Is there a place for kind people in the modern world? Definitely yes. But it is one thing to be generous, to help and sympathize, and quite another to be excessively soft and weak-willed, which does not allow a person to protect the borders, his own and those close to him. When the understanding comes that the situation needs to be changed, questions arise: “How to become tougher?” or “How to become strong?” How to temper character, but remain human? After all, this is not about how to be evil and cruel.

You will need:

Make a decision

Before developing a strong character, you need to clearly understand what pathological meekness leads to in your life. List, preferably out loud or in writing, exactly what consequences it leads to. For example: “Colleagues dump all the “dirty” work on me, I stay up late in the office”; “Neighbor, despite requests, continues to listen to hard rock until the morning - I don’t get enough sleep”; "The kids don't see me as an authority."

Only by making a firm decision to change something, you can achieve a result. In addition, others will immediately feel inner confidence. If a person himself does not realize why he needs to change and whether he wants this, any attempts to defend his territory look feigned, as if a bad actor plays the role of Rambo.

It is optimal to enlist the support of people you trust: ask for feedback - find out exactly what, in the opinion of relatives, is weak, and make a promise to be stronger. It is one thing to deceive yourself, and quite another to fall face down in the dirt in front of someone close to you.

There is someone to look up to

When changing character, it is always useful to take note of the experience of a person whom you consider a standard. It can be one of the parents, a friend, a coach, or even a hero from a movie - it doesn’t matter, the main thing is that in a difficult situation you have the opportunity to ask yourself: “What would dad / Kolya / Ivan Petrovich / James Bond do”? Pay attention to the behavior, reactions, vocabulary and facial expressions of the characters you like.

It is only necessary to remember that each character is a complex combination of different traits, and when trying to be like someone, it is important not to adopt all his shortcomings at the same time and not lose yourself.

Don't underestimate yourself and don't overestimate yourself.

Sometimes people biasedly assess the ability to stand up for themselves and loved ones. For example, a common fear among expectant mothers is the fear of not being able to defend the interests of their child in an unfair world. It's amazing what assertive tigresses these timid women sometimes turn into when a baby is born.

It happens the other way around: it seems to a person that he is tough enough and successfully defends his boundaries. But in his life there may be someone who does not see these boundaries point-blank. Usually this is the one who is treated very warmly: a loved one, a parent, a child. Unconditional love is the best thing in the world; but manipulating a good attitude and making ropes is another matter entirely.

change gradually

So that others do not think that you are not you at all, but your evil twin from parallel space, you do not need to make sudden movements: today you are afraid to refuse even a letter from spam, and tomorrow you will threaten an obsessive seller.

To develop a strong character, you need to be consistent, but change gradually. Start small.

For example, if your boss exploits you, today you can gently explain to him that you cannot run to the store for an energy bar, tomorrow refuse to work at night, the day after tomorrow - late in the evening, in a week show strength of character by saying that you will not come to the office on Sunday, because you have other plans. And there the boss will let you go on vacation not in February, but at least in May.

Or vice versa: if an overly soft person magically takes the leadership position, subordinates often push him around. To stop this, you need to take step by step: today insist that the employee leave the social network and redo the work himself, and not be satisfied with the usual: “I tried my best!” Tomorrow, having convicted of an irresponsible attitude, recall disciplinary measures. And then, if that doesn't work, these measures may have to be applied.

Of course, everywhere you need to know the measure and understand the price of the issue: if the boss is a tyrant, and this is the job you really need, it’s better to experiment with someone else. And to return to the relationship with the boss, spreading his wings and gaining self-confidence.

look at the faces

It is quite possible that not everyone can see a person as tougher.

• If the employees “sat on their heads”, but the family appreciates and supports, then there is no need to change in relation to the children and the second half.
• If one friend gets into the habit of regularly calling at night and asking to be picked up tipsy and without money from the next bar, and the second respects your time and nerves, it is obvious what kind of relationship needs to be “tuned”.
• If one neighbor considers it normal to borrow money and forget to pay it back, and the second rushes to repay the debt, having barely received a salary, then there is no reason for an honest person to be responsible for the sly spitting.

In a word, you do not need to cut everyone with the same brush.

Rejection is not an insult

The ability to calmly but firmly say “no” to people is a quality of a strong character.

But if you are used to agreeing with everyone, without even listening to the end of the request, you need to start, again, gradually. For example, a colleague regularly asks for a report for him, citing personal circumstances, you agree, and on Friday evening, when he is already buying drinks at the club for his circumstances, pore over the pieces of paper. The next time a request is made, take a time out to begin with - say that you will give an answer later, in an hour. Do not give up when you see a change of emotions on the face of a counterpart - surprise, and then reproach.

During the time gained, conduct a small auto-training - remember that you decided to become more solid, why do you need it (for example, play with a child, cook borscht, take a girl to a movie, just get some sleep, finally).

Take courage and answer that this time you cannot fulfill the request, because you have a lot of your own work and plans at home.

You should not become a victim of someone else's irresponsibility.

