered a hormone not only of sexual desire, but also of aggression. About especially sharp and often they say “testosterone male”. A chronic deficiency leads to an increase in dissatisfaction, makes a person prone to negative manifestations. Outbreaks of aggression in men, the causes of which lie precisely in hormonal imbalances, must be treated. To do this, tests are given for the level of hormones, a disease is detected that has led to violations. Symptomatic treatment in this case brings only partial relief and cannot be considered complete.

Middle age crisis

If such cases were not observed before, then sudden aggression in a 35-year-old man can most often be associated with the Age of maximalism is left behind, and the man begins to weigh whether everything is really decisions taken were correct, wasn't it a mistake. Literally everything falls into doubt: is this a family, is this a woman, is the right direction chosen in a career? Or maybe it was worth going to another institute and then marrying another, or not marrying at all?

Doubts and hesitation, a keen sense of missed opportunities - all this shakes nervous system, reduces the level of tolerance and sociability. It begins to seem that there is still time to change everything in one jerk. Everyone around seemed to agree, they do not understand this spiritual impulse. Well, after all, they can be put in their place by force, since they do not understand good. Fortunately, the midlife crisis passes sooner or later. The main thing at the same time is to remember that periods of despondency are normal, but this is not a reason to break your life.

retirement depression

Second turn age crisis catches up with men after retirement. Women most often endure this period easier - a solid part of everyday worries remains with them. But men who are accustomed to their profession as a central part of the life story begin to feel unnecessary, abandoned. Life stopped, the respect of others turned off along with the receipt of a pension certificate.

Aggression in men after 50 is closely related to attempts to shift the responsibility for a failed life onto others. At the same time, objectively, the man who suddenly caught the demon in the rib is all right, but there is a certain dissatisfaction. At the same time, all sorts of health problems, overwork, lack of sleep can be added - all these factors exacerbate the situation. Aggressive attacks begin to seem like a natural reaction to everything that happens.

Psychiatry or psychology?

To whom to go for help - to a psychologist or immediately to a psychiatrist? Many men are afraid of their aggressive impulses, not without reason fearing to do something irreparable. And it is very good that they are able to relatively soberly evaluate their actions and seek help from professionals. Who is involved in such a phenomenon as aggression in men? Causes and treatment are in the department of the psychiatrist exactly until he confirms that according to his profile the patient has no problems. This is precisely the correct approach to treatment by such a specialist: you can safely make an appointment without fear that you will be “dressed as crazy”. A psychiatrist is first and foremost a doctor, and he first checks to see if any completely physical factors affect the patient's psyche: hormones, old injuries, sleep disturbance. The psychiatrist may recommend a good psychologist if the patient does not have problems that require medical treatment.

First step to problem solving

In many ways, the strategy for solving a problem depends on who exactly makes this decision. Aggression in a man ... What should a woman who is nearby, lives with him in the same house, brings up common children? Yes, of course, you can fight, convince, help, but if the situation develops in such a way that you have to constantly endure assault and risk losing your life, it is better to save yourself and save your children.

On the part of the man, the best first step is to admit that there is a problem. It is worth being honest with yourself: aggression is a problem that must be dealt with first of all by the aggressor himself, and not by his victims.

Possible consequences of aggression and complex work on oneself

We have to admit that in places of deprivation of liberty there are often prisoners who have precisely this vice - unreasonable aggression in men. Reasons need to be eliminated, but excuses have no power and weight. It is worth taking control of yourself, but not relying only on self-control. If the outbursts of rage are repeated, then the reason may lie in a violation of the hormonal balance. It can be overwork, depressive manifestations, as well as social pressure, an unbearable rhythm of life, age-related changes, some chronic diseases. Seeing a doctor is a sure step to help deal with destructive behavior. Separate the reasons from the excuses, this will help outline the initial plan of action, and soon life will sparkle with new colors.

According to A. Bass, the whole variety of aggressive actions can be described on the basis of three scales: physical - verbal, active - passive, straight - indirect. Their combination yields eight possible categories under which most aggressive actions fall (Table 1.1).

Another approach to the classification of aggressive actions is proposed in the works of Russian criminologists I. A. Kudryavtsev, N. A. Ratinova and O. F. Savina (1997), where the whole variety of acts of aggression was assigned to three different classes based on the leading level of self-regulation of behavior and places of aggressive manifestations in overall structure the activity of the subject.

