Dalai Lama XIV

Desmond Mpilo Tutu

Douglas Abrams

In April 2015, the two most joyful people in the world are laureates Nobel Prize The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu of Cape Town met in Dharamsala to celebrate His Holiness’s 80th birthday, look back on years of hardship, and find the answer to one of the most pressing questions: how to find the strength to enjoy life despite the inevitable suffering?

This book is a rare opportunity to witness an unprecedented, amazing meeting, to spend a whole week side by side with two of the greatest spiritual leaders of our time and discover the secret of true joy.

Published in Russian for the first time.

14th Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, Douglas Abrams

The Book of Joy. How to be happy in a changing world

HIS HOLINESS THE DALAI LAMA AND ARCHBISHOP DESMOND TUTU

with Douglas Abrams

Lasting Happiness in a Changing World

Scientific editor Dmitry Kovpak

Published with permission from The Dalai Lama Trust and Idea Architects

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

Instruction on Joy

We met in Dharamsala to celebrate a birthday, mingle like old friends and create something that could be a birthday present for many. What could be more joyful than a birth? And how much time do we spend in sorrow, tension and suffering? We dare to hope that this little book will slightly open the door to the world of joy and happiness.

Hard rock does not determine the future. It is subject only to ourselves. We are able every day and every second to create and reshape our lives and the quality of existence on the entire planet. We do have this power.

The pursuit of a goal or the desire to achieve something has nothing to do with the ability to enjoy life. Wealth and fame also do not bring joy. Joy lives in the mind of a person and his soul, and we hope that you will find it there.

The co-author of the book, Douglas Abrams, kindly agreed to contribute to this project and was a participant in the meeting in Dharamsala for a week. At our request, he combined the spoken dialogues with his own narrative so that readers could learn not only about our vision and personal experience, but also about what scientists and other great minds say about the source of joy.

We don't have to believe at all. On the contrary: do not take our words for an axiom. We, two friends from very different worlds, share with you what we have witnessed and what we have learned over a long life. We hope you will apply our knowledge and then you will understand if there is truth in our words.

Every day everyone gets a chance to start over. Every day is our birthday.

So let this book be a blessing to all conscious people and the children of God, including you.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama Tenzin Gyatso

Desmond Tutu, former Archbishop of South Africa

Foreword

To the deafening roar of jet engines, we exited the plane at a small airport. Behind our backs rose snow-capped peaks Himalayas. The two friends hugged. The moment of greeting was imbued with extraordinary warmth and cordiality. For a whole year we have been preparing for this trip, realizing what the meeting of the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop means for the world. But we had no idea how important this week is for them.

It is a great honor and a great responsibility to tell the world about the dialogues that we had during the week at the Indian residence of the Dalai Lama in Dharamsala. In this book, I will share with you their heartfelt conversations, filled with unceasing laughter and poignant memories of loss and love.

Although they had met five or six times in their lives, they shared a much stronger bond than could have been formed in brief visits. They considered each other "mischievous godbrothers". Before, they had never had the opportunity to spend so much time together, enjoying each other's company. Yes, probably not.

The heavy steps of death inexorably accompanied our conversations. The date of the trip was pushed back twice: the archbishop had to attend the funeral of his peers. Health problems, world politics - circumstances seemed to deliberately interfere with their meeting. Everyone understood that this visit could be the last.

We spent a week under dim lamps arranged so as not to hurt the Dalai Lama's sensitive eyes. We were filmed by five cameras. Trying to understand what happiness is, we have sorted out many deep life questions. The purpose of the search was the source of true joy - a state that does not depend on the vicissitudes of fate and circumstances. We knew that for this we need to analyze the obstacles that make happiness seem elusive. In conversations, the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop gradually outlined the eight foundations of joy. Four are in the mind, four are in the heart. The two great spiritual leaders agreed on the most important things, but on some points they differed, and this shed light on new frontiers. We tried to gather together important knowledge that would help readers enjoy life in an ever-changing world full of pain and suffering.

Every day we drank warm Indian tea and broke bread - Tibetan cakes. The film crew was also invited to daily tea parties and lunches. One morning, the Dalai Lama even invited the archbishop to attend a meditation at his residence, and the archbishop administered communion to the lama, a ritual that non-Christians are not normally allowed to take.

At the end of the week, we celebrated the Dalai Lama's birthday at the Tibetan Children's Village, a boarding school for children who fled Tibet. At home, the Chinese authorities forbid them to study the Tibetan language and culture. Parents send their children through the mountain passes with guides who undertake to take them to one of the Dalai Lama's schools. It is hard to even imagine the pain of parents sending their children away from their home. They realize that they may not see them until ten years from now. Or maybe they won't meet again.

But on that day, more than 2,000 hardened Tibetan students cheered on the Dalai Lama, who was lured by the archbishop, a brisk dancer, to perform a few hesitant dance moves for the first time in his life - despite the fact that the monastic vow forbids lamas from dancing.

The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu are the great spiritual teachers of our time. However, their teaching is not so much religious as moral. It goes beyond religious dogma; in it anxiety is not only for "ours" - for all of humanity. The courage of the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop, their resilience and resilient faith in humanity inspire millions of people. These leaders do not succumb to the fashionable cynicism that is sweeping over us.

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today. Their ability to enjoy life is not superficial and was not easy for them; it is tempered in the fire of conflicts, confrontation and struggle. Their fate is a constant reminder that the joy of life is a right given to us from birth. Joy is a much deeper concept than happiness.

“Joy,” the archbishop said in one of our meetings, “is much more voluminous than happiness. Happiness is often perceived as something dependent on external circumstances. Joy does not depend on them. The Dalai Lama and the Archbishop agree that it is this state of mind and heart that spiritualizes life and fills it with satisfaction and meaning.

Friends talked about what the Dalai Lama called “the goal of life,” the desire to avoid suffering and find happiness. They shared the knowledge of how to live and rejoice, despite the inevitable troubles - knowledge that was not given to them easily. Together we tried to understand how to turn joy from a transient state into a permanent quality, from a fleeting feeling into a lasting way of being.

From the very beginning, this book has been seen as a kind of three-layered birthday cake.

The first layer is the teachings of the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu on joy. Is it possible to maintain joy when we are overwhelmed by everyday adversity - from dissatisfaction with traffic jams to fear of not providing for a family, from anger at those who have treated us unfairly, to the grief of losing a loved one, from the emptiness that accompanies a serious illness to the abyss of despair, coming with death? How to come to terms with the reality of life, without indulging in denial? How to overcome the pain and torment that cannot be avoided? And even if nothing bothers us, how can we live and be happy when so many people around us are suffering? When monstrous poverty deprives people of their future, the streets are flooded with violence and terror, and environmental disasters cast doubt on the very possibility of life on the planet? The first part of the book contains answers to these and many other questions.

The second layer is the newest Scientific research the phenomenon of joy and other qualities that, according to the archbishop and the Dalai Lama, are necessary to feel happy every day. New discoveries in brain science and experimental psychology have led to a deeper understanding of what a person needs to be happy. Two months before the trip, I met with Richard Davidson, a neuroscientist and pioneer in the study of happiness. He conducted laboratory observations of meditation practitioners and came to the conclusion that this activity has a very beneficial effect on the brain. Davidson and I were sitting on the outdoor terrace of a Vietnamese restaurant in San Francisco. The relentless Pacific winds tossed his gray-black hair. We ate spring rolls, and Richard told how the Dalai Lama once admitted that he was very inspired by the latest scientific studies confirming the benefits of meditation - especially when you need to get up early morning, sit down and practice. Since science helps the Dalai Lama, it will help us too.

Spirituality and science are often presented as conflicting forces, one seeking to stifle the other. However, Archbishop Tutu believes in "self-affirming truth" - the moment when different areas knowledge converge in one. The Dalai Lama also emphatically emphasized that this book is not about Buddhism and Christianity; it is universal, and what is stated in it is not just a personal opinion or traditional views, but confirmed scientific data. (By the way, I am a Jew and do not consider myself to any religion. As in a joke: a Buddhist, a Christian and a Jew enter a bar ...)

The third layer of the birthday cake is the story of a week spent in Dharamsala with the archbishop and the Dalai Lama. These chapters are written under the influence of close communication, they are very personal and invite the reader to join our company - from the first hug to the farewell.