Comfort zone

Get out - more precisely, "pull yourself by the ears" out of your comfort zone, despite the fear.
Hiding in the sink, we doom ourselves to miss the wonder of what's going on in life.

If a person wants to become more confident and stronger, it is important for him to start doing something that is unusual and difficult.

For example, you were invited to a party, but you know that there will be a person who makes fun of you. The first impulse is to stay at home and quietly get angry at the villain. You need to overcome it and go towards the difficulties. That's the only way to defeat them. Of course, it is worth preparing: remember what exactly the offender is laughing at and come up with witty answers. But at the same time, it is important not to go on a visit with one goal - to fight back. Such a mood is felt, what if a person has revised his behavior? You need to go to a party with the task of having fun, but have a backup plan in case of a psychological attack.

Or suppose you are afraid to speak your mind - in a company or in a meeting. Especially in the presence of an authoritative person whose views differ from yours. You need to learn once and for all: a person has freedom of choice and the honor of having an opinion different from others. You have every right to say out loud what you think, even if this decision is unusual.

Insecure people often remain silent, afraid to fall into someone's disfavor or make a mistake, although they have something to offer, and because of this they lose their laurels.

Of course, as the unforgettable Mark Twain said: “It is better to keep quiet and seem like a fool than to open your mouth and dispel all doubts.”

But if the idea is really good, don't deprive the world of the chance to consider it. Just say it out loud and wait for the reaction. Didn't work? Don't give up, wait for the next opportunity. Happened? Accept congratulations and mentally shake your own hand.

Do it before you get scared

Often, in order to do something decisive, you do not need to wait until the realization of what it is fraught with comes - you need to get ahead of fear. For example, if a girl is afraid to talk to a guy she likes, you can set yourself up: “The next time I meet, I’ll start a conversation even before I imagine that he rejected me and everyone laughs at me.” Jump into the pool with your head - and there come what may, in the end, if you continue to play silent, there will probably be nothing. Of course, you need to prepare for any decisive step: come up with topics, arguments, reasons.

Look, gestures, voice - a mirror of the strength of character

Strong people are easy to spot in a crowd - they are given out by non-verbal and verbal signs.

• The look is straight. Running or lowered eyes are the worst enemy of an insecure person. Defending your position, you do not hurt the interests of others, you have nothing to be ashamed of, and you have every right to confidently look into the eyes of the interlocutor.
• Defending your boundaries, psychological or physical, you need to monitor your posture and gestures. A hunched back in a non-stooped person indicates that he wants to “surrender” and not fight; fiddling with objects in our hands or wringing our fingers, we give out our discomfort.
• Equally important is the voice. In a self-confident person, he is calm and even. But the one who is just learning to be firm, then generally rustles, and does not speak, then breaks into hysterical notes.

Strength of character is not a loud cry or a heavy fist. A strong man is silent more eloquently than a weak one screams.
All these nuances need to be worked out - otherwise nothing. The best assistants are a mirror, a camera, a voice recorder. Seeing yourself from the outside, you can be taken aback by your own absurdity. Then the desire to change will be stronger.

Sports as a means

Sports can achieve amazing results in matters of tempering character. And it doesn’t matter which one - a gym, martial arts, team games ... Even if you have never done this, it’s time to pull yourself together, think about which training option is most acceptable, and take yourself to the gym. If you are lucky to find a section with a good coach, this is generally a gold mine: the coach not only monitors the correct execution of exercises and the volume of loads, he helps to shape the mood, change - externally and internally.

Having become stronger physically, it is much easier to build up inner strength.

What is too much is not healthy

Having achieved some success on the path of character formation, it is very important to stop in time. Do not go to extremes and follow the example of the protagonist of the acclaimed series Breaking Bad. Often, if a person allows others to trample on his own dignity for a long time and is fed up with it, he simply breaks off the chain. And after some time, having scared everyone away from himself and left in splendid isolation, he asks the question: how can he become softer now?.. It is reasonable not to allow yourself to be manipulated; But what if now no one wants to get involved with a person? Decisiveness should not eradicate goodwill, empathy, positivity, the ability to show flexibility where it is needed. It is very easy to go too far - especially with loved ones.

Frequently Asked Questions

How to become softer in character?

Get along with yourself, as a joyful person will not look for an occasion for irritation and sadness. Practical advice: quickly “disconnect” from the grievances received, make a list of what you want to change in yourself, write down bad moments and then analyze why they upset you and whether it was possible to react differently, find a “image” to follow, control yourself when expressing bad emotions, pamper your heart with pleasant things - music, books, hobbies.

How to become harsh?

The best interpretation of severity is a balance between love and justice. This is a long work on oneself internally in order to be able to understand situations, where and how to act according to the highest justice, tempering the will in acceptable ways, “training” one’s weaknesses and vices. It is also worth paying attention to appearance - facial features and posture, because body language can say something about us that is not at all what you want.

How to become brutal?