For these reasons the first class are acts of aggression, which are carried out at the level of activity, prompted by appropriate aggressive motives, and self-regulation of behavior proceeds at the highest, personal level. Such activity of the subject is the most arbitrary and conscious, here the individual has the greatest freedom of will, selectivity in the choice of means and methods of action. Accordingly, the choice of aggressive or non-aggressive forms of behavior and its correlation with generally accepted norms is carried out at the hierarchically highest - personal level of self-regulation.

Type of aggression	Examples
Physical-active-direct	Hitting, beating or injuring a person with a firearm or cold weapon
Physical-active-indirect	Laying booby traps, conspiring with a hired killer to destroy the enemy
Physical-passive-direct	The desire to physically prevent another from achieving the desired goal
Physical-passive-indirect	Refusal to perform necessary tasks
verbal-active-direct	Verbal abuse or humiliation of another person
verbal-active-indirect	Spreading malicious slander
Verbal-passive-direct	Refusal to talk to another person
Verbal-passive-indirect	Refusal to give verbal explanations or explanations

The second class, according to researchers, is formed by acts of aggression that are no longer relevant to activities in general, but correlated with the level of actions. The behavior of subjects here is influenced emotional tension, loses motivatedness, and activity is directed by affectively saturated, situationally arisen goals. The leader is not the personal-semantic, but the individual level, where the factors that determine the act are not integral semantic formations and value orientations of the personality, but the individual psychological, characterological features inherent in the subject.

The third class is formed acts of aggression committed by subjects who were in the deepest degree of affect. In these cases, the regression reaches the individual level, while the activity loses not only its expediency, but sometimes has an unordered, chaotic character, manifested in the form of motor stereotypes. The disturbance of consciousness reaches such a deep degree that the subject practically loses the ability to adequately reflect and holistically comprehend what is happening, in essence, the arbitrariness and mediation of behavior is completely violated, the evaluation link, the ability to intellectual-volitional self-control and self-regulation are blocked.

Currently, there are the following generally accepted approaches to the allocation of types of aggression.

Based on the forms of behavior, they distinguish:

• physical- use of physical force against another person or object;
• verbal- expression of negative feelings through verbal reactions (quarrel, shouting) and / or content (threat, curses, swearing).

Based on the openness of the manifestation, there are:

• direct- directly directed against any object or subject;
• indirect, expressed in actions that are directed in a roundabout way at another person (evil gossip, jokes, etc.), as well as actions characterized by non-direction and disorder (explosions of rage, manifested in screaming, stamping their feet, beating their fists on the table, etc.). ).

Based on the goal, hostile and instrumental aggression are distinguished. Feshbach sees the main dividing line between different types of aggression in the nature of these aggressions: instrumental or hostile.
hostile aggression is aimed at the intentional infliction of pain and damage to the victim for the sake of revenge or pleasure. It is maladaptive by nature, destructive.

instrumental aggression is aimed at achieving a goal, and causing harm is not this goal, although not necessarily avoided. Being a necessary adaptation mechanism, it encourages a person to compete in the outside world, protect their rights and interests, and serves to develop knowledge and the ability to rely on oneself.

Feshbach singled out random aggression, to which Kaufman rightly objected, but the latter also doubted the expediency of separating hostile and instrumental aggression.

Berkowitz writes about impulsive aggression proceeding according to the type of affect, which is nothing more than expressive (hostile) aggression according to Feshbach.

H. Hekhauzen, sharing hostile and instrumental aggression, believes that:

“the purpose of the first is mainly to harm another, while the second is aimed at achieving a goal of a neutral nature, and aggression is used only as a means, for example, in the case of blackmail, education through punishment, a shot at a bandit who has taken hostages.”

H. Heckhausen also talks about self-serving and disinterested aggression, and Feshbach (Feshbach, 1971) - about individually and socially motivated aggression.

It should be noted that when differentiating hostile and instrumental aggression, the authors do not offer clear criteria, using only the difference in goals (for what aggression is carried out): with hostile aggression, the goal is to inflict damage or insult, and with instrumental aggression, as Baron and Richardson write:

“For individuals who display instrumental aggression, harming others is not an end in itself. Rather, they use aggressive actions as a tool for the fulfillment of various desires.

But is desire absent in hostile aggression?