At the end of the book you will find several exercises that will help you find and maintain the joy of life. The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu shared their daily practice - the "anchors" of the emotional and spiritual life. This section does not offer a ready-made recipe. happy life, but only introduces thousands of years of techniques and traditional practices that honestly serve the Dalai Lama, the Archbishop and many people who profess Buddhism and Christianity. These exercises will help you make what you read in the previous three sections a part of your daily life.

I have been privileged to work with many of the great spiritual teachers and leading scientists of our time. I helped spread among the people their knowledge of joy and health. (Many of these scholars have generously contributed to this book.) I'm sure my fascination—no, more of an obsession—with the nature of joy goes back to childhood. I grew up in a loving family, but depression lived in the house, hanging like an inevitable black cloud. From an early age, I witnessed this pain, felt it, and I know that a person's suffering is often born in his mind and heart. All my life I have been trying to understand the nature of joy and suffering, and this week in Dharamsala was an amazing, if not an easy, culmination of my search.

Five days I people's ambassador, listened to the conversations of the two most merciful people on the planet. I looked into their eyes. And although I don’t believe in the least in the supernatural sensations that many people allegedly experience in the presence of spiritual teachers, from the very first day I heard a strange hum in my head. I was surprised, but perhaps these were mirror neurons processing the knowledge that these two kind people exchanged in my presence.

Fortunately, I had someone to share the responsible task of transcribing wise knowledge. From the first to last day I was accompanied by Thupten Jinpa, a Buddhist scholar who had served as an interpreter for the Dalai Lama for more than thirty years. For many years he was a Buddhist monk, but he abandoned the monastic habit and preferred to live with his family in Canada. Thanks to his past, he became an ideal translator not only of the language of words, but also of the language of concepts. During the conversations we sat side by side; Jinpa also helped me prepare the questions and translate and interpret the answers. He became my trusted partner and good friend.

I wasn't the only one asking questions. We invited the whole world to do this: anyone could ask about the nature of joy. Although there were only three days to prepare, more than a thousand people contacted us. And surprisingly, the most common question turned out to be not how to find joy for oneself, but how to enjoy life when there is so much suffering in the world.

During this week, I have seen more than once how the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop jokingly shook their fingers at each other, and a minute later they joined their palms in a friendly handshake. Over the first dinner, the archbishop told how they once performed together. Just before entering the stage, the Dalai Lama is a symbol of compassion and peace for the entire planet! - pretended to strangle the archbishop. He turned to his younger godbrother and said, “Hey, we're being filmed! Come on, behave like a holy man!”

The Dalai Lama and the Archbishop remind us that only our daily actions matter. Even the "holy" have to behave accordingly. We imagine them to be serious, stern, pious and restrained. And they prefer to greet the world and each other completely

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The archbishop never claimed to be a saint. The Dalai Lama considers himself a simple monk. Their fate is an occasion to reflect on how these two people managed to find peace, courage and find the joy of life amid the pain and chaos that fills our reality. They can be an example for us. In this book, spiritual leaders try to convey to readers not only their deep wisdom, but also the commonality of human nature. Suffering is inevitable, but how we respond to it is a personal choice. This freedom cannot be taken away by oppression or occupation.

Until the very last minute, we did not know if the archbishop would get the permission of the doctors to fly. The prostate cancer returned and this time did not respond well to therapy. Desmond Tutu is currently undergoing experimental treatment; perhaps with its help it will be possible to resist the disease. But when the plane came in to land in Dharamsala, what struck me most was the Archbishop's excitement at the meeting. Excitement was easily read on his face and, perhaps, a hint of concern, visible behind a wide smile and sparkles in gray-blue eyes.

Douglas Abrams

Arrival. We are fragile creatures

“We are fragile creatures, but natural weakness does not prevent us from discovering the source of true joy, but, on the contrary, helps us to do it,” the archbishop said, taking from my hands his black shiny cane with a silver hound-shaped head. “Life is full of troubles and obstacles,” he continued. “Fear and pain are inevitable, as is death. Take, for example, a recurrence of prostate cancer. That's what really helps to shed all the husks."

We stopped for the night in Amritsar: the archbishop needed to rest, besides, the airport in Dharamsala was open only a couple of hours a day. In the morning we went to the famous Temple of Harmandir Sahib, the sacred place of the Sikhs. The upper tiers of the structure are covered with gold, which is why it is popularly called the Golden Temple. Four doors lead to the gurdwara, which symbolizes the openness of the Sikh religion to all people and beliefs. A suitable place to visit on the eve of an interfaith meeting and a deep philosophical dialogue between representatives of the two largest world religions - Buddhism and Christianity.

We were swallowed up by the crowd of one hundred thousand visitors who come to the temple every day. And then the phone rang. The Dalai Lama decided to meet the archbishop at the airport, a rare honor given to only a few honored guests who come to Dharamsala. We were told that he was on his way. We hurried to leave the temple and returned to the airport. The archbishop rode in a wheelchair; with his head tied with an orange scarf, he somewhat resembled a pirate (all entering the Harmandir Sahib must cover their heads).

Our minibus moved through the crowded streets of Amritsar at a snail's pace. To a symphony of horns, pedestrians, cars, bicycles, motorcycles and animals fought for space on the roadway. Concrete buildings in various stages of unfinished construction lined up on both sides of the road, with rebar sticking out. Finally we got to the airport and boarded the plane. If only those twenty minutes of travel had gone faster: the Dalai Lama was already waiting for us at the runway.

“Alas, even those who know how to enjoy life,” the archbishop continued, when the plane began to descend, “are not immune from adversity and disappointment. We are, perhaps, even easier to upset, but also easier to please. We just begin to feel more acutely what is happening. But, discovering the ability to enjoy life in ourselves, we learn to face suffering without becoming embittered. Suffering ennobles. When we experience adversity, we do not become hardened. Healing mental trauma, we do not feel broken.

I have seen the Archbishop crying and laughing many times. More precisely, I saw laughter more often than tears, but it is really easy to upset him, and he cries often - about unredeemed sins and about the lack of unity. Everything matters to him, and everything reflects on him. He prays for the whole world and all who suffer and need. He also prayed for me. One day, the archbishop's book editor asked him to pray for his sick grandson. A few years later, he again turned to Tut with the same request - the child had a relapse. The archbishop replied that he had not stopped praying for him all this time.

Through the portholes, snow-capped mountains appeared to our eyes - a postcard view of the place of the exiled residence of the Dalai Lama. After the Chinese invasion of Tibet, the Dalai Lama and one hundred thousand of his compatriots fled to India. They found temporary shelter in the lowlands, where mosquitoes and the heat made them sick. Eventually the Indian government allowed the Dalai Lama to settle in Dharamsala; he was immensely grateful for the opportunity to move to the mountains, to a cooler climate. Over time, many Tibetans moved there, longing for the mountain scenery and climate of their homeland. But the main reason for the resettlement was still the desire to be close to their spiritual and political leader.

Dharamsala is located in the northernmost Indian state of Himachal Pradesh. During the colonial period, the British loved to come here to escape the relentless heat of the Indian summer. As we descended over the former British mountain settlement, we saw pine forests and cultivated fields spread out below. The sky on approach to Dharamsala is often overcast with dense storm clouds and fog - this was the case on my last visit. But today we were met by blue skies with transparent cirrus clouds that did not descend below the mountains. Dropping sharply, the plane came in for a landing.

“All our lives we have been tormented by the main question,” the Dalai Lama said before the trip. What is the meaning of human existence? I thought about it for a long time and finally decided: the meaning of life is to find happiness.

“It doesn’t matter if you are a Buddhist like me, or a Christian like an archbishop, belong to some other religion or are not religious at all, from the moment of birth, every person strives for happiness and tries to avoid suffering. This aspiration is independent of cultural differences, education and religious affiliation. With all our being we want joy and we want to be satisfied with life. But joy is often fleeting and hard to come by; she is like a butterfly that sits on us and flies away in a moment.

The main source of happiness is hidden within. Money, power and status have nothing to do with it. I have billionaire friends and they are very unhappy. Power and wealth do not bring peace of mind. What has been achieved in the outer world will not bring true inner joy. It must be sought in the heart.

Alas, many of the obstacles that prevent us from enjoying life and being happy are built by ourselves. Often the reason is the tendency of the mind to negativism, impulsiveness and inability to see and use its internal resources. We cannot escape suffering from

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natural disasters, but we can make sure that small daily problems do not affect us. Most often, we ourselves are the creators of our experiences and, logically, we can be the creators of our own happiness. Everything depends only on perception, the ability to look at things differently, reactions to events and relationships with people. Everyone can do a lot to feel happy.”