Proper brutality is inner fullness wrapped in a wrapper of excellent bodily shape and stylish appearance. Train responsibility, even in every little thing, and self-confidence, "feed" intelligence and ambition, be individual and a little mysterious, constantly challenge yourself, strive to be the best, respect others, but do not tolerate humiliation, be reliable, honest, imitate " examples of courage.

When should you be tougher?

Rigidity is a certain requirement for the environment. It is appropriate when it is necessary to protect the honor and status of one’s own and loved ones, when there is no discipline, something extraordinary needs to be stopped, if they try to manipulate and use it for their own purposes, when psychological pressure occurs, in any situations where blatant injustice and humiliation of dignity reign. There is also toughness for good when it is necessary to push a person to an important decision.

How to become ruthless?

The reasons for this behavior lie in the person's lifestyle and experiences. To achieve a result, you need to close yourself emotionally, stop compassion, control good feelings, stop loving, admire something, make friends, constantly obsessively look for a reason for hatred and negative emotions, react to everything that happens with anger and aggression.

How to be cheeky?

In a situation where you need to achieve something, imagine that you put on a “mask of impudence” on your face - try to push aside tact, awkwardness, humanity, showing immutable perseverance. Rehearse more often, but be careful - this behavior does not cause sympathy.

I'm tough, what should I do?

There are two options - leave everything as it is, if you are comfortable with it, or change something. If you are trying to eradicate stiffness, pay attention to why you have become this way and try to solve the problem. Love for someone (even a dog) will melt an icy heart. Self-love and work on mistakes will make you reconsider your outlook on life. And also - constantly force yourself to pay attention to the good, develop empathy, control aggression and negativity, be able to relax for a pleasant thing.

Solid character, what is he?

How to become a greyhound?

There are a few rules to follow: don't fuss, add a little arrogance, be completely self-confident, harmonize the internal state and body language so that it looks relaxed, know the rules and break them. Important - greyhound is not always appropriate.

How to become a cold person?

Less smiles (or more contempt), icy distant, a little distant look, less emotional, controlled movements, even, detached tone of voice, keep talking about yourself and asking others to a minimum so as not to show curiosity. Inner work: discard morality, be ready to offend (but maintain dignity), be tough everywhere, practicality, sharp criticism and overly pronounced realism - a middle name, do not help, do not trust or sympathize, constantly tune in to negativity and indifference.

How to become a cheeky guy?

Being impudent means being able to catch people, stand out in the gray mass, should not be confused with rudeness. Work on yourself: add soft swagger to your behavior, practice answering quickly, a little sarcastically, but with a kind smile, love yourself - be energetic, funny, sparkling, cheerful, enthusiastic, enjoy even a stain on a T-shirt and turn it into a holiday, focus on your presence, say what you think, challenge yourself in the most unexpected questions.

How to become strict?

It is enough to start firmly saying “no”, to act fairly, not to bend to the wishes of others, to listen to yourself, to be self-possessed, principled and “in a good way” stubborn.

How to be smarter?

It is necessary to increase self-confidence through training, exercises for endurance and perseverance, to neutralize the factors that humiliate you. Make your circle of interests and hobbies wider, change your wardrobe to a more noticeable and emphatic one, learn at least the basics of oratory. Practice adding a little irony and perseverance to your speech.

How to stop being rude?

It is important to learn the following techniques: a controlled and adequate reaction, more frequent, sincere smiles, calmness, constantly improve and work on oneself, looking at the example of sensitive and gentle women.

How can a girl be strong?

A woman should be herself in the first place - this concerns caring for her body, self-development, "pleasures for the soul." You can’t “fall for the bait” of relationships where there is no freedom, as well as compare yourself with others - this suppresses the personality. It is important to learn to defend personal boundaries, opinions, not to let yourself be offended and offended, to unquestioningly believe in yourself and your uniqueness, to adequately accept falls and losses.

Fighting qualities of a person?

These are such character traits of people that lead to success: absolute faith in victory, strong internal motivation, positive thinking, a correct understanding of what is happening, riskiness, a constructive and clear ability to think, a combination of charisma and simplicity, a clear knowledge of one's desires.

How to stop being a good guy?

Stop suppressing your opinion in order to please and please everyone. Say a firm "no", those who buckle are not respected. Restrainedly show character and that very “core”, do not tie your happiness and the meaning of life to people - be self-sufficient. Express fire and spontaneity, firmness and systematicity, justice and courage.

How to become smart?

Everyone has their own inner pace, but you can try. It is necessary to form the habit of completing all tasks and assignments on time. Start planning your day, write a list of things to do by the hour in your diary, try to complete them. If you did it before, reward yourself. Listen to rhythmic music while doing something, imagine a coach with a stopwatch in front of you. Do not listen to those who push or criticize - this breeds fussiness, panic and only gets in the way.

How to become arrogant and punchy?

Having a punchy character, you will be able to enjoy life better. How to do it: act self-confident and assertive, show emotions brightly and sincerely, position yourself in a way that you will be respected, participate in a friendly argument - this is the best rehearsal to stand up for yourself stubbornly, be mischievous and cheerful, joke, but do not forget about your goals, and even in jest, persuade others to do them. Moderate taunts and wit are your friends.