As a result, in characterizing instrumental aggression, Baron and Richardson come into conflict with themselves. Then they write that instrumental aggression. characterizes cases when aggressors attack other people, pursuing goals that are not related to causing harm”, then they write that instrumental aggression harms a person:

“The non-harmful goals behind many aggressive actions include coercion and self-assertion. In the case of coercion, evil may be inflicted with the aim of influencing another person or "getting your own way."

The apotheosis of confusion in the characterization of instrumental aggression can be considered the following example given by Baron and Richardson:

“A striking example of instrumental aggression is the behavior of teenage gangs that roam the streets of large cities in search of an opportunity to pull out a wallet from an unsuspecting passerby, take possession of a wallet or rip an expensive piece of jewelry from a victim. Violence may also be required when committing theft - for example, in cases where the victim resists. However, the main motivation for such actions is profit, and not causing pain and suffering to the intended victims.

In addition, according to Bandura, despite the differences in goals, both instrumental and hostile aggression are aimed at solving specific problems, and therefore both types can be considered instrumental aggression, and in fact he is right. The difference between the distinguished types is that hostile instrumental aggression is caused by a feeling of hostility, while with other types of instrumental aggression there is no such feeling. But then we must conclude that hostile aggression is a type of instrumental aggression. And if this is so, then the need to single out instrumental aggression (after all, any aggression is instrumental) and its opposition to hostile aggression disappears.

N. D. Levitov also contributed to this confusion by contrasting instrumental aggression with deliberate aggression. But isn't instrumental aggression deliberate? In addition, he peculiarly understands instrumental aggression:

“Instrumental aggression is when a person did not set as his goal to act aggressively, but “it was necessary” or, according to subjective consciousness, “it was necessary” to act.

Based on the reason, they distinguish: reactive and proactive aggression. N. D. Levitov (1972) calls these types of aggression “defensive” and “initiative”. The first aggression is a response to the aggression of another. The second aggression is when the aggression comes from the instigator. Dodge and Koyi suggested using the terms " reactive" and " proactive aggression". Reactive aggression involves retaliation in response to a perceived threat. Proactive aggression, like instrumental aggression, generates behavior (for example, coercion, intimidation) aimed at obtaining (for the aggressor or victim?) A certain positive result. The authors found that boys exhibiting reactive aggression primary school tend to exaggerate the aggressiveness of their peers and therefore respond to apparent hostility with aggressive actions. Students who exhibited proactive aggression did not make similar mistakes in interpreting the behavior of their peers.

H. Heckhausen (2003) writes about reactive or provoked aggression and spontaneous(unprovoked) aggression, by which he means essentially initiative aggression, i.e. pre-planned, deliberate (for the purpose of revenge or hostility towards all teachers after a conflict with one of them; here he also includes sadism - aggression for the sake of pleasure).

In essence, Silmann also speaks of the same types of aggression, distinguishing aggression caused by an irritant, in which actions are taken primarily to eliminate an unpleasant situation or weaken its harmful influence (for example, severe hunger, ill-treatment by others), and aggression caused by a stimulus. undertaken to achieve various external benefits.

A number of studies have found that if people were physically hurt, such as subjected to a series of unprovoked electric shocks, they repaid in the same way: someone who was subjected to a certain number of discharges wanted to repay the offender in the same way. The data also show that the subjects were willing to hit more than they themselves received if they thought they would get nothing for it (for example, because participation in the experiment is anonymous).

In certain circumstances, people tend to "give change big." Paterson (1976) noted that the aggressive behavior of one of the family members is due to the fact that he is thus trying to stop the attacks of another person. Moreover, the scientist found that if the aggression of one of the relatives suddenly increases, the other, as a rule, stops his attacks. Although the gradual escalation of aggressive actions may further inflate the conflict, a sharply increased pressure (“surrender in a big way”) can weaken it or even stop it altogether. Data from other sources are consistent with this observation. For example, when there is a clear threat of getting hit back for aggressive behavior, the desire to attack weakens.

But there is one important exception here. When a person is very angry, the threat of getting back - even a powerful one - will not weaken his desire to initiate a collision.
Frankin R., 2003, p. 363

Based on the focus on the object, auto- and hetero-aggression are distinguished. Aggressive behavior in frustration, it can be directed at different objects: at other people and at oneself. In the first case, they talk about heteroaggression, in the second - about autoaggression.