As the landing gear hit the ground, we rocked forward; then the plane trembled, rumbled, and soon came to a halt on a short runway. Through the porthole, we saw the Dalai Lama: he was standing on an asphalt platform, hiding from the scorching sun with a bright yellow umbrella. He was wearing his usual crimson robe and a red scarf, from under which peeked out a piece of a saffron-yellow sleeveless monk's shirt. Lama was surrounded by a retinue of airport employees and employees in business suits. Security was monitored by the Indian military in green uniforms.

Journalists were not allowed into the airport. No one was to interfere with this meeting; we were photographed only by the personal photographer of the Dalai Lama. The archbishop limped down the steep stairs; he wore his trademark fishing cap and blue blazer.

The Dalai Lama stepped forward. He smiled and his eyes gleamed behind large square-rimmed glasses. He made a deep bow, the archbishop spread his arms, and they embraced. Then they opened their arms and, holding their shoulders, looked into each other's eyes, as if not believing that they had met again.

“It's been a long time since we've seen each other,” the archbishop said, gently touching the Dalai Lama's cheek with his fingertips. - You look very good.

Still squeezing the archbishop's narrow shoulders, the Dalai Lama pursed his lips as if blowing him a kiss. The archbishop raised his hand, flashing a golden wedding ring, and patted the Dalai Lama's chin like a beloved grandson. Then he approached and kissed him on the cheek. Unaccustomed to kissing, the Dalai Lama shuddered slightly, but immediately laughed with genuine delight. The joyful laughter of the archbishop was not long in coming.

- Don't like kissing? he exclaimed, and kissed the Dalai Lama on the other cheek. And I wondered how many times in his life the Dalai Lama was honored with a kiss: he was taken from his parents at the age of two and raised in an atmosphere of sublime spirituality, far from tenderness.

This was followed by the official ritual of presenting a white scarf - hadak. So in Tibet they greet guests and express respect. The Dalai Lama bowed with his hands folded over his heart, a welcoming gesture symbolizing the oneness of all beings. The Archbishop took off his cap and bowed in return. The Dalai Lama then draped a long white silk scarf around the guest's neck. They whispered, despite the noise of jet engines still humming nearby. The Dalai Lama took the archbishop by the hand, and for a moment it seemed to me that they were both eight years old, not eighty. On the way to the terminal, friends were laughing and joking, hiding under a yellow umbrella.

The archbishop wrapped a white scarf around his neck, but it still hung almost to his toes. The length of the hadak reflects the degree of respect for the honored guest: the longest ones are reserved only for lamas of the highest rank. It was the longest scarf I have ever seen. And the archbishop joked all week that he looked like a hanger: so many hadaks were wrapped around his neck during these days.

We were led into a small room with brown sofas. Here the Dalai Lama whiled away the time waiting for flights that were often delayed or canceled at the Dharamsala airport. Journalists gathered at the entrance to the airport; they lined up along the glass wall and waited for a chance to take a picture or ask a question. It was only then that I fully realized how much this trip significant event. Even, perhaps, historical. All my thoughts were occupied with travel troubles, and I completely forgot that the meeting of the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop is a world-class event.

In the waiting room, the archbishop sat down to rest on the sofa. The Dalai Lama sank into a large chair. Sitting next to the archbishop was his daughter Mpho, dressed in a bright red and green African dress and a turban of the same fabric. The youngest of four children, she followed her father into the priesthood and is now Executive Director of the Desmond and Leah Tutu Legacy Foundation. During our trip, Mpho got down on one knee and proposed to her friend Marceline van Furth. A couple of months after that, the US Supreme Court passed a historic ruling legalizing same-sex marriage. However, the archbishop has supported the rights of the LGBT community for several decades and became famous for his statement: "I will not go to heaven for homophobes." Many - especially those who receive moral censure from him - forget that he is against oppression and discrimination in any form, wherever they occur. Shortly after marriage, Mpho was defrocked - the Anglican Church of South Africa does not recognize same-sex unions.

“I really wanted to come to your birthday party,” the Dalai Lama remarked, “but your government has a claim on me. I remember how dissatisfied you were,” the Dalai Lama said, placing his hand on the archbishop's shoulder. - Thanks.

“Dissatisfied” is putting it mildly.

Actually, the very idea of celebrating the Dalai Lama's birthday in Dharamsala appeared four years ago, when Archbishop Tutu celebrated his 80th birthday in Cape Town. Then the Dalai Lama was invited to the celebration as an honored guest, but the South African government yielded to pressure from the Chinese authorities and refused to issue him a visa. China is one of the main buyers of South African minerals and raw materials.

On the eve of the celebration, the face of the archbishop flashed daily on the front pages of South African newspapers: he criticized the government for treachery and duplicity. It even went so far as to compare the ruling African National Congress with the hated apartheid government. But it was Tutu who fought the old system for decades, helping many members of the current party in power to break out of prison and exile. Now he argued that the Congress was even worse—the apartheid government, at least, committed atrocities in the open.

“I always try to avoid problems,” the Dalai Lama said with a smile and pointed to the archbishop, “but I was glad to know that someone was ready to stir up the water for me. I really was very happy.

“I know,” the archbishop nodded. - You're using me. That's the problem. You're always using me, and I'm not learning anything.

He gently took the Dalai Lama's hand in his.

- Due to the fact that the South African government did not let you into the celebration of my eightieth birthday, the event itself received more publicity than we expected. After all, our conversations were supposed to take place under the auspices of Google, and the interest of the press was huge. However, any of your appearance is always of interest. But I don't envy.

“I remember when we were in Seattle,” Tutu continued, “the organizers were trying to find a venue that would accommodate everyone who wanted to see you. As a result, we stopped at the football stadium. Seventy thousand people came to hear you, and you don't even speak proper English!

The Dalai Lama laughed.

“Nothing funny,” the archbishop replied. “Better pray that I become at least a little

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more popular than you!

When people are ironic like that, it speaks of affection and close friendship. We all look funny sometimes, we all have flaws, but that doesn't make us love each other less. However, the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop were joking more at themselves than at their friend. Their humor wasn't demeaning, but only strengthened their bond.

The archbishop wanted to thank those who helped organize the trip and introduce us. He introduced his daughter Mpho, peacemaker and philanthropist Pam Omidyar, and me, but the Dalai Lama replied that he already knew us. Then the archbishop introduced my wife Rachel, his American doctor; Pat Kristen, Pam's colleague in the Omidyar Group; as well as the bride and future wife of Mpho Marceline, a Dutch pediatrician and professor of epidemiology. Last Member Our group needed no introduction at all: it turned out to be the venerable Lama Tenzin Donden from the Namgyal Monastery, where the Dalai Lama himself was the abbot.

The Dalai Lama squeezed the archbishop's hand warmly (he would do it more than once in a week). They discussed the flight and our stop in Amritsar.

“Good thing we stopped to rest,” the Dalai Lama remarked. - Rest is very important. I sleep eight to ten hours a day.

“But you get up early,” the archbishop objected.

- Yes. At three o'clock in the morning.

- Every day.

“And you pray for five hours?” - For clarity, the archbishop put out five fingers.

- Exactly.

Tutu looked up at the sky and shook his head.

No, it's too much for me.

“Sometimes I meditate on the nature of the self—the so-called seven-level analysis,” the Dalai Lama continued. Jinpa later explained that the essence of this Buddhist contemplative practice is an attempt to find the true nature of the self by analyzing the relationship between our self, the physical and mental aspects of the mind and body.

“For example,” the Dalai Lama explained, “if you do this analysis, looking at you, you can say that before me is my dear respected friend, Bishop Tutu. But no: it is his body, not himself. It is his mind, not himself. The Dalai Lama leaned towards the bishop, expounding this ancient Buddhist paradox. Where is his "I"? Where is the "I" of Archbishop Tutu? We cannot find him. He playfully patted the archbishop on the shoulder.

He looked a little puzzled and fascinated by this mysticism.

- Truth?

“Quantum physics now holds a similar theory,” the Dalai Lama concluded. - Objective things do not exist. Ultimately, there is nothing to discover and fix. We come to the same conclusion in analytical meditation.

The Archbishop covered his face with his hands in astonishment.

- I wouldn't be able to do that.