How to learn to be proud?

Stop any domination over yourself and manipulation, accept yourself as anyone and love, teach others to respect you and your opinion, cultivate a personality in yourself - improve, do not demonstrate your fears, be a little unpredictable.

How to be bold and beautiful for guys?

The main condition is to act only as prompted by the inner ego. Communicate your needs, voice your wishes, don't sacrifice your interests and plans, enjoy life without giving up everything for someone else. And, of course, look flawless. Men fall at the feet of the one who will make them fight every minute.

How to become more decisive?

Decisiveness is a strong desire to live life the way you want. Curb your inner fears and barriers, find the strength on your own or with a psychologist to eliminate childhood traumas that have become a prerequisite for indecision, do not doubt yourself, start small - start thinking with your head, making small decisions first, based on your experience and desire, then - more and more convincing yourself and the environment that you cannot be manipulated.

How to become more observant?

Important rules are to eliminate haste and overwork, stop trying to do several things at the same time, constant training.
Exercises for the development of observation:
- constantly consider: people and their actions, and then compare your guesses with reality; street, each time snatching out new little things, and reproduce in memory; choose an object that you can see constantly;
- train your ear - "guess" and characterize steps, noise, sounds, and vision - practice with eventful pictures, numbers and others, remembering their order and the smallest features;
- hone the skill of inconspicuous surveillance, involving all the senses.

How to become fragile?

You have to know how to be weak. You can't call a girl in sneakers and with heavy bags fragile. If you want to look like this - work out your image using romantic dresses and heels, elegant delicate makeup. Do not try to pull everything alone - and nail the shelf, and fix the toilet, do not be afraid to ask for help. If you can't, go to femininity courses. Read beautiful "women's" books, watch films with gentle heroines, take an example from them.

How to become a tough leader?

Read specialized literature, learn from experience, practice in order to possess such qualities: a firm focus on results, but not “walking on corpses”, fair uncompromisingness, harmony of determination and flexibility, a mixture of optimism and realism, not overwhelming authoritativeness, honesty, constructive thinking.

How to train character?

Analyze yourself - strengthen the best sides, slowly eliminate the worst ones. Train willpower and self-control. Learn not to be afraid of responsibility and take risks. Learn to adequately perceive criticism and understand others. Get rid of prejudice and stereotypes. Always be on the move towards your goal. Expand your horizons and do not be afraid of difficulties.

How to become more eloquent?

Conclusion

Conclusion

Getting tougher is not a matter of one day. But over time, it is quite realistic to achieve this: you need to realize the goal, think over the means, hone fairly simple skills (in particular, the ability to refuse, voice your position, leave the comfort zone), and at the same time remain within the framework of humanity.

Video to the material

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You involuntarily envy how some people are determined, self-confident and adamant. They defend their opinion, in spite of any authorities, do not listen to anyone's advice and act in their own way. You, on the other hand, seemed to be molded from a different test - too soft and subject to any outside influence.

It often happens that you decide already, and you want to follow it. But right there, anyone can very quickly convince you that you need to do it differently - the way he sees fit. And it’s easier for you to give in, you give up, give up your own opinion and admit that someone else is right. And all because your character is soft, you don’t know how to insist on your own. You can’t stand the pressure on yourself, especially if they start aggressively proving something, it’s easier to give in right away. Maybe you need to learn how to become tougher in character, and try to change?

Your excessive softness interferes both at work and in the family. At work, you often cannot defend your opinion, you agree with the boss and with the opinion of the majority, even if deep down you think that you were right. It is not possible to raise a child at home - there is not enough character to behave consistently and insist on one's own. As soon as the child cries because he was not given what he wanted, you immediately give up and do everything just to calm him down.

It is also very difficult to refuse someone's request, a real internal struggle immediately begins. If you agree, you will do what you don’t want to do in order to be good. And if you refuse, you will be tormented by remorse that you did not help the person. Therefore, every time it is a choice between bad and very bad.

And during touching scenes in a film or play, you can barely hold back your tears - you are embarrassed by this, so you try your best to distract yourself so as not to cry. Other people watch the same thing as if nothing had happened. And it’s hard for you to hold back your feelings and be as cold-blooded as they are - you scold yourself for this and hide treacherous tears.
How to become stronger in spirit and stop suffering because of your weakness?

In defense of softness and sensitivity

You are looking for information on how to become a strong person, because your soft nature really prevents you from achieving what you want in life. But advice on the Internet on this topic can be quite strange - for example, choose someone as a reference and try to be like him. Or specifically develop self-confidence. Maybe it would be nice to follow the advice and develop these qualities, only now you think - how long will you be enough to play such roles?

Let's try to look at this problem through the prism of System-Vector Psychology, which divides all groups of desires and properties of people into 8 vectors. The problem of excessive softness of character is characteristic of sensitive, emotional people - the owners of the visual vector. These are people whose essence is anti-aggression, they are the creators and guides to the masses of culture and art.

Such a special sensitivity, on the one hand, makes them, as it were, weaker than others if they are not realized, fixated on themselves and direct all their emotionality and sensitivity to their inner experiences. But when such a person is realized in a society where his ability to express feelings and compassion is in demand - for example, in creativity, working with children, caring for the sick and the elderly, then he stops worrying about himself and becomes a strong spirit.

After all, such high sensitivity and emotionality are created so that those tougher and more aggressive people do not “eat” each other in their struggle, which determines who is stronger. The task of an emotional person with a visual vector is to share his feelings so that other people, perceiving them, become kinder and can get rid of their hostility.

If a person, along with the visual, is also endowed with an anal vector, then these are by nature the most kind and caring people who, in a developed and realized state, are not inclined to use force. People with an anal vector are not the ones who make decisions. Therefore, a person with an anal-visual bundle of vectors may be characterized by indecision, self-doubt, as well as fear of condemnation by others. For him, such a goal can be especially attractive - to learn how to become a strong personality.

Is it possible to change?

Everything that happens to us is for a reason. The question "how to become tougher in character" arises when a person feels that he cannot insist on what is important to him. This is due to ignorance of ourselves and other people - after all, we are all completely different. For example, what is great for your parents is not necessarily the same for you or your child.

When you clearly understand these differences, it will be easier for you to make your own decisions. At the same time, you may not have a desire to stand to the death in disputes and firmly prove your point of view to someone. Since you will understand that another person has completely different properties and desires, he looks at the world only “through himself”, and this is natural. But at the same time, you will understand your own properties and act in the way that is best for you.

It will not work to become tougher, and it is not necessary, but to behave more confidently in various situations, to become more stress-resistant is undoubtedly possible, thanks to systemic knowledge.

For example, knowing the properties of your child, you will understand what is suitable for him and what is not. What educational influence is good for him, and what is violence, what should be avoided. Understanding yourself and others naturally will help you stand your ground and be firm where needed.

“... I feel inner confidence, and as if I always had it, the fear of new spaces, new places is passing, I am becoming bolder in communication, there is no longer this treacherous trembling in the knees and internal stiffness, as if blown away ... I felt inner lightness, as if something it fell into place. The understanding came that everything is in my hands, I can do everything and I can do everything, the fear of the future has disappeared, only now I understand what was meant by the fact that everyone is the creator of their own reality ... "

If you're one of those cute dudes who always walk away from conflict, this column is for you. Do people not appreciate your gentleness and think that this is a reason to neglect you? Do your friends and colleagues see you as a peacemaker who always smooths out sharp corners? Do they think you're the kind of person who won't rock the boat? Don't you ever say no? Maybe today is the right day to change that.

Think about how you usually react when you stand in line for yourself and someone crawls ahead of you. Or when someone comes up to the bar after you and, while you patiently wait for the attention of the bartender, manages to order a drink. You may say that such things do not bother you, but most likely this is just a way to save face. Admit it: such things are frankly infuriating - even if they mean practically nothing - it's still stress, and stress is bad for the body and for peace of mind.

Or you are constantly getting to do things that no one else wants to do - like organizing a vacation, collecting money from everyone for drinks for a party, or something like that. On the one hand, it is pleasant and responsible. On the other hand, they simply shift onto your shoulders what they themselves do not want to do. How are things at work? If you want to hold a high position, of course, you must be able to work in a team, but at the same time have the ability to make decisions on your own. Stop hesitating - take responsibility already!

It's nice to be known as a nice guy, but if this image is created due to your self-confidence, your health, career plans, interpersonal relationships, then you definitely need to change something. This is what we will be talking about today. You can change your behavior and people will change their attitude towards you. Here are some tips on how to stop being the person everyone takes advantage of.

Realize your purpose

You may not like it when you are not considered, but you are so used to it that you don’t even know how to change yourself, where to start. Work on a tougher attitude that will allow you to take back control of your rights and let people know that you are not to be kicked.
You probably want to be respected and stop using you.
You want to change people's attitude towards you and show that you are not weak, but confident and assertive.
Increase your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Strengthen your decision

Now you have realized your goals - it is time to embody them. To do this, you need to follow seven simple steps.

1. Learn to express your opinion

Listen to your instincts. When something bothers you, when something makes you feel uncomfortable, talk about it right away. This behavior needs to be learned. If you missed the chance to do it right away, think about how to say it a little later in a personal conversation.

For example, explain to a colleague that you do not like the urgent deadlines that you are informed about at the last moment. Tell your girlfriend that you don't like it when she tells everyone at the table about the details of your sex life. You need to clarify these points. Discuss these issues calmly, without accusations, and you will reduce tension and finally change the way others perceive you.

2. Stop agreeing

No matter how hard you try, you can't please everyone. When you constantly care about the feelings of others and do not want to offend anyone, it can go against your own desires. If something bothers you, go back to point 1.