The Dalai Lama stated that, in fact, Bishop Tutu does not exist, but at the same time he was sitting in front of us - his dear friend, whom, despite his even friendly attitude towards everyone, he clearly singled out and considered especially significant person In my life. A little later, Jinpa and I talked about why the relationship between these people meant so much to both of them. Apparently, real friends are very rare for them. There are not many moral leaders in the world. Most people perceive the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop as saints. It must be nice to hang out with someone who doesn't want to take a picture with you. They are also united by common values that make up the very essence of all religions of the world. And an inimitable sense of humor. I began to understand the important role friendships and relationships play in the ability to experience joy. The theme of human interconnection will come up again and again during this week.

“I tell everyone that the most amazing thing about you is your serenity. “He meditates for five hours every day,” I say. Inner peace is shown in how you react to painful things - the suffering of your people and the whole world. I also try to pray more, but five hours is too much for me. – Modest, always kept in the shadows, the archbishop considered that three or four hours of his daily prayer practice was not enough. He really gets up later than the Dalai Lama - at four in the morning!

Why do spiritual people always get up early and meditate? Apparently, this really greatly affects how their day develops in the future. When I first heard that the Dalai Lama wakes up at three in the morning, I decided that this would be followed by another story about zealous religiosity, which the ordinary person is not capable of. I thought that he probably sleeps two or three hours a day. Imagine my relief when I found out that he just goes to bed very early - around seven in the evening! Of course, this is not a very practical routine for a family man who needs to feed the children for dinner and put them to bed. But if we all went to bed at least an hour earlier and got up an hour earlier - and this is not so difficult - would this lead to spiritual growth? Would make us happier?

The Dalai Lama pressed the archbishop's hand to his cheek.

"Now let's go visit me."

As they exited the airport, the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop were surrounded by journalists, shouting questions about how the trip had gone. The archbishop stopped to answer and, taking the opportunity, to draw attention to the injustice.

“I am very glad to finally be near a dear friend. People and circumstances tried to prevent our meeting, but our love for each other and the merciful providence of God made sure that we saw each other. When the South African government denied him a visa and the Dalai Lama was unable to attend my birthday celebration, I asked him, “How many units are in your army? Why is China so afraid of you?” I am surprised by this attitude - although perhaps the Chinese are right and spiritual leaders really should be taken seriously. We hope that the world will become better and there will be more kindness, compassion, generosity in it. That people will be able to get along and there will be no what is happening now between Russia and Ukraine, in Kenya or Syria. God cries when he sees such things.

The archbishop turned and started to leave, but was delayed when one of the journalists asked him about the purpose of the trip.

We met for the sake of friendship. Let's talk about joy.

The Archbishop and the Dalai Lama entered the waiting convoy. The journey to the residence takes about forty-five minutes. In honor of the lama's trip to the airport, traffic was blocked, and people took to the streets - Tibetans, Indians and rare tourists in these parts. Everyone hoped to see the Dalai Lama and his honored guest with at least one eye. I understand why the lama so rarely goes to the airport: this is the largest logistics operation. One of the main streets is blocked, and this affects the life of the whole city.

We came to Dharamsala to learn how to enjoy life despite the difficult circumstances of life, and this place was the best suited for our purpose. In Dharamsala, reminders of the oppression and exile experienced by the Tibetans were everywhere. The city stands on a mountainside, it is cut by winding sloping streets; handicraft shops huddle on the edge of sheer cliffs. As everywhere in India and other

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third world countries, building codes and safety rules were neglected here so that the dramatically increased population had somewhere to live. I couldn't help wondering if these shacks would hold up in an earthquake. No matter how the mountains shake off the city, like a dog shuddering upon awakening, which drops a dry leaf from its back.

The motorcade moved slowly up the winding streets as the crowds of the Dalai Lama's admirers thickened. Some burned incense; others held a rosary mala in their hands folded for prayer. It is difficult for a non-Tibetan to understand how much the Dalai Lama means to the Tibetan people, how much he is valued in this community of exiles. For them, he is a symbol of national and political identity and the focus of spiritual aspirations. The reincarnation of the Bodhisattva of Mercy is a figure that approaches Christ in many ways. One can only imagine how difficult it is for the Dalai Lama to bear this responsibility and at the same time emphasize that there is “nothing special” about him, that he is just one of the seven billion inhabitants of the Earth.

The streets narrowed, and I wondered how our cavalcade would manage to break through the crowd. We slowed down only when a sacred cow came out into the middle of the street, who probably also wanted to look at the religious leaders.

Still, I had to drive fast: for reasons of safety and for traffic to resume on the streets as soon as possible. But the first reason was the main one. Like all Indian cities, Dharamsala has a constant friction of cultural tectonic plateaus that shift and collide, presenting a vivid but rather disturbing picture of religious and national diversity.

The mountain settlement of McLeod Ganj, where Tibetan Buddhists live, is located in the upper part of the Hindu Dharamsala, like a layer of sedimentary rocks (which is why it is also called Upper Dharamsala). Dharamsala, or Dharamshala as the name is pronounced in Hindi, means "spiritual abode". The word consists of two roots - dharma (spiritual teaching) and shala (house, dwelling); together they mean "pilgrim's haven". An apt name for a city that has become a center of worship in our day.

We hurried past the simple metal gates leading to the Dalai Lama's residence compound, where his reception rooms and private quarters are located. A semicircular path skirted a lush flower bed with spring flowers. The last time I was in Dharamsala was in January: I was planning this meeting with the staff of the Dalai Lama's office. Then the city was shrouded in clouds, it was prickly cold. But now the sun was shining, and the flowers seemed eager to outdo each other with a riot of colors, as always happens in the short flowering season in the highlands, where the life of a bud is short and ends quickly, which makes each day more appreciated and more vividly lived.

The beginning of our dialogues was approaching, and I caught myself thinking that I was very nervous. And I was not alone in this. When the archbishop and I called each other on the eve of the trip, I was deeply moved by his honest anxiety about the upcoming “battle of wits”. “He is much more reasonable than I am,” observed Desmond Tutu, referring to the Dalai Lama's great love of debate, intellectual and scientific research. “I think more instinctively.” I remember the words of the archbishop that in all the important turning points of his life and in his mission to fight apartheid, he was guided by deep intuitive knowledge and humility in the face of fate. But even great religious leaders seem to get nervous about entering uncharted territory.

The archbishop rested for one day, and then we began to talk about the nature of true joy.

The Nature of True Joy

Why aren't you sad?

At the beginning of the conversation, I invited the archbishop to say a prayer: in the Anglican tradition, prayer precedes any important conversation.

“Yes, thanks,” he replied. Help from above never hurts.

Let's be quiet for a minute. May the Holy Spirit descend upon us. May He fill the hearts of believers, kindling in them the flame of Your love. May Your Spirit renew human souls and renew the face of the Earth. Amen.

“Amen,” the Dalai Lama repeated.

I asked him what he expects from this meeting. The lama leaned back in his chair, rubbing his palms.

– We live in the 21st century. We improve the discoveries made in the 20th century and continue to improve the material world. Although many people still live in poverty and starvation, in general, modern civilization is highly developed. The problem is that our world and education system is focused entirely on external, mundane values. We are far less concerned with internal landmarks. Those who are brought up in this educational system live as materialists, and eventually the whole society is imbued with this spirit. But a culture serving material representations is not able to solve the problems of mankind. The real problem is here.” The Dalai Lama pointed to his forehead.

The archbishop touched the heart, showing that the problem is in the soul.

“And here,” the Dalai Lama nodded. – In mind and heart. Materialistic values are not able to provide peace of mind. To do this, we must focus on spiritual landmarks - on what makes us human. Only in this way will we find inner peace, which in turn will lead to peace in the outer world. Many of the problems we face are our own doing. Violence, war - unlike natural disasters, we humans create these misfortunes ourselves.

“There is a huge contradiction,” the Dalai Lama continued. - The world's population is seven billion people, and no one wants to suffer or have problems, but why, then, in the world so many problems and suffering, most of which are our doing? “Now the Dalai Lama spoke directly to the archbishop. He nodded in agreement. - We are missing something. I am also one of these seven billion, and it seems to me that the responsibility for the happiness of the whole world lies on the shoulders of each of us. You need to think more about the well-being of others. In other words, cultivate goodness and compassion in yourself, which are now lacking. And pay more attention to spiritual values. You need to look into yourself.