If your friend is constantly arguing for the slightest reason, and to calm her down, you just apologize and agree with her, she may be just as tired of this state of affairs as you are. Maybe she keeps picking on you just to get you to take a stand - at least on some issue! Stand up for your opinion, express it and say “no” at least sometimes. If she wants to keep your relationship, she will respect it much more than a weak-willed agreement with everything.

3. Learn to recognize situations in which you do not need to take the fight

No need to practice your newfound tenacity when driving with a crazy driver - you run the risk of falling victim to the usual driver's rage. Do not rush to say "no" to the authorities: you can ruin your career. Be careful when talking to mentally unstable people. And in other cases, stop hiding from the conflict - you need to take the fight. If you have disagreements, resolve them. Talk about the little things that annoy you in time so that they do not turn into all-consuming problems.

4. Start small

It's easier to practice tough behavior on strangers because family and friends initially expect you to be the usual non-confrontational, meek, expressionless demeanor. Learn to manage your skills, and then apply them to loved ones. Overcome your reluctance to think about your own needs in critical situations. If a doctor prescribes a bunch of elephantine tests for you, ask if all of them are so necessary. No need to immediately put up with a difficult diagnosis and hang your nose, foreseeing the worst-case scenario. Stop giving money to the beggar who is constantly on duty at your entrance: how much can you? Just look him in the eyes and wish him a good day without feeling guilty.

5. Be tough

Usually during acute situations you try to maintain balance, not to show yourself, to behave stably. Instead, make it clear and clear what you want, expect, and what you generally need. You're not yelling like a nut - you're just setting a new pattern for your behavior, and people can be disarmed because they don't expect it. If they try to coax you, remembering that you are weak, do not fall for this emotional blackmail. If you do not express your opinions and desires, people will eventually not understand that they are doing something wrong.

6. Be persistent

You won't change in one day. You will have to constantly remind yourself that you are working on yourself, that you have decided to change. People around you will probably notice that you suddenly start behaving differently. In the end, you thought about it for a long time - you just did not voice these thoughts. Do not let the embarrassment of those around you embarrass yourself, do not turn off your path. If your girlfriend is constantly late and you are tired of waiting for her forever, let her know that she should respect your time and somehow learn how to plan hers. Remember that you are not only changing yourself, but also teaching people to treat themselves in a new way. It won't always be easy, but focus on the profit that awaits you - it's worth it.

7. Change your environment

And here is the most radical way: change your circle of friends, break off bad relationships or find a new job. If you can't earn respect in one place because you already have an opinion, it's no good anymore: people just can't handle new information, they don't have the brains to rethink the changes that are happening - maybe not only with you. When you meet new people, behave appropriately from the very beginning. Now you understand the difference between a nice guy and a weakling - and you will build relationships with new people in a different way.

Nice guy for no reason

If you constantly put up with being treated with disdain, no one will take you seriously. You can still be a caring husband, an interesting friend, an interested participant in events, a good employee - but you just stop being a weakling. Just remember that you deserve to be appreciated, not used. If you are not appreciated, you deserve pity. Practice and you will soon find that you will be able to express your feelings more easily, that you will become more confident at work and in your personal life. Don't be surprised if people start to overestimate you - they might even be glad that you are no longer a weakling.

What's so great about being cute and shy? Better be bold! Insolence, energy, courage - those qualities that can be envied. Instead of blending in with the crowd, you will learn to stand out. Instead of going with the flow, you can change it yourself. You are a girl with a peppercorn, you can not be stopped in any situation.

Steps

Let your audacity unfold

Be a little loose. But know the measure. You need to be confident, not arrogant. Be honest, not offensive. Be cheeky, not rude. The essence of swagger is to say something bold, but with a smile on your face, as if not implying a bad thing. It is a mixture of different qualities in one whole. You can also call such a person a daring wise guy.

• The next time your friend texts you, "Can I come over and play with you, ferret?" and you're already tired of his typos, instead of answering, "Okay!" - Dial: “What?! Am I a ferret?! That's rough".
• To be cheeky means to be cheerful. So when an English teacher asks you how Charles Marlowe prevented his slaves from escaping, you will say, without even looking at the book, "He cut off their legs!" - with a smile on his face, not with an evil look.

1. Answer quickly. If a friend said that she was leaving your party for a cooler one, you can answer that she had better first choose the right blouse for her shoes. But, again, with a shy smile and laughter - without excessive wit and causticity. If someone wants to say something not quite tactful to you, you can also show your tactlessness in response. Play this game!

   • Our old friend Shakespeare once said a very good phrase: “I would love to fight you in an intellectual duel. But you, as I see it, are unarmed.” Witty answers will be brash in the form of a statement of fact or question, as opposed to expressing one's personal opinion. Indeed, these answers look much better on the outside than they are on the inside. Instead of saying "Shut up!" - say: “What are you, some kind of star? Not? Then stop interrupting me." Something like that. Or, the next time your friend praises someone, say, "I wish I could agree with you, but I don't want to lie." That's all!

2. Be confident . If there is one quality that distinguishes all daring girls, then it is confidence. To do this, you need to know and love yourself in order to do what you want, express your personal opinion and not behave like a downcast quiet person. So, to empower your inner daring, call on that confident girl inside you and let her loose! Because she's damn good!

   • If you have confidence issues, it will be easier to start working on the outside. It is true that confidence comes from within, but it can also come from outside! Dress well, try to feel comfortable on the street and act like you think a confident person should act. Practice makes a habit, after all!

3. Be funny . You might as well ask your guinea pig to speak his inner monologues out loud, right? But don't think that everyone has a sense of humor; everyone has things they find funny. This is a human feature that does not depend on genes. So trust your intuition - if something made you laugh, maybe it will make someone else smile!

4. Be honest . From about the age of ten, we all (especially girls) learn not to say everything we think about. We learn to be nice, polite, and definitely learn to avoid situations that embarrass us. In the process of this training, we lose our honesty and directness. But to be sassy, ​​you need to learn a little about it!

   • But that's no reason to be bad. Bold is not bad yet. So when your friend doesn't take over your part for a school project, don't attack him with the exclamation of "Hey! Come to your senses before you disrupt our project, you slacker!" Instead, muster up the courage to say, “Hey! We all put a lot of effort into our work. If you don't want to help, you can take on the project alone, but we'd better work together."
     • Yes, some people will take your directness and honesty as bad temper, but these are only those who want to see you as a doormat. As long as you don't hurt other people's feelings, you'll be fine.

5. Be more energetic . A cheeky person is inherently a fun person. He is happy, cheerful, cheerful and full of energy. If you are lethargic, dull and not energetic, your insolence may be mistaken for cynicism. A springy walk will give your impudence a cheerful touch and make everyone jealous of you.

   • The easiest way to get energetic (we don't mean running around the room) is to be around family and friends. Instead of hunched over your phone and replying to messages with a glassy eye or your head in the clouds, be present in the moment. Look at people when they are talking, smile and nod. Ask questions. Joke and flirt. Live in the moment.

   Let's act bold

   1. Have fun! This step is similar to the previous one, but it doesn't hurt to remind you that sass has a lot to do with fun. Why not? You are confident, energetic, able to cheer up (even to yourself). So do not be afraid to create an atmosphere of surprise, independence from the situation. Because everyone around you and you yourself have the right worldview.

      • Seriously. Become the person who knows how to enjoy everything. Did you get a super-large coffee muffin for lunch today? That's luck! Oops, you got chocolate cake on your shirt? Fashion show time! Spots are all the rage, didn't you know? Girlfriend with a grin looks at your huge spot? Just tell her, "A cake stain is nothing like your wet armpits." (Of course, with a smile).

   2. Make your presence visible. Surely you are familiar with invisibility. Wherever they go, they are simply ignored. They are "glued" to the wall and barely audibly enter and exit. Yes, it's not about you. It annoys you too much. Insolence is the quality that will be noticeable to everyone!

      • So, whether you're joking, telling stories, or putting on a fashion show with a lunch spot - go all the way. Feel free to those who pay attention to you. After all, there is one very good thing in all this - your positive energy and cheerfulness will keep the party afloat. And believe me - not everyone is capable of it!

   3. Say what you think . To be cheeky, you have to be one of those people who says what other people think. You should not be embarrassed by telling everything as it is - good or bad. So many people are afraid to ask what they want or just to express their real thoughts. But this is not about you!

      • So, if your teacher gave you three days to write a five-sheet essay, just tell him that it's illogical to give you so little time. When your lover tells a funny joke, don't be afraid to say that he is very cute. And when your friend is wearing pants that don't suit her, you have to tell her before everyone else notices.

   4. Your body language should also be cheeky. Since you are confident, energetic and bold, your body language should match this. Who does the impudent girl who keeps silent looks like? Here are some tips:

      • Walk with your head held high. Take your shoulders back and in no case slouch. Show your confidence!
      • Don't shy away from eye contact. You have something to say, and so do others. Why not join them in the process?
      • Flirt. Smile, touch the person you are interested in, laugh - you know how it works.
      • Rolling your eyes or making different gestures with other body parts (things like “talk all you want, no one is listening to you”) is also okay, but it’s best to keep it to a minimum. It's pretty easy to get negative about things like that.

   5. Don't worry about what others think. This should be just for show, but in general, there is no place in impudence for this kind of experience. Some people will be repelled by your behavior; many will argue that girls should be quiet and shy. And in addition to this, some people can be very sensitive and take your directness very painfully. All this will be. Of course, you need to listen to the comments. Some of them may make sense. But if not, then you do not need to pay attention to them.

      • To act boldly, you need to know with whom to behave so, and with whom not. You may have a friend who doesn't want to put up with your sarcasm and mockery. If so, acknowledge it. You do not need to change yourself for anyone, but the feelings of others must be accepted.