He turned to the archbishop, raised his hands and clasped his palms in a gesture of respect.

“Now it's your turn, Archbishop Tutu, my old friend. He held out his hand, and his friend squeezed it cordially in his palms. I think you have great potential...

– Potential? The archbishop withdrew his hand with mock indignation.

“That’s right, great potential. It is in your power to make humanity happier.

The archbishop threw back his head and laughed.

“Looking at you is enough,” the Dalai Lama continued. You are always laughing, always happy. You are a very positive influence on people. The Dalai Lama reached out again, took the Archbishop's hand and stroked it. “Some politicians or priests have such serious faces…” He straightened up in his chair, frowned and made a very stern face. “I want to stay away from them. But

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when you look at you...

- It's all mine a long nose the archbishop remarked, and they both laughed at the same time.

“So, I am very grateful that you came for this talk,” the Dalai Lama said. – The development of the mind occurs at a deeper level. All people strive for happiness, they want to enjoy life, but they associate it with external benefits: money, power, a prestigious car, a big house. Many people rarely think about the main source of a happy life, which is inside, not outside. Even the source of physical health is to be found within.

Yes, there are differences between us. You are focusing on faith. I am a Buddhist and faith is very important to me, but the reality is that out of the seven billion people on Earth, more than one billion are atheists. And they cannot be excluded from overall picture. A billion is a lot. They are people too, our brothers and sisters. They have the right to become happier and prove themselves as worthy members of the common human family. Therefore, for the cultivation of internal qualities, faith is not the main thing.

“It is very difficult for me to understand your deep analysis,” the archbishop began. “I thought you were going to say that if you try to find happiness, you won’t succeed.” The feeling of happiness is very fleeting. It cannot be obtained by simply saying to yourself: so, now I will not think about anything else and become happy! Clive Lewis has a book Overtaken by Joy, which is how it usually goes.

Looking at you, many people remember how many horrors you had to endure,” the archbishop continued. - What could be more nightmarish than expulsion from your own home, separation from everything that is truly dear? But when they meet you in person, they see a man who is unusually calm... incredibly merciful... who also likes to play pranks.

“I like the latter,” the Dalai Lama remarked. I don't like being too strict.

"Don't interrupt me," the archbishop scolded.

- Wow! The Dalai Lama laughed in response.

How wonderful to understand that what we really need is not happiness. And I won't talk about that at all. I want to talk about joy. She is beyond happiness. Imagine the mother on the eve of the birth. Everyone wants to avoid pain. And any mother knows that she will experience pain - the strongest birth pangs. But she accepts it. And after the most painful contractions, when the baby was already born, her joy cannot be measured. This is one of the most incredible paradoxes in the world: suffering can be replaced by joy so quickly.

“A mother can come home from work tired, exhausted,” he continued, “and she will have nothing but worries on her mind. But it turns out that the child is ill. And the mother immediately forgets about fatigue; she sits at the bed of a sick child all night, and when he recovers, we see joy in her eyes.

What is this joy? And is it possible for one state to cover such a wide range of emotions? Tears of joy at the birth of a child, unrestrained laughter at a joke, or a calm and reserved smile on the face of a meditator are types of joy. Joy includes all kinds of feelings. Renowned emotional researcher and old friend of the Dalai Lama, Paul Ekman, wrote that joy can be associated with a variety of states. For example:

Pleasure (sensual);

Laughter (from giggling to laughter);

Satisfaction (calm joy);

Joyful excitement (as a reaction to news or interesting task);

Relief (following another emotion - fear, anxiety, and even pleasure);

Amazement (at the sight of something amazing and delightful);

Ecstasy, bliss (going beyond the "I");

Exultation (as a result of performing a difficult or dangerous task);

Pride (for example, when your child is given an award);

Unhealthy glee, or gloating (joy at the sight of other people's suffering);

Reverence (at the sight of an act of kindness, generosity or mercy);

Gratitude (the ability to appreciate a selfless act done for you).

In a book on happiness, Buddhist scientist and former geneticist Mathieu Ricard describes three more states of pure joy:

Joy (the ability to rejoice in the happiness of others - what is called mudita in Buddhism);

Delight (sparkling joy);

Inner radiance (calm joy arising from a sense of deep well-being and goodwill towards the world).

Having put all kinds of joy on the shelves, we see what a subtle and complex state it is. He has many faces: from joy for the well-being of other people (mudita in Buddhism) to gloating at the sight of someone else's misfortune (the Germans call this state Schadenfreude - "joy from harm"). For example, the state described by the archbishop has nothing to do with sensual pleasure. Rather, it is relief, amazement and delight at the sight of the miracle of birth. Joy embraces all of these human experiences, but lasting joy—as an unchanging state of being—is closest to the “inner radiance” that comes from a sense of deep well-being and goodwill toward the world. That is what I have observed in the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop.

I knew that the purpose of our study would be this complex "map" of states. Researchers from the Institute of Neuroscience and Psychology at the University of Glasgow suggested that there are only four fundamental emotions, and three of them are negatively colored: fear, anger and sadness. Joy is the only positive. By studying this state, we learn what makes our existence happy.

- Is joy a feeling that overtakes us unexpectedly, or is it a more reliable and lasting state? I asked. – Looking at you, I understand that it can be longer than we used to think. Spiritual practice has not made you gloomy or too serious, but only brought more joy. How to ensure that this emotion becomes a constant, and not a fleeting companion?

The Archbishop and the Dalai Lama looked at each other, and the Archbishop signaled for the Dalai Lama to answer first. He shook his hand and spoke.

- Yes it is. Joy and happiness are not the same thing. When I say happiness, I mean satisfaction. Sometimes we go through a painful experience, but it can bring great satisfaction and joy - as in the case described with the birth of a child.

“Let me ask,” the archbishop interrupted him, “you have been living in exile for more than fifty years, right?

- Fifty six.

“Fifty-six years away from the country you love most in the world. And why aren't you sad?

- Am I sad? the Dalai Lama asked, not quite understanding the word.

Jinpa hurried to translate the word into Tibetan, and the archbishop repeated:

- Why aren't you sad?

The Dalai Lama took the archbishop's hand in his

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as if comforting him, although he himself had to recall the gloomy events. As you know, the Dalai Lama was “found” at the age of two, that is, they found that he was an incarnation of the previous Dalai Lama. From his native village in the Amdo region, he was taken to Lhasa, the capital of Tibet, to the thousand-room Potala Palace. There he was raised in luxury and isolation as the future spiritual and political leader of Tibet and a god-like incarnation of the bodhisattva of compassion (Avalokiteshvara). After the Chinese aggression in 1950, the Dalai Lama was dragged against his will into the world of politics. At fifteen, he became the ruler of a nation of six million, and he faced the prospect of an unequal war, in which he would have to use all his strength and resources. For nine years he negotiated with communist China, trying to negotiate favorable terms for his people. Spent nine years looking for a diplomatic solution, but in the end, Tibet was annexed by China. After the uprising in 1959, which almost ended in a bloody massacre, the Dalai Lama, with a heavy heart, decided to go into exile.

The chance that the flight to India would succeed was negligible, and in order to avoid a confrontation and a bloody fight, the Dalai Lama left at night, disguised as a palace guard. He had to take off his famous glasses, and the veil in front of his eyes exacerbated the fear and uncertainty he felt as he made his way past the garrisons of the People's Liberation Army of China. The journey to India lasted three weeks; along the way, the fugitives were overtaken by sandstorms and snowstorms. They had to overcome mountain passes almost six thousand meters high.

“One of my meditation practices is described in the writings of an ancient Indian teacher,” the Dalai Lama answered the archbishop's question. - He said that, experiencing a tragic situation, it is necessary to analyze it. And if the situation is hopeless, there is no point in worrying. This is my practice. – The Dalai Lama was referring to the 8th-century Buddhist teacher Shantideva, who wrote: “Why be sad if everything can still be improved? And why be sad if nothing can be corrected?

The archbishop chuckled. Apparently, it seemed unlikely to him that someone would stop being sad just because it was pointless!

“Yes, but you understand it with your head.” He touched his head with two fingers. “But you still worry. This cannot be changed.