   Expanding the boundaries of insolence

6. Style is a relative concept. If you've come to a punk concert, then you don't have to worry about the style of haute couture. Trust what the very word means to you. The most important thing is that your clothes impress people, including you. Can you imagine a cheeky man dressed as a walrus?

7. Challenge your fears. Bold people are not afraid of anything. They are ready to get out of their comfort zone and do whatever they need to do. It follows that if it is easy to be sure, it is also easy to say what you think; go up a level and challenge your fears - you will only benefit from it. And you can't help but like it, right?

   • Challenge yourself - whether it's public speaking, fear of heights or slugs. You're not afraid to challenge others, right? You provoke them, you tell them everything, you are honest - so be honest with yourself. This is true!

Warnings

• There will always be people who are easily offended and who may find you rude. This shouldn't stop you.
• Do not overdo it with this, as you will be perceived as a rude and arrogant person!
• Perhaps some people will be jealous and spread bad rumors about you, but don't let them break you. Daring girls don't care what people think; cheeky girls just want to have fun!

How to get tougher? Being the right children, we learn the basics of behavior in society from milk teeth - do not be rude to the elders, listen to authorities, give in, make compromises.

And also share toys, be more tactful and not offend anyone.

If at two years old a stubborn baby does not want to part with his new car just because Petya also wants to play with it, then by the age of twenty-five everything changes.

Here, the grown-up baby already dejectedly gives his wife a salary, takes on a pile of someone else's reporting, lends friends to acquaintances, allows a distant relative to "turn over" on his sofa. And only dreams of becoming a tougher character.

Many parents raising naughty children also often ask themselves the question “How to become tougher?”. It seems to them that they have spoiled their kids too much, and they want to get on the right track.

But here there is a danger:you can confuse toughness and cruelty. And then instead of a "silk" child, you will get offended and vengeful.

Motivate yourself to be tough when it matters. Convince yourself that your inflexibility and your definition of a clear framework for behavior is important for the child himself. Penalties should be moderate and adequate.

Play the role of a policeman in the house who will politely talk and impose a fine for a crime, and not a tyrant and despot who will deprive all the cartoons for a week.

How to define the border between rigidity and cruelty? Catch yourself in the moment when you are punishing another: how do you feel? Joy, satisfaction? Or do you want to hug a person and reassure, but do not give yourself free rein?

Real tough people are always in good control, do not hysteria, do not scream and never enjoy their harshness. This is a forced measure.

The path to toughness

Do you want to be a tough guy? Be consistent. Start with the main:stop changing your mind and decision to please others.

So the child asked you for a toy, you refused, and then he began to manipulate you. Cry, build sad eyes, like a Puss in Boots, wallow on the pavement ... And you lost - once, twice. And in his eyes you are no longer an authority, but someone very soft and obedient, harmless.

The same thing happens in conversations with superiors, colleagues, parents and friends. All people dream of breaking others and make them do it their way. Which side are you on: with those who go their own way, or with those who fulfill other people's desires?

Remember the rule :

"They said no"?Banned,refused?Now this is your way,don't get off it".

Why get tougher? To be happier. To be able to say "no" to parents forcibly pushing you into the math department. To convince the boss that it's not your turn to be on duty at Christmas. To firmly inform your spouse that you will spend your salary on a new oven, and not on his car gadgets.

You'll have to . Often people with a clear low self-esteem suffer from softness. Those who do not really believe in their right to happiness, choice, freedom and resistance.

Rule Two:

"Remember,that pliability and pliability do not deserve friendship ".

Let's remember school. Everyone writes off your homework, and for a moment it seems to you that now you are the navel of the Earth, the hero of the day, and everyone will want to be friends with you. But the bell rings - and they forget about you. And they will remember only when the time comes for the control.

It is important to realize how humiliating a place a gentle person occupies in today's aggressive society. limp people are used, and the goals of others are always selfish.

You will not be thanked for copying someone else's term paper, serving a shift for a colleague, driving someone else's father-in-law to the airport ...

Reliable Man – like a free soda machine. No one will think of giving him money, no one will rush to hug him.

Rule Three:

"Define your boundaries of the possible and the impossible".

Being an absolute "beech" is also not worth it. Sometimes friends really need help, parents need advice, children need love and support. By trying to get tougher, you run the risk of getting carried away and turning down everyone indiscriminately.

Therefore, take a piece of paper, carefully write down on it all the things that you no longer want to do for other people. For example, “I will never lend my wife’s brother”, “I will not lend my notes to Kolya”, “I will not take on five extra hours of work for “thank you” ...

In another column, outline for yourself possible, pleasant and right things to do - helping parents with repairs, homework with children, and the like.

If you were asked a question on the forehead, and it does not appear on your list, take time to think. Weigh, brainstorm, and then with refuse in good conscience.

How to identify wrong actions? Usually after them you feel bad, blame yourself for lack of will, do not feel happy. You are disappointed and understand that you stepped on the same rake again: you were used.

After doing the right thing, you are encouraged and happy that you could be of service.

Since it's impossible to be good for everyone, don't be afraid to dislike someone. The main thing is that you love yourself.