“Many of us have become refugees,” the Dalai Lama tried to explain, “and there are many problems in my country right now. If I think only about this, - he folded his palms in a small circle, - anxiety cannot be avoided. He widened the circle of his palms, parting his fingers. – But it is worth thinking about what is happening in the world, and I understand that there are even more problems. Even in the People's Republic of China there are a lot of them. For example, what hardships the Hui Muslims of China are now experiencing, how much suffering has befallen them! And in the rest of the world? More trouble and suffering. When we pay attention to this, we understand that we are not alone in experiencing adversity - our brothers and sisters, the same representatives of the human race, also get it. By taking a broader view of the event that concerns us, we can reduce our anxiety and relieve pain.

I was struck by the simplicity and depth of his words. How far his reasoning is from the popular appeal of don’t worry, be happy (“don’t worry, be happy”) from the Bobby McFerrin song. There is no denial of pain and suffering in them. He simply proposes to shift the focus from self to others, from suffering to compassion - to see that it is not easy for everyone. This achieves an incredible result: by recognizing that someone is also in trouble, that we are not alone, we alleviate our pain.

When we learn about a tragedy that happened to someone else, our own situation no longer seems so critical. But the Dalai Lama was not talking about that. He did not contrast his misfortune with someone else's, but united these misfortunes, ceasing to dwell on his narrow little world and recognizing that he and the Tibetan people are not the only ones who have a hard time. Understanding that we are all connected and Hui Muslims have had as many hardships as Tibetan Buddhists engenders empathy and compassion.

Read this book in its entirety by purchasing the full legal version (http://www.litres.ru/pages/biblio_book/?art=23558505&lfrom=279785000) on Litres.

Dharamsala (Dharmsala) is a city in the Indian state of Himachal Pradesh, the residence of the Dalai Lama. Here and below, unless otherwise noted, notes by the editor and translator.

Harmandir Sahib (Darbarasahib, or Golden Temple) is the gurdwara, or central temple, of the Sikh religion in the city of Amritsar (Punjab, India).

This refers to the "Seven Steps of Logical Reasoning" by Chandrakirti (600-650 AD), an Indian philosopher and Buddhist monk, where he logically substantiates the absence of an absolute basis of dharmas (phenomena), defining relative reality.

Bodhisattva (Sanskrit, literally “a being striving for enlightenment”) is in traditional Buddhism a person who has made the decision to become a Buddha in order to achieve nirvana and help other beings get out of beginningless reincarnations and suffering.

Lewis K. Collected Works: in 8 vols. Vol. 7: Roundabout, or Pilgrim's Wanderings; Miracle; Overtaken by joy: (spiritual autobiography). St. Petersburg: Father Alexander Men Foundation, 2006.

Paul Ekman is an American psychologist, professor at the University of California, an expert in the psychology of emotions, interpersonal communication, psychology and "lie detection".

This refers to the book Plaidoyer pour le bonheur ("In defense of happiness"), where Mathieu Ricard explores the search for happiness in modern world and gives a Buddhist version of the answer.

Bobby McFerrin is an American jazz singer and conductor, a ten-time Grammy Award winner.

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About the book

The dialogues went on for a week. Spiritual masters discussed the obstacles that prevent us from enjoying life, spoke in detail negative emotions, their impact on a person and, most importantly, the answer to the question "what to do?". How to deal with anger, rage, grief of loss,...

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About the book
Two great spiritual leaders. Five days. One eternal question.

In April 2015, two of the happiest people in the world, the Nobel laureates the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu, met in Dharamsala to celebrate His Holiness’ 80th birthday, look back on years of hardship and find the answer to the eternal question: how find joy in life when we are overwhelmed by everyday adversity - from dissatisfaction with traffic jams to fear that we will not be able to provide for a family, from anger at those who have treated us unfairly, to the grief of losing a loved one, from the devastation that a serious illness brings, to the abyss of despair that comes with death?

The dialogues went on for a week. Spiritual masters discussed the obstacles that prevent us from enjoying life, spoke in detail about negative emotions, their impact on a person and, most importantly, the answer to the question "what to do?". How to cope with anger, rage, grief of loss, despair, disappointment, envy?

Answering questions, the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop give examples from their own lives, communicating with the reader as equals, all the while emphasizing that every person, whether he is a spiritual leader or one of the modern people living in the hustle and bustle of a materialistic world, is characterized by the same emotional reactions. We all experience envy, anger and loss of loved ones, the difference is in how we react.

The courage of the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop, their resilience and resilient faith in humanity inspire millions of people. They do not succumb to fashionable cynicism, the wave of which overwhelms us today. Their ability to enjoy life is not superficial and was not easy for them; it is tempered in the fire of conflicts, confrontation and struggle. Their fate: a relentless reminder that the joy of life is a right given to us from birth. Joy is a much deeper concept than happiness.

At the end of the book is a list of practices - simple exercises to help align psychological condition and keep the inner core in times of stress and anxiety.

From the authors
We came to Dharamsala for a week to celebrate our birthdays, mingle like old friends and create something that could be a birthday present for others. What could be more joyful than a birth? But how much time do we spend in sorrow, tension and suffering? We dare to hope that this little book will slightly open the door to the world of joy and happiness.

Our co-author Douglas Abrams kindly agreed to assist us in this project and spoke with us in Dharamsala for a week. At our request, he combined our answers and his own narrative so that readers can learn not only about our vision and personal experience, but also about what scientists and other great minds have to say about the source of joy.

We don't have to believe at all. On the contrary, we should not take our words for an axiom. We, two friends who belong to two very different worlds, share with you what we have witnessed and what we have learned over a long life. We hope that you will try to apply our knowledge in practice and then you will understand if there is truth in our words.

Every day we get a chance to start over. Every day is our birthday.

Who is this book for?
For each of us. For everyone who wants to find harmony and enjoy life.

About authors
His Holiness the Dalai Lama Tenzin Gyatso is one of the most famous leaders in the world, having led his people for over fifty years as head of the government in exile and spiritual leader of Tibet. In 1989, in recognition of his services to the struggle for peace and the solution global problems environment His Holiness Tenzin Gyatso was awarded the Nobel Prize. Most recently, in 2007, he received gold medal Congress, the highest civilian award in the United States, for the protection of human rights.
Douglas Abrams, author of The Book of Joy
Douglas Abrams has worked as an editor for the University of California Press and HarperCollins. Founder of Idea Architects, a publishing and print media support agency that works with forward-thinking authors to make the world a wiser, healthier, and more just place. In his life and work, he is interested in all aspects of human nature: body, emotions, mind and spirit.

3rd edition.

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14th Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, Douglas Abrams

The Book of Joy. How to be happy in a changing world

HIS HOLINESS THE DALAI LAMA AND ARCHBISHOP DESMOND TUTU

with Douglas Abrams

The Book of

Lasting Happiness in a Changing World

Scientific editor Dmitry Kovpak

Published with permission from The Dalai Lama Trust and Idea Architects

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

* * *

Instruction on Joy

The co-author of the book, Douglas Abrams, kindly agreed to contribute to this project and was a participant in the meeting in Dharamsala for a week. At our request, he combined the dialogues with his own narrative so that readers could learn not only about our and opinion and personal experience, but also what scientists and other great minds say about the source of joy.

Every day everyone gets a chance to start over. Every day is our birthday.

So may this book be a blessing to all conscientious people and children of God, including you.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama Tenzin GyatsoDesmond Tutu, Former Archbishop of South Africa

Foreword

To the deafening roar of jet engines, we exited the plane at a small airport. Behind us rose the snow-capped peaks of the Himalayas. The two friends hugged. The moment of greeting was imbued with extraordinary warmth and cordiality. For a whole year we have been preparing for this trip, realizing what the meeting of the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop means for the world. But we had no idea how important this week is for them.

We spent a week under dim lamps arranged so as not to hurt the Dalai Lama's sensitive eyes. We were filmed by five cameras. Trying to understand what happiness is, we have sorted out many deep life questions. The search target was the source true joy- a state that does not depend on the vicissitudes of fate and circumstances. We knew that for this we need to analyze the obstacles that make happiness seem elusive. In conversations, the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop gradually outlined the eight foundations of joy. Four are in the mind, four are in the heart. The two great spiritual leaders agreed on the most important things, but on some points they differed, and this shed light on new frontiers. We tried to gather together important knowledge that would help readers enjoy life in an ever-changing world full of pain and suffering.

The Book of Joy. How to be happy in a changing world
His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, Douglas Abrams
Publication format
Release year: 2017
ISBN 978-5-00100-643-5
Publisher:
Mann, Ivanov and Ferber
Series: MYTH. Horizon
Hardcover, dust jacket

At the end of the book is a list of practices - simple exercises that will help align the psychological state and maintain the inner core in times of stress and anxiety.

From the authors

We came to Dharamsala for a week to celebrate our birthdays, mingle like old friends and create something that could be a birthday present for others. What could be more joyful than a birth? But how much time do we spend in sorrow, tension and suffering? We dare to hope that this little book will slightly open the door to the world of joy and happiness.

Every day we get a chance to start over. Every day is our birthday.

Who is this book for?

For each of us. For everyone who wants to find harmony and enjoy life.

Quotes from the book

About joy
Joy is much larger than happiness. Happiness is often perceived as something dependent on external circumstances. Joy does not depend on them.

About fear, anger and sadness
Fear and anger are normal responses to stress; these emotions carry important information. Sadness can also be a signal that something in life does not suit us. These three emotions have arisen in the course of evolution to motivate us to change the current situation. To be human is to feel.

About happiness
It is of two types. There is pleasure that we get from the senses. But happiness can also be experienced at the level of the mind, a deeper one. Love, compassion, generosity - all this can make us happy. Sensual joy is short, but mental joy is longer.

About relationships
Joy is not something to be learned; live with joy. And there is no greater joy than a close and selfless relationship.

About love
It is necessary to love unconditionally, to love all people, regardless of how they treat us. Our enemies are the same people, our brothers and sisters, they also deserve love, respect and affection. This is what unconditional love means.

About self-respect
We need to accept ourselves for who we are and hope to become better. We can learn not to react to stimuli, to change ourselves, but we should not feel guilty if nothing works out right away. We are all human, and we must admit that we experience quite human emotions.

Foreword

Under the deafening roar of jet engines, we walked out of the plane at a small airport. Behind us rose the snow-capped peaks of the Himalayas. The two friends hugged. The moment of greeting was imbued with extraordinary warmth and cordiality. For a whole year we have been preparing for this trip, realizing what the meeting of the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop means for the world. But we had no idea how important this week is for them.
It is a great honor and a great responsibility to tell the world about the dialogues we had during the week at the Indian residence of the Dalai Lama in Dharamsala. In this book, I will share with you their heartfelt conversations, filled with unceasing laughter and poignant memories of loss and love.

We knew that for this we need to analyze the obstacles that make happiness seem elusive. In conversations, the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop gradually outlined the eight foundations of joy. Four are in the mind, four are in the heart. The two great spiritual leaders agreed on the most important things, but on some points they differed, and this shed light on new frontiers. We tried to gather together important knowledge that would help readers enjoy life in an ever-changing world full of pain and suffering.

Every day we drank warm Indian tea and broke bread - Tibetan cakes. The film crew was also invited to daily tea parties and lunches. One morning, the Dalai Lama even invited the archbishop to attend a meditation at his residence, and the archbishop administered communion for the lama, a ritual not normally allowed for non-Christians.

The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu are the great spiritual teachers of our time. However, their teaching is not so much religious as moral. It goes beyond religious dogma; there is anxiety in it not only for “our own” but for all of humanity. The courage of the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop, their resilience and resilient faith in humanity inspire millions of people. These leaders do not succumb to the fashionable cynicism that is sweeping over us today. Their ability to enjoy life is not superficial and was not easy for them; it is tempered in the fire of conflicts, confrontation and struggle. Their fate is a constant reminder that the joy of life is a right given to us from birth. Joy is a much deeper concept than happiness.

“Joy,” the archbishop said during one of our meetings, “is much more voluminous than happiness. Happiness is often perceived as something dependent on external circumstances. Joy does not depend on them. The Dalai Lama and the Archbishop agree that it is this state of mind and heart that spiritualizes life and fills it with satisfaction and meaning.

Friends talked about what the Dalai Lama called "life's goal" - the desire to avoid suffering and find happiness. They shared the knowledge of how to live and rejoice, despite the inevitable troubles - knowledge that was not given to them easily. Together we tried to understand how to turn joy from a transient state into a permanent quality, from a fleeting feeling into a lasting way of being.

From the very beginning, this book has been seen as a kind of three-layered birthday cake. The first layer is the teachings of the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu about joy. Is it possible to maintain joy when we are overwhelmed by everyday adversity - from dissatisfaction with traffic jams to fear of not providing for a family, from anger at those who have treated us unfairly, to the grief of losing a loved one, from the emptiness that accompanies a serious illness to the abyss of despair, coming with death? How to come to terms with the reality of life, without indulging in denial? How to overcome the pain and torment that cannot be avoided? And even if nothing bothers us, how can we live and be happy when so many people around us are suffering? When monstrous poverty deprives people of their future, the streets are flooded with violence and terror, and environmental disasters cast doubt on the very possibility of life on the planet? The first part of the book contains answers to these and many other questions.

The second layer is the latest scientific research on the phenomenon of joy and other qualities that, according to the Archbishop and the Dalai Lama, are necessary to feel happy every day. New discoveries in brain science and experimental psychology have led to a deeper understanding of what a person needs to be happy. Two months before the trip, I met with Richard Davidson, a neuroscientist and pioneer in the study of happiness.

He conducted laboratory observations of meditation practitioners and came to the conclusion that this activity has a very beneficial effect on the brain. Davidson and I were sitting on the outdoor terrace of a Vietnamese restaurant in San Francisco. The relentless Pacific winds tossed his gray-black hair. We ate spring rolls, and Richard told how one day the Dalai Lama admitted that he was very inspired by the latest scientific studies confirming the benefits of meditation - especially when you have to get up early in the morning, sit down and practice. Since science helps the Dalai Lama, it will help us too.

Spirituality and science are often presented as conflicting forces, one seeking to stifle the other. However, Archbishop Tutu believes in "self-affirming truth" - the moment when different areas of knowledge converge on one thing. The Dalai Lama also emphatically emphasized that this book is not about Buddhism and Christianity; it is universal, and what is stated in it is not just a personal opinion or traditional views, but confirmed scientific data. (By the way, I am a Jew and do not consider myself to any religion. As in a joke: a Buddhist, a Christian and a Jew enter a bar ...)

At the end of the book you will find several exercises that will help you find and maintain the joy of life. The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu shared their daily practice - the "anchors" of the emotional and spiritual life. This section does not offer a ready-made recipe for a happy life, but only introduces thousands of years of techniques and traditional practices that faithfully serve the Dalai Lama, the Archbishop and many people who profess Buddhism and Christianity. These exercises will help you make what you read in the previous three sections a part of your daily life.

For five days, I, the people's ambassador, listened to the conversations of two of the most merciful people on the planet. I looked into their eyes. And although I don’t believe in the least in the supernatural sensations that many people allegedly experience in the presence of spiritual teachers, from the very first day I heard a strange hum in my head. I was surprised, but perhaps these were mirror neurons processing the knowledge that these two kind people exchanged in my presence.
Fortunately, I had someone to share the responsible task of transcribing wise knowledge. From the first day until the last day, I was accompanied by Thupten Jinpa, a Buddhist scholar who had served as an interpreter for the Dalai Lama for more than thirty years. For many years he was a Buddhist monk, but he abandoned the monastic habit and preferred to live with his family in Canada. Thanks to his past, he became an ideal translator not only of the language of words, but also of the language of concepts. During the conversations we sat side by side; Jinpa also helped me prepare the questions and translate and interpret the answers. He became my trusted partner and good friend.

During this week, I have seen more than once how the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop jokingly shook their fingers at each other, and a minute later they joined their palms in a friendly handshake.

Over the first dinner, the archbishop told how they once performed together. Just before entering the stage, the Dalai Lama is a symbol of compassion and peace for the entire planet! - pretended to strangle the archbishop. He turned to his younger godbrother and said, “Hey, we're being filmed! Come on, behave like you should with all of you!”

The Dalai Lama and the Archbishop remind us that only our daily actions matter. Even the "holy" have to behave accordingly. We imagine them to be serious, stern, pious and restrained.

And they prefer to greet the world and each other in a completely different way.

The archbishop never claimed to be a saint. The Dalai Lama considers himself a simple monk. Their fate is an occasion to reflect on how these two people managed to find peace, courage and find the joy of life amid the pain and chaos that fills our reality. They can be an example for us.
In this book, spiritual leaders try to convey to readers not only their deep wisdom, but also the commonality of human nature. Suffering is inevitable, but how we respond to it is a personal choice. This freedom cannot be taken away by oppression or occupation.

Excitement was easily read on his face and, perhaps, a shadow of concern, visible behind a wide smile and sparkles in blue-gray eyes.

Douglas Abrams

18.06.2017

The Book of Joy. How to be happy in a changing world. Featuring Douglas Abrams.

- a rare opportunity to witness an unprecedented, amazing meeting, to spend a whole week side by side with two of the greatest spiritual leaders of our time and discover the secret of true joy.

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The Book of Joy - Book Review

The Book of Joy is a dialogue between two great people. The book is divided into several chapters. Each chapter of the book of joy is a separate day lived together with spiritual leaders.

Day 1: The Nature of True Joy

Joy includes all kinds of feelings. Renowned emotional researcher and old friend of the Dalai Lama, Paul Ekman, wrote that joy can be associated with a variety of states. For example:
- pleasure (sensual);
- laughter (from giggling to laughter);
- satisfaction (calm joy);
- joyful excitement (as a reaction to news or an interesting task);
- relief (coming after another emotion - fear, anxiety and even pleasure);
- amazement (at the sight of something amazing and delightful);
- ecstasy, bliss (going beyond the "I");
- jubilation (as a result of performing a difficult or dangerous task);
- pride (for example, when your child is awarded an award);
- unhealthy glee, or gloating (joy at the sight of other people's suffering);
- reverence (at the sight of an act of kindness, generosity or mercy);
gratitude (the ability to appreciate a selfless act done for you).

In a book on happiness, Buddhist scientist and former geneticist Mathieu Ricard describes three more states of pure joy:
- joyfulness (the ability to rejoice in the happiness of others - what is called mudita in Buddhism);
- delight (sparkling joy);
- inner radiance (calm joy arising from a feeling of deep well-being and goodwill towards the world).

Joy embraces all of these human experiences, but lasting joy—as an unchanging state of being—is closest to the “inner radiance” that comes from a sense of deep well-being and goodwill towards the world. That is what I have observed in the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop.

Days 2 and 3. Obstacles

The Book of Joy lists obstacles to joy:

Fear, stress and anxiety: I am very nervous
Irritation and anger: I scream
Sorrow and grief: we are united by hard times
Despair: there are so many troubles in the world
Loneliness: strangers can not be
Envy: he's driving around in his Mercedes again...
Suffering and adversity: overcoming difficulties
Sickness and fear of death: I'd rather go to hell

How to deal with the obstacles that prevent you from enjoying life, with the inevitable sources of suffering, internal and external, that cause so much pain and anguish? There are so many of them: from everyday stresses, disappointments and anxieties to events that change life and destiny - disasters and catastrophes, illness and death, which eventually awaits everyone.

We cannot control these events, they are inevitable, but both spiritual leaders agreed that we have the power to influence the degree of their impact on us: you just need to work on your attitude and reaction.

And the first step on this path is to recognize that suffering is inevitable. Buddha is credited with saying: "I have known one thing, and only one thing: suffering really exists and can be stopped." The first noble truth of Buddhism is that life is full of suffering. In Sanskrit, "suffering" sounds like duhkha (not to be confused with dukka, a delicious Egyptian nut seasoning).

As the archbishop rightly noted, stress, anxiety and anxiety interfere with our lives when they cease to be a natural defensive reaction and become a constant background. Many modern people suffer from "background" anxiety, fears and anxieties that "hang" over us, accompanying any event and interaction. It is very difficult to enjoy life when you experience such stress and anxiety, an unrelenting feeling that there are too many problems, that we cannot cope with our work and family responsibilities. The situation is aggravated by gadgets that constantly remind us of how much we do not have time to do. “Juggling” with deeds and responsibilities, we feel that we are always one step behind.

The Dalai Lama singles out one of the most powerful tools for dealing with all obstacles - this is meditation.

Perhaps we stop being slaves to our responses the moment we learn to prolong the brief moment between stimulus and response. Meditation actually lengthens this pause and increases our ability to respond consciously.

Archbishop Tutu also shared his practice - every day for him begins with prayer and meditation in a small, no larger than a closet, chapel in his house.

Days 4 and 5. Eight pillars of joy.

Spiritual leaders identify eight pillars of joy:

1. View from the outside: there are many points of view

The Dalai Lama and the Archbishop said that looking from the outside makes us more calm and balanced. This doesn't mean that we don't have the courage to face the problem head-on, just that we can approach it more creatively and compassionately than harshly and straightforwardly. By putting ourselves in the place of another person, we can sympathize with him. We notice the interdependence of everything around us and understand that our attitude towards the world and ourselves is ultimately the same. There is an understanding that we cannot control all factors. This develops humility, acceptance and the ability to relate to the situation with humor.

2. Humility: I tried to be humble

The word "humility" - humility in English - comes from the Latin word humus, earth. Humility really brings us down from heaven to earth, sometimes filling us with bumps.

3. Humor: better to joke, better to laugh

There are very few scientific studies on this topic. But all indications are that laughter and a sense of humor evolved to help humans deal with stress and fear of the unknown. Funny jokes always end unexpectedly and make you resign yourself to the fact that expectations were not met. The people around us are the main source of uncertainty in our lives. Not surprisingly, a sense of humor helps to cope with the difficulties of communication and smooth out sharp corners. The Archbishop and the Dalai Lama are masters of this skill. Humor helps them connect with people and bring them together.

4. Acceptance: without it, change is impossible

Acceptance allows you to open up to joy and feel it in its entirety. It doesn't matter if we believe in God or not. By accepting reality, we engage in it on our own terms and stop lamenting that life is not what we want it to be. Acceptance shows all the senselessness of the struggle with the flow of everyday life. The Dalai Lama explained that what causes stress and anxiety is our expectations. We think that life should be such and such. But once we accept that life is what it is and does not have to live up to our expectations, then life path becomes smoother. Riding on a broken axle (duhkha: suffering, anxiety and discontent) is replaced by traveling on a healthy axle (sukha: calmness, peace and happiness).

5. Forgiveness: release from the burden of the past

Acceptance was the last quality of mind we discussed. It brought us to the first quality of the soul: forgiveness. By accepting the reality of the present, we gain the ability to forgive and free ourselves from the desire to change the past.
Analyzing a study on the impact of resentment and forgiveness on health, scientists Everett Worthington and Michael Scherer concluded that harbored resentments undermine the immune system. This happens in different ways: for example, the production of essential hormones is disrupted, and cells lose their ability to resist infection.

6. Gratitude: I'm lucky to be alive

Scientists have long known that our brains developed with a negative bias. Undoubtedly, for the survival of the human race, it was necessary to focus on the dangerous and bad. But gratitude unfolds that original mindset. It allows you to notice good, and not just evil and injustice.
One of the "seven points" of the daily spiritual practice of Indian and Tibetan Buddhists is joyfulness. We rejoice in our good fortune and the success of others, our good deeds and the good deeds of others.

7. Compassion: We all want to be merciful.

The Dalai Lama and the Archbishop emphasized that compassionate concern for others is instinctive and it is in our nature to reach out to and care for our relatives. However, as the archbishop explained at the beginning of the week, compassion is not learned all at once: “We develop and learn to empathize, to care. We are learning to be human."

8. Generosity: this is how the joy of life comes

Generosity occupies a central role in all religions, as it expresses a fundamental aspect of human nature - interdependence and need for each other. Generosity is so important to survival that the pleasure centers in the brain are activated not only when we receive, but also when we give - perhaps even more when we give.
Generosity is not only the distribution of material goods. You can also share time. Much has been said in the literature on the search for happiness about the importance of finding meaning. Life seems meaningful when we can be generous and share with others; feel appreciated and needed.

Practicing generosity of spirit, in a sense, we strengthen in ourselves other pillars of joy. Those who are generous in spirit see the big picture and feel connected to others. Realizing our place in the world and recognizing that we too can experience problems - material, emotional, spiritual - we gain humility. A sense of humor and the ability to laugh at yourself helps you not to take yourself too seriously. We accept life as it is. We forgive others and let go of the past, ceasing to think about "what could have been." We are grateful for everything that has been given to us. Finally, we treat others with deep compassion and strive to help those in need. The result of all this is generosity, that very “wise selfishness” - when we realize that by helping others, we help ourselves. As the Dalai Lama put it, “by caring for and helping others, we gain the ability to enjoy life and be happy.”